I really need sleep help. Should I get a professional ?

(47 Posts)
SkinnyDecaffGiraffe Sun 21-Jul-13 14:53:24

My almost 9mth old is driving me crazy. She won't sleep unless on me ( bf) or in car/ pram. This is ok ish if she went off easily but recently she hasn't. So far today since 7am I've spent 4hrs trying to get her off for naps. Tonight's bedtime will be similar.

I really don't want and can't let her CIO. I think I need some professional help as I'm on the edge. My marriage is suffering not helped that she screams blue murder if my husband attends her at these times

Can anyone recommend anyone to help me ( like the bAby whisper woman ) ???

I've tried dummies pantley pull off and other things. I am not inexperienced as I have another daughter who is seriously suffering with no time with me.

I need help before my marriage fails and my PND gets worse pre return to work.

Thanks

JuliaScurr Sun 21-Jul-13 14:58:39

I and friends found this v helpful
It's controversial, apparently
no idea why

www.amazon.co.uk/Solve-Your-Childs-Sleep-Problems/dp/0863181228

UnicornsPooGlitter Sun 21-Jul-13 14:59:35

Andrea Grace is lovely. Phone consultation, sleep plan (we used gradual withdrawal), support phone calls for a few weeks afterwards. Best £300 (IIRC) that I've ever spent. It was still slow and hard work, but we got there smile. Good luck. X

SkinnyDecaffGiraffe Sun 21-Jul-13 15:03:56

Thanks
Unicorn - how long did if take ?

Thanks Julia. I have that book but it invokes a lot of crying (baby!)

ladypop Sun 21-Jul-13 15:37:08

We have been recommended millpond - you can find them online. Not used them ourselves at it isn't desperate, but have read many good reviews x

UnicornsPooGlitter Sun 21-Jul-13 18:37:14

I can't exactly remember Giraffe - I think the sleep plan that we were given covered 6 or 8 weeks IIRC. We had a lot to change though (stopping DS falling asleep while BFing every night, getting him to stay in his cot all night, night weaning, transferring naps from pram / car to cot...). And of course gradual withdrawal takes a while anyway.

SkinnyDecaffGiraffe Sun 21-Jul-13 19:07:36

Thanks unicorn.

I seriously need some help before I go crazy. I can't think straight anymore !

pinkpanther79 Sun 21-Jul-13 19:11:16

A friend of mine had trouble until she got a nursery worker to babysit and to her amazement came home to find her LO asleep. Babysitter showed her how to do it (all very kind - she does not use cry it out) and things have been loads better since. May be worth a go before you fork out hundreds, and you get an evening out!

JuliaScurr Sun 21-Jul-13 19:58:59

We never had crying. when does yours cry?

BikeRunSki Sun 21-Jul-13 20:03:46

Cranial ostropathy really helped us.

RonaldMcDonald Sun 21-Jul-13 20:10:03

I had a great time with two of mine and a dreadful time with another
It is awful ( hug )

Tbh my d eventually got with the program. She has been much more sensitive than the others over most things as time has gone on.
I thought I'd never get through it.
She's a 10+ hrs a nighter now

LouBeee Sun 21-Jul-13 21:20:50

I have used professionals from this site www.greatvine.com/browse-experts/parenting a couple of times with DS1 - to cut a night feed and to deal with separation anxiety at 18 months. It's been very effective and good value - you pay per the minute so a half hour call is about £60 but you get a lot of advice in that and you can have longer or shorter calls if you want.
Read the bios of the professionals carefully to pick someone who matches your parenting style - there is something for everyone from help with cc to very gentle style.

JoinTheDots Sun 21-Jul-13 21:36:09

I found 9 months to be the HARDEST time for sleep. DD would fight it like it was the devil, just dropping off only to realise and scream and scream (even if I was trying to feed her or rock her, which used to work like a dream and quite quickly).

There is a famous (for those who have suffered) 9 month sleep regression point which is caused by huge development in the brain which makes it really hard for a baby to switch off or fall asleep easily.

They grow out of it pretty fast (for us it was about 3, possibly 4 weeks) but I totally understand if you cannot cope for that long because it is just horrible when you are depressed and suffering from sleep deprivation and feel like it is all on you.

I hope one of the suggestions helps - or just knowing it is a phase which should be pretty short lived.

SkinnyDecaffGiraffe Sun 21-Jul-13 21:45:45

Thanks everyone.

It's good to know there is a possible reason for the worsening at 9mths.

Unfortunately she's been like this since she was born. She clusterfed for months in the evenings and a usual good night is her taking 40mins to breast feed to sleep. She then will wake though the evening unpredictably only resettling on the breast. She won't self settle (and never has done for naps)
I've basically been unable to do anything in the evening since she was born. She won't take a bottle or dummy or be settled by my husband.
I can never relax as I expect her to wake at any time. E g she was asleep this evening from 8 (1.5hrs of settling today). Got in the bath at 9 and no sooner had I got wet she was off again......

To Julia... Crying..... ? Well that's what does when she wakes or i put her in cot to self setttle. If I leave her she gets hysterical. I cannot let her cry it out as a personal s preference.

SkinnyDecaffGiraffe Sun 21-Jul-13 21:46:05

Just back in bath to type this. She is off again .....

UnicornsPooGlitter Sun 21-Jul-13 22:22:20

Giraffe, we were in a really similar situation (DS also wouldn't take a dummy, couldn't self-settle etc.). We read all of the relevant books, but by then we were too sleep-deprived to decided which method to use, and how exactly to apply it. We knew that we didn't want to use controlled crying, so Andrea designed a plan based on gradual withdrawal for us. It was really detailed, and we could also phone her once or twice a week (I can't remember which, but I think twice) to ask her random grin questions.

SimLondon Sun 21-Jul-13 23:02:03

Dont worry - you dont have to do controlled crying. Has your HV been any good?

SkinnyDecaffGiraffe Mon 22-Jul-13 07:59:14

Thanks Sim. That's what I need to hear as I have a feeling people are of the opinion that its my fault for not leaving her to cry earlier. hmmhmm

HV was ok. Gave me some worksheet and said she'd call me but she didn't. I need to call her again really.

JoinTheDots Mon 22-Jul-13 08:10:28

Oh no - it is never your fault! Some babies (children/people) are just not good at getting to sleep, but it is something we all learn, and it just takes some people longer than others.

I am sure you will have it cracked with a little bit of help (un mumsnet hugs being sent your way)

SkinnyDecaffGiraffe Mon 22-Jul-13 08:25:21

Thanks Join. Good to be reassured.
It feels totally my fault!

NoComet Mon 22-Jul-13 09:04:26

I just don't get why babies taking an hour plus to feed to sleep is a problem.

You just record something you want to watch, put on subtitles so the baby doesn't turn round, sit on the sofa and enjoy the best part of the day.

DD2 did it for about 6 years! (Yes she could fall a sleep if I went out, but 6 nights out of seven I fed her).

SkinnyDecaffGiraffe Mon 22-Jul-13 09:29:15

Star have actually read my posts?

SkinnyDecaffGiraffe Mon 22-Jul-13 09:29:29

Have you obviously

BeenieBaby Mon 22-Jul-13 09:33:21

Why doesn't pantley pull off work? I found that of you persists with it, even the most stubborn dc will give up and it's annoying to them. But all it does is reduce their night waking from every 1-2hrs to about 2/night for me. It didn't stop night wakings but got them to a manageable level. Also combined with pantley pull off I tried rolling over and letting her root for a couple of mins and she eventually have u and slept beautifully after that. But mostly I worked on her going to sleep by herself during the day without bf and that really improved night sleep.

JuliaScurr Mon 22-Jul-13 11:17:22

skinny
you aren't doing it wrong
we were lucky to get a sleeper
in spite of my confirmed opinion, apparently my genius childrearing skills had virtually nothing to do with it
though I don't really believe that
loads of people will be delighted to tell you that they know much better than you
they probably don't
we all use guesswork, then pass on hopefully helpful tips

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