Really struggling with my 15 month old

[EnglishGirlApproximately]

Ds is just over 15 months and seems to be miserable all of the time. He isn't interested in playing with any toys, just whines all day. He cries when I pick him up, cries when I put him down. He likes being outdoors so we go out for a walk every day but funds are limited so most of the time it's a walk around the village which can be stretched to 2 hours at the most.

I've tried playgroup but as I work different days each week we have never settled into one, the other parents all know each other and I try to join in but they aren't interested. Ds tends to cling on to me so I don't think he gets anything out of it.

He's so angry, always hitting me and throwing things. I'm at the end of my tether and starting to resent him. I'm seriously considering going back to work full time to give myself a break. Dp belts but as he works long hours most of the childcare comes down to me. Ds won't go to sleep for dp so I only really get 10 minutes to myself at bathtime.

He isn't walking yet and seems frustrated by that, and gets bored really quickly. He is happy at the cm as he likes playing with the older kids but I know he gets angry and hits out there too.

Any advice? ,I'm not sure what I'm asking really just any ideas to make him happy?

[EnglishGirlApproximately]

Bumping :)

[apatchylass]

Hi

It's really hard to guess what might be making him so unhappy. Could be lots of different things.

DS2 was utterly miserable due to illness and I have a lot of sympathy for any mum who has to deal with this all day long alone, as it is very demoralising. You want to enjoy time with your child but it's so hard.

For me what helped was to really communicate with him. I had all the patience in the world listening to him babble because I was desperate to find out what was wrong so I could put it right and he'd stop whining!

I used to crouch down, eye level to his pram every time he got cross and say: what's up? Is Patchy cross (didn't say 'you' because he didn't recognise the word but knew his own name) and then I'd ask him why. It took a long time but it sort of took the edge off my irritation. He'd settle a bit when he realised I really was trying to help, and often it was something simple, like being too hot or thirsty, or being tired or wanting some sort of stimulation.

he was just far more needy than DS1 and so he ended up on my hip a lot of the time and I'd just yatter away to him. He was still very grizzly but we got a few laughs in each day too. And that really helped. seeing his eyes light up was such a good moment.

Watch out for really minor things that could be winding him up, like clothes labels itching his skin or the wrong baby wipes irritating him.

Like you, I found being outdoors helped and so we walked miles every day (no weight problems when DS2 was small!)

The other thing is, and it's hard to accept this (well it was for me) that maybe he's picking up on your stress and unhappiness and reflecting it back at you. You feel trapped and resentful and maybe it shows in your face or your voice or how you handle him. Try speaking far more softly and gently than normal and always smile before you make eye contact. It can feel very false but it helps. Especially if you are knackered. Our faces are so huge and high up above them, that we can look quite scary when we feel down.

Finally (sorry - long post) there could be something the matter. It's worth getting a GP to refer you to a specialist as babies shouldn't be miserable all day long so there is likely to be a cause.

[efeslight]

I agree with frustration and communication being possibilities for being cross- have you thought about baby signing?

I used it with both children - my little girl is the same age as your son and loves pointing to birds now and I say the word and do the sign back to her...lots of times - and even though 'bird' is not a particularly helpful word/sign, her face lights up at being understood and communicating for that one moment.

As we live abroad we just watched the dvd 'sing and sign' together which some kids find fascinating and might buy you some peace and quiet just watching it together.

is it teething - try the teething powders, seem to work wonders sometimes.
what about swimming? releases a lot of energy and you don't need to be able to walk to enjoy it

[EnglishGirlApproximately]

Thanks for your replies. I agree that he probably picks up on my stress as I find it hard to hide how I'm feeling so I'll try to work on that. I think we communicate ok, he h as about 10 words and can understand simple things I say to him. I did buy the 'sing and sign' DVD but he wasn't interested. I persevered for a couple of weeks doing it daily but he doesn't sit still for more than a few seconds. I never thought I would say this but I wish he would show interest in tv so I could l put cbeebies on for 10 minutes to get a cuppa. He just isn't interested in anything other than crawling and climbing!

We do go swimming but not as often as I would like simply because I can't afford it (dp made redundant recently, is working again but we're still catching up financially). I don't feel like anything is wrong medically but I'll definitely keep an open mind.

Strangely I seem to have endless patience at bedtime and he loves books so it's normally an ok end to the day.

[lizandlulu]

Hiya, my dd1 was like this, she was downright miserable most of the time. I just coped, that's about all I can say, ŷou have my sympathies. I used to just do what I wanted and take her along with me as she would be miserable whatever we did.

I used to distract her slot with snacks, walk to parks, play areas, we had a trike she used to sit on so it was fun for her aswell.

Ŷou sound like you are doing all the right things. It does start to get on top of you and you crave sbit of me time. Just take deep breaths and always remember this, everything is just a phase. It will pass.

[NapaCab]

Please don't tell the OP that her stress is affecting her DS and making him unhappy, that he is 'reflecting' it back at her. You think that already when you have a difficult time with your child and it just makes you feel guiltier and sadder when people say this to you.

OP, my DS went through a grouchy phase like this before he learned to walk and I think it's frustration because they want to do things and can't. My DS is feeling some similar stress now at 21 months as he learns to talk more, has more complex feelings but struggles to express them. It is hard. What helped for me was:

Trying to meet other mothers, helpful ones not bitchy competitive ones(!) at least once a week
Getting out every day no matter what
Distraction, distraction, distraction!
Using 'please' when talking to DS. One piece of advice I got said that even if it doesn't mean anything it does soften the tone of your voice and keeps you calm - it helps me anyway.

Otherwise it's just a case of riding it out. He will be much happier once he's walking I' m sure which won't be long now, it'll happen before you know it!

[Bertiebutterfly]

Hi I came on here looking for some advice for the exact same problem you're experiencing!

DD2 seems so grumpy at the moment - she's not walking either and I think that's playing a big part. She's scratching, pulling DD1's hair, biting, throwing, just generally a little monkey!! We do baby signing and she can sign for a lot of things but it's not stopping her being grumpy and frustrated.

Is it the heat, teeth I don't know. No words of advice here but you're not alone!

[Slavetominidictator]

My dd was extremely unhappy for about a month or so before she walked. With hindsight it was frustration but at the time, I was so worn down by it.... The difference is incredible. Of course, there's nothing you can do except wait for the walking but if someone had told me it would pass, I'd have found it a bit easier. Hope that's the case with you too. Be kind to yourself - unhappy kids are very tough to be with all day.

[MillionPramMiles]

I do sympathise, my 14 month old dd can be like this.
Largely I think its boredom, frustration at not being able to walk/talk and sometimes tiredness. What really helped dd was going to nursery 4 days a week, she loves the variety of activities there and the toys/activities we do the other 3 days have become more interesting as they are less frequent.
I also make sure she has regular naps as tiredness results in a lot of whingeing.

I'd suggest try to do as many activities as you can fit in/afford. Is there a local childrens centre that has a one o'clock club or similar every day? Then you can go on whatever day you're off work. Even if you don't chat much with the other mums it's a different environment/different toys for your ds.
Are there playdates you can go on with another mum? I find my dd is much more occupied in someone elses house with new toys/things to explore.
I try to have lots of time outside, park, playground, sandpit, putting toys outside in the garden.
On rainy days I've even resorted to a daytime bath with toys etc.

Oh and don't beat yourself up for wanting to go back to work ft. I find going out to work easier, less stressful and I enjoy the 3 days I have with dd a lot more. I also genuinely think the nursery is offering dd a fantastic environment for her development.

[EnglishGirlApproximately]

Thank you all, its good to hear that Ds isn't the only grumpy baby around. I'm hoping to approach things more positively from now on and remind myself its just a phase. My local children's centre only has activities on certain days so its a bit hit and miss whether I get to them or not.

We spend as much time as possible outside but there are days where I just need to get stuff done. I hope walking will help, it won't be long now as he's done a few steps more than once in the last week. I get the feeling I'm going to be better at the school age stage :)

[lizandlulu]

I used to say about my dd, " she'll be better when she can sit up" then "shell be better when she can walk". Then "shell be better when she can talk". Now she's nearly 8amd she's about over the worst!

[EnglishGirlApproximately]

liz Please tell me I haven't got another 6.5 years if this?

[lizandlulu]

Noooooooo honest!


Well, by the time she could walk and talk she was a lot better, I could actually go into town without people thinking I was strangling her. She is still highly strung, quite sensitive and clingy tho. I don't remember a time when I thought "oh, this is better" I think I just got used to it and carried on.