my 10 year old's behaviour is getting worse. He's upsetting the whole family :-(

[mummaemma]

Basically he's rude to everyone all the time. gets up in the morning grumpy and goes to bed grumpy.

he quotes: i wish you were dead, i hate you, you're fat, ugly, etc etc..... this usually follows on if we say he cant go on xbox or just say no to something.

He's started slamming doors, throwing things, punching his door. He hurts his younger sister by twisting her arm or pushing past her.etc..

not sure where this behaviour is coming from. Theres me, my husband and 4 kids. he is the 3rd child.

He is very demanding. This morning he gor up at 7am and wanted someone to play cricket with him and when we said no he went into a major strop. He is very energetic boy, and his passions are sport and food. There is a very loving side to him but over the last few months that boy is drifting away. dont know what to do :-(

[sisteroutlaw]

That's hard mummaemma. Have you asked the school what his behaviour has been like there? Wonder if he's acting up in class as well.

[mummaemma]

no he is a different boy in school. well behaved. in fact the first line of his report said he was a polite and popular boy. He has calmed down this evening but you just never know when he is going to erupt again

[mrsravelstein]

ds1 went through this at end of year 6, ie leaving primary school. it was awful. ended up taking him and me to counsellor over the summer holidays, as was really worried there was something awfully wrong going on in our relationship. she said it is classic 10/11 year boy behaviour, boringly normal. (girls apparently tend to go through it a bit later, like 13/14). within a couple of months of starting secondary school he was back to his usual fairly charming self.

[Andro]

I own a 10yo DS who's going through a similar (if somewhat less in-your-face) version of this. He's having a tough time moderating his reactions right now, he's moods are all over the place. Fortunately for all of us he is very good at thinking before reacting and verbalising his feelings in an appropriate manner (most of the time at least, thank you therapy for a different issue) so will just tell us he's not fit to be around, he either goes to his room/goes outside/practices his karate kata until he feels better.

[SilkySilky]

Similar here with 9 year old boy.

When we said "no" he goes in to a temper. Trying to get own way and push boundaries ofcourse, but it is over any trivial things. Like todays was changing his football shoes to studs not allowed at course he on all week. He knows that rule. He told me it. Part of me thought just let him go with wrong stuff, but then I know I'd be sitting later sad that he was sitting at side not able to join in for 5 hour session.

He is very energetic boy, and his passions are sport and food - just like original poster said above.

8pm becons now, and I dread the bedtime routine. Yeah I have a routine, but he still will kick off major style. Almost needs physically dragged up stairs. Goodness knows how neighbour thru wall not phoned the police. Some nights I wish they would!

Sigh.

[cory]

Ds was depressingly negative at this age. Grumpy, gloomy, touchy, negative.

At 13 he is charming: he has reached puberty, he has more freedom, which he relishes, he has learnt to negotiate in an adult way rather than blow his top, his fears over the future have been allayed to some extent as he has got a better understanding of the wide range of choices there are out there, move to secondary has been successfully negotiated and given him further interests.

Hormones, fears over growing up, worries about the future- the preteen stage can be really vile.

[mummaemma]

Still no improvement. not been the best of mornings. my son has flipped again. His sister hid his xbox controller as he was mean to her yesterday, and he took his anger out on me. He punched me, twisted my arm, threatened to stab and strangle me. calling me fat names, saying he hates me. i ended up shouting back saying it was unacceptable behaviour to treat me like this.. i have taken his xbox, kindle and put them in the loft for the rest of the holidays. he is now quiet in his room....I was hoping to take them to the beach today for a treat :-(

[mummaemma]

calmed down now and happily playing monopoly with his sister. why cant it always be like this.

[NoComet]

cory hits the nail on the head, certainly for stroppy 9-11 DDs, Freedom!

I was horrible in Y5, beginning of Y6, then I passed my cycling proficiency and my parents let my cycle to our small town and to see friends. By 13 I was let loose in my grandparents big city when we visited.

My DS2 is can only go to a local shop as we live in the middle of no where, but even small choices like where to have lunch help. Being able to ring chat to her friends. Choose her own clothes. Anything that gives a sense of control.

[NoComet]

I should add DD1(15) is quietly both very sensible and a touch devious, you find you have given her choice and freedom without noticing and without a song and dance.

[Oblomov]

Ds1 (9.7) is like this. Have no recommendations Op, just sympathy.

[pinkchoccy]

My son was like this he is nearly ten. It was the xbox it made him grumpy and short tempered. We got rid of the xbox and he changed cos he had to Play out with friends. It had an awful effect on him. Very depressing.

[pinkchoccy]

My son was like this he is nearly ten. It was the xbox it made him grumpy and short tempered. We got rid of the xbox and he changed cos he had to Play out with friends. It had an awful effect on him. Very depressing.

[BeesGoBuzzzzzz]

I get that posters report tantrums etc but threatening to stab/strangle you is not normal. Also the violence. Where is his dad when he is saying this? I would be wanting some support with this. Tantrums yes, death threats, no.

I'd also consider getting rid of the Xbox permanently or for a long long stretch if it is a flashpoint.

[stopgap]

I hate to be the voice of doom, but my brother was a lot like this at ten (after being a very, very easy child) and things got a lot worse (violence, threatening to stab my parents, arrests etc.) as his teen years progressed.

He is early thirties now, a bit estranged from the family, but holds down a good job and is much more even-keeled, though he still has an explosive temper if pushed.

Please do all you can for your son now. Things were much different 25 years ago, and I don't think my brother got all the assistance he likely needed.

[lljkk]

What is it about 3rd children?

At least yours is good at school; mine is probably worse there. But they can offer little help since he's not very behind academically (argh).

I am another fan of The Explosive Child. It wasn't the book I thought it would be, much more helpful than that. Also, DS is currently signed up for anger management classes with a charity (Talking Point?, will happen at some point in next year). I had to see my GP to get a referral for that. Worth a try to investigate.