two hours to get into the carseat(!)

(163 Posts)
SocialConstruct Wed 03-Jul-13 09:58:30

I got home from work at 8pm last night because it took me more than 2 hours to coax, argue, force my child into the car-seat. He is 2 and a half.
We went through persuasion, force, explanation and then finally breastfeeding him to sleep and attempting to gently put him in 3 times before he would stay.

I am no push-over but I am amazed that it took me so long to get him in as up to now he's been fine. Is this normal toddler behaviour and do I just need to resort to chocolate buttons now?

FannyFifer Wed 03-Jul-13 13:15:57

I had a friend who was utterly insipid. about dealing with this sort of nonsense.

Trying to get her son into a buggy or carseat, "please darling, sit nicely, blah blah blah". Could take up to an hour, sometimes she couldn't get him in and would have to cancel days out etc, wtf!

Me and DD would be waiting for ages as he was screaming and fighting and punching and kicking her, fuck that, I used to just grab him and shove him in.

I am actually thankfully no longer friends with her, for another reason but I'm delighted I no longer have to witness her pathetic ineffective parenting, there were a lot more issues than those I've mentioned.

Certain things are non negotiable, my two tried this on occasion, the got unceremoniously thrown in.

There is no reason to take 2 hours, seriously, to put a child in a car seat.

Tee2072 Wed 03-Jul-13 13:16:17

I never said hurt him. I said be the parent.

Or are you going to start negotiating everything? Bedtime? Bath? Teeth brushing? Going to school?

Some things you need to be firm about. So be firm.

Or waste 2 hours every single night.

I have never hurt my son physically putting him into a car seat or a pushchair. I've just used my larger body and greater strength to manipulate him where I want him.

FruitSaladIsNotPudding Wed 03-Jul-13 13:17:20

Bribing, tickling, or if those fail brute force is the only way. I suspect being quickly forced into the seat would be a lot less distressing for him and you than a two hour tantrum.

My dd went through a phase like this when I was heavily pregnant. Not fun, but she had to understand that fighting wasn't an option, so I forced her in. She stopped after a few weeks.

Seb101 Wed 03-Jul-13 13:18:32

Well said tee2070!!

TheSecondComing Wed 03-Jul-13 13:18:33

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SocialConstruct Wed 03-Jul-13 13:19:02

ok - thank you. I will try to be more forceful with him.

5madthings Wed 03-Jul-13 13:22:35

Tickling works here, its jsit non negotiable, they have to go inn the car seat and if they scream then they scream. There is no alternative.

If you and more than one child you couldn't spend two hours faffin got get them in.

Tee2072 Wed 03-Jul-13 13:22:42

Thank you Seb.

JFDI? Just fucking do it?

CheepyChirp Wed 03-Jul-13 13:25:28

Counting to three worked well with mine at that age. Start using it with things that you can make them do even if they are resisting.

Eg...Sit down for shoes on. 1,2,3. If they aren't cooperating, they get picked up and shoes put on. It doesn't take long until they realise that mummy counting means it's that it's time to stop messing about and you can use it for things, like getting into carseats that you really need their cooperation with..

Start distracting him from the second you walk out of the nursery door.

"Oooh, I've got something for you in the car! let's get you in your seat and we'll have a look shall we?"

Just a low value treat - stickers, few choc buttons, that sort of thing.

SocialConstruct Wed 03-Jul-13 13:26:55

OK - I do understand that to many other people I must be coming over as some kind of wishy washy inept arsehole, my mum definitely made me feel like I am.

I suppose what I was asking was is this a normal developmental thing that happens to toddlers at around this age or am I just unlucky?

GobbySadcase Wed 03-Jul-13 13:28:49

I do remember the knee in tummy and fold technique all too well... Sympathies OP.

Totally normal!

Have you never seen Ironing Board Toddlers reisting their pushchairs? grin

SocialConstruct Wed 03-Jul-13 13:29:23

I do think I should explain that I am still breastfeeding and I intend on doing so for a while so DS almost always has a feed in the car before getting into his seat. I know not all mums breastfeed and not all mums like the idea of extended or natural term breastfeeding but that is what we have chosen to do and it works for me. it is not the breastfeeding that stops him getting in the car, up until last night I would feed him then put him in the seat with few problems.

last night was markedly different in that he had a very large and full on tantrum.

ihearttc Wed 03-Jul-13 13:29:28

Seriously DS2 is a nightmare to get in a car seat but it has never ever taken more than 5 minutes to do it-he is 2.5 as well.

Its non negotiable-just put him in the car seat hold your hand over him to stop him getting out and tighten the straps...you cannot negotiate and bribe him every single time.

We have to get DS1 to school every morning so he knows he has to go in there...he might not like being in there but at the end of the day he is 2 and Im the adult. Its pretty much the same thing as doing anything dangerous-you wouldn't negotiate with him if he had hold of a knife or ran into the road would you so why try and reason with him about getting in a car seat? I really don't get it sorry.

We have got a Houdini Stop but for the pushchair...he can literally get out of it in 30 seconds with the harness done up so tight he can barely breathe! Haven't tried it yet as only just arrived...do they work?

kelda Wed 03-Jul-13 13:30:44

I have had this with dd1. She was an octopus at this age, and very strong as well. I also had a fight with her to brush her teeth.

You need to choose your battles, and car seats and teethbrushing are the ones that the parent does not lose.

I would use my knee to hold dd down in the seat which sounds dreadful but obviously you do it without hurting your child! - and then my hands were free to do up the car seat.

Two hours fighting with each other must be exhausting and distressing for both of you.

TheSecondComing Wed 03-Jul-13 13:31:54

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

kelda Wed 03-Jul-13 13:32:24

I don't think the breastfeeding is particularly relevant to be honest. Many children, breastfed or not, are impossible to put into a car seat!

I tickled ds. Or gave him my phone and he would be distracted.
I don't like to force my children as might hurt them!

5madthings Wed 03-Jul-13 13:34:27

I bfed two to mine until they self weaned at three years, if he has a feed before he gets in the seat and that so part of his routine then that fine smile

Bit once he has to go in, he goes in. You can't spend two hours every time you need him in the car seat. Tickling/a bit of force and bribery if necessary.

Yes it disc traction and talking about what you will do when you get home.
Tantrums are normal, distract and ignore, you cant always reason with them a this age, sometimes they jsit have to scream.

I get the same on the school run, I let dd walk some of it, but part of it is by busy road and she HAS to go in the pushchair, yes she screams but in she goes and it can't take ages as I have three others to supervise and get home to do dinner.

TheSecondComing Wed 03-Jul-13 13:35:01

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HandMini Wed 03-Jul-13 13:36:05

Social - as others have said i do think you need to nip this in the bud, because behaviour like this in toddlers can really impact your life, particularly plans with others.

You would have got him in to that seat and home if, for example, you had another child to pick up from school, or had a supermarket delivery coming, wouldn't you?

Like a PP, we have a parent friend who will not get her daughter into the buggy. Me and DD have ended up just walking away after the first 10 minutes with a cheery "see you another time then, we really need to get going".

Yes, it's normal for toddlers to have a good rage about EVERYTHING, car seats being a favourite tantrum-trigger, but it's definitely NOT normal to spend 2 hours on the subject or to have to get your child to sleep in order to car seat him.

TheSecondComing Wed 03-Jul-13 13:37:44

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LaQueef Wed 03-Jul-13 13:39:49

DS2 is a nightmare,a nd I have resorted to bribing him with a bottle ( he's not BFed anymore).

I have ALSO resorted to a knee in the chest, which is not as barbaric as it sounds. I'm three times his size and strength and carseats are not negotiable. It doesn';t hurt him.

That said, I've had mindees who refuse to sit in the seat and at those times I'v ehad to call in outside help (got my mum out to do the school run for eg) as there is no way of physically forcing a child that's not yours...

5madthings Wed 03-Jul-13 13:40:36

Oh yes teeth brushing is non negotiable as well!

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