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Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

Behaviour/development

My brother in law smacked my dd hand

19 replies

Cupcakemummy85 · 18/06/2013 22:19

Today my dd1 was being a cheeky madam and threw a plastic bucket at the in laws dog. My dd is only 23 months old and my brother in law smack the top of her hand and told her off. I was so shocked he had done this I didn't know what to say or do. My mother in law then stuck her nose in, laughed and said to my brother in law "good for you" wtf!!!!! I'm so pissed off. Is this ok? Am I overreacting?

OP posts:

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willowisp · 18/06/2013 22:27

She probably won't do it again - I have to say I would be extremely unimpressed if a child threw anything at my dog.

CreatureRetorts · 18/06/2013 22:29

Wtf willow? It's a toddler who doesn't know better.

OP i would be angry and would've said something quite frankly.

HumphreyCobbler · 18/06/2013 22:29

she isn't yet two.

I don't think smacking is ever appropriate, in any circumstances ever. Your BIL should keep his hands to himself.

I expect you would have dealt with it in an age appropriate way if you were given the chance.

I would be absolutely livid.

NotSoNervous · 18/06/2013 22:31

I would be pissed off. IMO it's wrong to smack a child but every parent is different but no one else has the right to do that at all and she's so young too. He cold have said "no naughty" and that would have been enough.

I would still say something to BIL and MIL too

mrsfuzzy · 18/06/2013 22:31

i would have taken him to task about it what gives him the right to do such a thing? you should be telling her off not him, may be he thought you wouldn't say anything to her about it, as you didn't he probably feels justified in his actions. personally i would have taken him aside and told him in no uncertain terms what i thought of his behaviour, but i would have also spoke to my child to explain why she had been told off.

saintmerryweather · 18/06/2013 22:31

were you dealing with her 'cheeky' behaviour?

HumphreyCobbler · 18/06/2013 22:31

I have known toddlers throw things at my baby - I don't think smacking them was at all the way to go willowisp.

Cupcakemummy85 · 18/06/2013 22:37

Oh I absolutely did. I told her exactly what she did wrong and why it was wrong. It was an empty small plastic bucket and she didn't throw it at the dog, the dog just was in the wrong place wrong time. It's dd's new thing to throw things and then say no. It was my BIL I didn't say anything too as I was outnumbered by in laws and was in a state if shock, I'm the parent I discipline. I would never take it upon myself to discipline another child. I do not believe in smacking. My in laws however do. The had a special slipper and everything!

OP posts:

HumphreyCobbler · 18/06/2013 22:42

Special slipper! FFS.

I think people that get so punitive about, what is after all, fairly standard behavior from such a little child (note I am NOT saying that it should not be dealt with in an appropriate manner) sound deeply unpleasant people.

Cupcakemummy85 · 18/06/2013 22:48

I feel it's as if he steps in before I get a chance and tells her off about everything. She is a toddler, it is our job as adult to guide them and show them what is right and wrong, not to smack them and show them when u don't like what someone has just done hit them lol. It's ridiculous. My dd is very polite, please a d thank you etc and setes she's stroppy and throws her food on the floor (which she did the other day and he really shouted at her whilst standing over her and watching her eat). It's just made me not want to go round there anymore.

OP posts:

mrsfuzzy · 18/06/2013 22:55

have you spoken to bil about his behaviour the inlaws just sound a pain in the ass, you don;t mention you husband/partner is he av. to back you up on this, you both need a united front do you need to visit when bil is there? could the inlaws visit you at least then you are on your own turf then

Goldmandra · 18/06/2013 22:59

You need to put a stop to this right now.

Where is your DH in all this? He needs to back you up.

Get together with them when your DD isn't with you and present a united front. Tell them very clearly that, as parents, when you are present, it is your job to discipline your DD and you expect to be allowed to take this responsibility.

Also make it clear that you find corporal punishment of any sort unacceptable and to administer it without your permission is unacceptable and illegal. This applies whether you are present or not.

I seems pretty clear that this is going to escalate if you don't stand up for your DD.

chubbychipmonk · 18/06/2013 23:19

I wouldn't be taking her round either! I'd be absolutely raging!!

syl1985 · 19/06/2013 00:48

My mother in law thought it was ok to smack my kids hands and to tell them off.

It happened like this:
My son wasn't 2 yet. He tried to get something from a small table. I said no to him and pushed his hand back and again.
Then mother in law came and just smacked his hand and yelled NO to him.

She only did this one time ;)

She tried it again when we were with the family in a restaurant. My son didn't like to wait for food to arrive and started to let us know he had enough. He wasn't even crying yet, just getting bored.

She to my father in law who was sitting next to my son:
Give him a smack on his hands for crying.

He looked at me and I looked at my father in law with eyes that were clearly saying:
Dare to touch my child!

He's a nice man and we never had any problem with each other. He totally understood me and did nothing.

So, no you're not overreacting!
I think in only extreme or special situations it's ok for someone else to tell your child off. But anything physical, shouting or swearing is absolutely a big NO NO!!!

I think you could even report it as child abuse. No one is allowed to smack, hit or even touch your child in any way that could be harmful to your child.

It's understandable they were not happy with something being thrown at their dog. But your child is so young and unable to understand that. They could have let you know that they were not happy about it. Maybe said something to your child like:
Please don't throw something to our dog. He doesn't like that.

But smacking.... NO NO NO NO NO NO NO and again NO WAY THAT WAS OK.

It's totally normal for you to be angry about it.

MortifiedAdams · 19/06/2013 00:58

There is no.way on earth I would accept anyone laying a hand on my dd. Hitting / smacking in any shape.or form is unacceptable. How fucking dare he!

MyShoofly · 19/06/2013 02:10

I would find it unacceptable personally and would have said so. oh we're there to manage it yourself for one and the smacking....that would have had me breathing fire TBF. if you don't establish that it's unacceptable then the will presume again so you'd better settle it.

MyShoofly · 19/06/2013 02:10

hmm...that you say YOU were there to deal with it yourself

garlicnutty · 19/06/2013 02:25

There is a standard response for this. You say to the smacker, very firmly, "We Do Not Smack. Don't ever hit my child again." Most people accept this as 'different' parenting. An awful lot of adults who were smacked as children never even think about it, but will respect your wishes once they've found out!

As the incident's already passed, I think you'll have to bring it up specifically - on the phone if it's going to be a while before you meet again. Your DH should back you.

courtneylynn · 19/06/2013 05:38

No one besides parents discipline o would slapped him n the dear old mommy n law fpt thinking it OK n saying what she did would never n aloudto b alone w my child clearly shed do it to. Bit I'd go to the length of him mom n law n ur sis wouldn't b seeing my child for a seriously long time

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