DS acts like I don't exist

(11 Posts)

My DS was absolutely mine until maybe 3 months ago. He was a mummy's boy. I was the only one who could read his bedtime story, I was the one he ran to if he was hurt, I was his everything.

He now acts like I'm nothing. I get no cuddles, or kisses. I'm not allowed to read him stories, bath him, dress him or play with him. I can only do these things on the two days he's at home with me and his daddy isn't there. At weekends, and after nursery in the week, I'm invisible.

He's 2.4. Dd is 5 1/2 months, so it's not as if this behavior started when she arrived - she was well established as a family member when it began, and he adores her.

He's my baby boy and he is breaking my heart. I was sobbing going to hospital to have dd as I was worried about him suddenly not being my only, he is absolutely my pfb, and now he really couldn't give a shit about me.

I've tried doing things just he and I when the baby is sleeping, tried playing games, getting down to his level, being fun, but it's all useless. I'm actually starting to wonder what the point in putting any effort in is as it just goes over his head, but know I have to or he'll never come back to me.

I'm not afraid of hard work to get him back to me, but when dd is full of smiles for me, and all he wants is his daddy, and for me to basically piss off and leave them to it. I feel like an utter failure.

Whatalotofpiffle Thu 13-Jun-13 09:35:16

I don't have much constructive to say but it must hurt. Dd did this to me for a bit and wants daddy most of the time but daddy is like pudding... The fun after the boring day to day which is mummy.

I tried not to take it personally as relying on dd to make me feel ok, for me, was the beginning of a slippery slope. I was worried that her moods etc would end up dictating mine which I didn't want to happen.

Can you try asking dh to leave you to it at bedtime for a night a week?

Oh sweetie, my DS does this a bit, too (he's nearly 3).

I think it's just part of their development, becoming more independent, testing themselves to see how far that umbilical cord will stretch! Also, he's a boy, and you're not, he' s just doing a bit of male bonding!

Don't worry - you will always be Number 1 to him, just smile through gritted teeth when he has these moments and still have those Mummy cuddles and kisses on tap when he needs them!

xxx

Aranea Thu 13-Jun-13 11:40:43

You say dd was a well-established member of the family when this began, but she had only been around for two months and was only just beginning to be really interactive. I think you might be underestimating the impact of her arrival, however much your ds adores her. IMO he probably just needs lots of reassurance that you're still there for him. And don't panic, everything will settle down. You are still the most important person in his life.

SunnyUpNorth Thu 13-Jun-13 13:42:27

My children are almost exactly the same age but the opposite way around, dd is 2 and ds is the baby.

I was exactly the same as you, SO worried before I had ds that my relationship with dd has changed. It has changed I think, and it makes me sad too. But she has been ill recently and only wanted me, so I know deep down she still loves me a bit!

It is so hard, my dd is being much more hard work now Than when ds arrived. I think the novelty of the baby has worn off and she now realises he is here to stay!

I think like another poster said, their dads just seem more fun at the moment as I personally find there is a limit to how much I can actually do (or have the energy to do) with my toddler now I have the baby too. I just tell myself it is one of the many experiences of parenthood. We are all adjusting to this new little person really, so it's not too surprising that the toddler has more of a physical manifestation of their reaction to it as they can't communicate it too well.

Good luck!

exoticfruits Thu 13-Jun-13 13:46:53

I agree with Aranea. I wouldn't worry-it will no doubt change again.

matana Thu 13-Jun-13 14:58:34

I have the same but the other way around, he doesn't want anything to do with his daddy and has even started saying some hurtful things like "not love/ like daddy" and I kmow it breaks dh's heart. When he's like it, I try to take more of a back seat, let him spend time with his daddy alone, do some fun stuff together. He loves their walks to feed the ducks because that's something only dh does with him. It's their special thing and they both come back in high spirits. Ok, so ds soon returns to "only mummy will do" but that time together reminds dh that he needs and loves both of us, evennif he doesn't always show it.

Fuzzymum1 Thu 13-Jun-13 15:01:46

My youngest went through phases of this but he switched between us from time to time. He was all about Daddy at three but at four was all about Mummy. He's six now and much more reasonable, LOL He prefers me but is happy to do tings with Daddy too.

gamerchick Thu 13-Jun-13 15:04:04

Ah man it's a normal part of development to favour one parent over the other at various points It passes, please don't take it personally. Also it can happen when you only have the one, so I wouldn't beat yourself up that its something to do with the babys arrival.

AllegraLilac Fri 14-Jun-13 21:16:18

Don't babies only do this when they are really secure in their parent? He knows you're not going anywhere?

Thanks everyone.

I wonder as well if it is because DH is the 'fun' parent, where I have to be the one saying no.

He unfortunately won't let me do bedtime unless DH is out - and the baby tends to need to be fed and bedded then as well.

Maybe I could send him a run in the car with her til I put him down?!

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