excluded for sexual assalt that didnt even happen

(14 Posts)
imation77 Fri 28-Jun-13 14:06:53

my 11 yo son and his stupid friends think its funny to fart and burp on each other. we have tried to discourage this and tell him to grow up, but no luck and my oh just said he will grow out of it.

on monday my son was held down by two of his friends while a third older boy tried to fart on his face in the learning zone at lunchtime. my boy had a pen in his hand at the time and jabbed one boy in the shoulder and the older lad with his underwear down got jabbed in the anal area. they scuffled and messed around and then all went off and had lunch, i.e. no one upset or no problems.

apparently one of the boys parents has phoned the school and reported it and now its been treated as a sexual matter under the school safeguarding policy what ever that means. i found out on wednesday after school phoned me to tell me my lad has been excluded, now phone call this morning from police asking for us to arrange a meeting.

im absoutely furious about the hole thing, clearly it was not a sexual assalt and just boys messing around. i do not want my boy to get a criminal record when he was the one the others were holding down. only my boy has been excluded, and i think the hole thing has been made into a mountain out of a mole hill.

my parents were here last night and i couldnt ever bring myself to tell mum what has gone off. im so embarrased and annoyed.

ImTooHecsyForYourParty Fri 28-Jun-13 14:12:06

So your son was pinned down while another boy took down his underpants and put his bare arse on his face?

I would be going back to the school and saying if you want to talk sexual assault, let's include that you stupid people

And it's whole, not hole. I do not normally correct spelling, but I need to stop sniggering about a serious thing and I can't while you're saying hole. blush

You need to be very cross with the school about this. Your son was being pinned. your son was trying to get free. As far as I would be concerned, anyone who pinned me down and stuck their bare arse in my face would deserve whatever happened to them.

YDdraigGoch Fri 28-Jun-13 14:16:05

Agree - you should have got your complaint in first. The behaviour by the other two boys (and by your DS if he also does this to others from time to time) is unacceptable,and the school needs to sort it out immediately.

Why do you think it's funny for a boy to put his bare arse on another boy's face? If nothing else, this is bullying.

TheBirdsFellDownToDingADong Fri 28-Jun-13 14:17:16

Hang on, there are 2 bare arses here. The OPs and another child's. If I understand correctly, there is a possibility that the OP's child "jabbed" the other child's anal area with a pen? Possibly lashing out because he was already being pinned down?

I don't understand why the boy involved in the pinning down also had his arse hanging out, or was he another victim?

Whatever, this is vile, disgusting behaviour for 11 yr olds, and each and every one of them needs sorting pronto. Maybe a good talking to for ALL of them by the police might not be such a bad thing.

piratecat Fri 28-Jun-13 14:21:41

as i read it the only boy with his bum out is the older boy trying to fart on op's son's face.

this boy obviously has tried to pass the blame on through the fact he got hurt being stupid.

I would be up the school. now.

ProphetOfDoom Fri 28-Jun-13 14:22:07

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ItsAllGoingToBeFine Fri 28-Jun-13 14:25:12

I think one bare arse.

OPs son held down by fully clothe other boy. Bare arse boy farted on his face. OPs son jabbed pen at bare arsed farting boy and inserted pen into anus (presumably inadvertantly)

I presume this is sexual assault or does it require intent? I think the bare armed farter probably also committed a sexual assault though?

Seb101 Fri 28-Jun-13 14:26:36

Omg, this sounds horrendous! On this occasion your son was pinned down. By the sounds of it, he has probably been the one to pin down other boys on different occasions. IMO all boys involved with this should be punished the same.
Not sure how your son being pinned down and having someone's bum in your face can be described as sexual assault by your son! Is it because he stabbed other boys bum with pen?? Surely that's self defence?? Surely he's the one who's been sexually assaulted!?? BUT I'd be cross that any of this behaviour being classified as sexual assault. It's not sexually motivated is it? Those sort of labels stick and can tarnish a persons reputation for a long time. It sounds more like very immature stupid boys messing around, thinking its a big funny joke! I'd be asking school to suspend all those involved, with warming that any future occurance will result I'm dismissal. I'd get to the school ASAP and make your view very clear. Id kick up a right fuss. If dismissals are being issued, then all those involved should be dismissed. I'd strongly suggest to the school that you may take further action with regards to speaking to the police if this isn't resolved. Your son (on this occasion) was the victim. How
horrible this must be for you. Adolescent boys can be complete idiots!!

AnythingNotEverything Fri 28-Jun-13 14:31:41

I was going to say everything hecsy said.

You can complain too.

Anything relating to farts is standard though for this age group I think, although they definitely went too far.

lougle Fri 28-Jun-13 14:36:17

It sounds very unfortunate that your DS jabbed a boy in the anus with a pen. Are the school aware that your DS was pinned down and it was because the other boy had a bare backside in order to fart on your DS's face that his backside was available for jabbing?

TheBirdsFellDownToDingADong Fri 28-Jun-13 14:41:54

Ah, OK.

Horrid.

God yes, up to school, before close of play today.

Fart jokes are standard however pinning someone down to deliberately fart in someone's face with a bare arse is absolutely disgusting behaviour and all members of the party involved need punishing for that. If the boy in question pulled his pants down then that's just vile and I don't see how it's any different an assault to accidentally jabbing someone with a pen. I'd issue a counter complaint to be honest.

NeoMaxiZoomDweebie Fri 28-Jun-13 17:27:41

Disgusting. sad What on earth is going on in the school that boys are able to act like this??

scoutfinch1 Fri 28-Jun-13 20:20:18

On the facts I would think that after the parent has made the complaint the school has little choice but to pursue it in this manner. I know this may seem ridiculous but will be due to safeguarding policy and will need to be investigated.

Basically, under s.2 and s.3 of the Sexual Offences Act 2003 (depending on whether the pen penetrated) it just needs to be established that the incident wasn't 'sexual'. I'm sure looking at the facts it will be quite clear to all involved that it was not. Whether or not it is 'sexual' is the difference between it being a sexual offence or not. I know it sounds extreme but the school will have a duty to investigate this. I'm not sure about this but there may also be rules about your son having to be excluded whilst this is being investigated (this may be a question to ask the school)

Stand your ground and make clear the facts of what happened. If you haven't already speak with your son and ask whether he (I apologize for the crudeness) was aiming for the other boys anus or whether that was just what was hit in the scuffle. Providing that it was not aimed for make this clear. As others have said again make clear that your son was the victim at first, why the boys trousers were down and your son was acting to stop the boy (who was older).

I think it is highly unlikely that anything will come of this it is just that the school has a duty to investigate in this way due to safeguarding and as horrible as this is for you and your son they cannot avoid that duty. Try not to worry too much.

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