Finding it a real struggle, quite down

(11 Posts)
ladypop Sun 18-Aug-13 13:16:38

We have a 4 month and 3.7yr old DS's
I love them both so much but some days feel like it is a real struggle to feel happy about looking after them both.
The eldest's behaviour can be a little challenging at times and we had to leave a soft play session this morning after he became a bit aggressive toward another child (however, it was 6 of one etc etc) but we now have a chat before going anywhere about how he is expected to play with others and if he doesn't listen to mommy or daddy and acts inappropriately then we will have to go home.
I had to do the same last Sunday (I posted about it then)
I know it's the right thing to do, but its now going to make for a very long day at home with the 2 as DH is off to work shortly (he works horrible shifts which I find tough as i rarely get a lie in)
All in all, I just feel a bit low. I didn't expect it to be a rose garden but sometimes question if I was meant to be a mother at all.
I just have settled eldest for a sleep (thank The Lord!) and take myself off for a cry.
Does anyone else ever feel like this? Some days it's great, but I generally feel tired and like I could just run away for the day!
I know that I need to make some time just for me and am working in this. I go back to work in 2 weeks so am getting my head around that and trying to get some jobs done whilst I still have chance around the house (3.7yr old goes to nursery 2 days a week)
I suffered mild pnd after our first and know the things I need to do to tackle it (make time to relax an time to myself) and I am actually enjoying it more this time on the whole.
Sorry to waffle, just needed to get it out of my head!

ladypop Sun 18-Aug-13 13:40:24

Ps I should say the nights have been pretty crap lately too so I know that isn't helping my daytime mood!

It is hard but don't set yourself high standards. Perhaps you should give your ds a warning if you're out and he's messing around otherwise everyone suffers if you have to drag him home. Tbh I avoided places like soft play when dd was a baby (ds was the eldest) as too much stress. We went to the park instead!

ladypop Sun 18-Aug-13 14:48:35

We do give him warnings, and it was the 3rd incident this morn so we had to follow it through. I only went as DH could come as well - I don't even attempt those places by myself with them both at the mo!

lucylou158 Mon 19-Aug-13 16:09:10

I completely understand what your going through.... I have2 boys which are 2 and 3 ( 11 months between them) and its so hard and very draining. I too have certain activities which I certainly would not even attempt with both of them on my own. They tend to copy each others naughty behaviour which is just horrendous at times! The only advice I can give is try get a plan of action together for each day. Fill each day with a realistic schedule so you don't have too much time to feel exhausted .

Fourbears Mon 19-Aug-13 16:27:46

Well done for following through with the consequences for behaviour you don't like. It will pay dividends when your ds is older. I used to leave places for hitting etc and my ds soon learnt it wasn't a good idea! My friends and my mum used to say I was too strict but my ds is 13 now and is a very mature, responsible and polite boy. Compared to how his some of his peers are now and knowing how little discipline they received when small, I'm glad I stuck to my guns. I know it doesn't necessarily follow etc, but that is my experience. And of course I'm talking about children without any additional needs.

Was it the same Incident ie he repeated the behaviour three times? Also in the grand scheme of soft play where it's all a bit mad given it sounds like it wasn't just him, could you have done something else. Eg moved him away to play somewhere else?

Fourbears Mon 19-Aug-13 16:41:13

I should stay we used to leave after he had had warnings, I'm not that strict! I think it only took three times and then he knew I meant business and would stop doing whatever it was. I realise I may have been lucky there. He used to be a challenging child though, no doubt about it.<shudders at memories>

ladypop Mon 19-Aug-13 17:39:40

They were different incidents, but I could just feel it in my waters that it was not going to go well yesterday! I don't think it would have improved as he really was in one of those moods!
We always praise for good behaviour, whatever and whenever it is.
I am feeling better today and have enjoyed spending time with them both more....some days are just better than others when your a mother, aren't they!?

Yes definitely! And many times it is your own frame of mind which determines how well or not things go. I find if I'm tired, I'm ratty and do not react well to certain behaviour. Other days I can deal with it breezily and we all move on. Ds definitely reflects my mood - worth bearing that in mind, especially if you've had a hard sleepless night (I don't think I've had any other kind since my second was born 20 months ago grin)

ladypop Mon 19-Aug-13 18:20:24

Good point, creature I am currently reading Buddhism for Mothers...which I feel may help. Just need to find the time to read it ;) x

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