Socialising? How much!

(8 Posts)
quornqueen Tue 07-May-13 22:24:31

Would you consider a 3.5 year old who goes to nursery 2 days a week, but doesn't have any other contact ie no friends at her house, or visits to other friends houses, or any playing with children outside of those nursery days, to be very socialised? (She see's my DS once a month or less)

My DN gets very anxious when DS is in her house or even if they have traveled to see us, and just starts hysterically screaming if he does something she deems to be 'wrong'. She cannot be calmed down. I broached with DB that perhaps shes not used to other kids in a one to one setting, and some play dates might help but he is adamant that she is very socialised due to her 2 days at nursery.

I've vowed to go over more often anyway, but do you think this is the problem? Or perhaps she just doesn't like my DS! DB was unable to say if she is like this with other children because he doesn't see her with them, but DS does see alot of kids even though hes not starting preschool until september.

howah Tue 07-May-13 22:47:27

I would agree with you that he at least needs to see her with some other kids to gague how she acts! He doesn't know what she is like at nursery, does he! Having a few people over would be good for her to learn to share, as toys as nursery are everyones aren't they.

quornqueen Tue 07-May-13 22:57:03

I am starting to think it is my DS that she just doesn't like sad as DB says she has no trouble at nursery, although they do not have friends over from there, even for parties. She has a lot of adult company.

I understand that kids sometimes do just take a dislike to others (like adults do!) and I am really hoping its not that. DS is always so pleased to see her and tries to give her toys to stop her crying when she sets off but she just bats them out of his hands.

Needavacation Tue 07-May-13 23:12:24

My DD see's about 4 other children of her age regularly each week, and we go to groups where she see's the same children each time and I think that's a lot. We see somebody every day usually. We have sharing trouble as does every one which is resolved quickly by taking the child out of the situation. How does your DB react when she is like this?

quornqueen Tue 07-May-13 23:40:32

DB does whatever he can to placate her. Cuddles, putting a film on, he talks to her as an adult and explains that DS didn't mean to do whatever it was that upset her. Some examples are when DS got on his scooter which was parked next to hers and she thought he was going to steal her one. Or if he has more strawberries than her in his bowl, or if he gets out some toys she will scream he is making a mess. Normal things that do set kids off but she just seems to melt down in a way that is disproportionate to the thing that has happened, IYSWIM?

howah Tue 07-May-13 23:45:51

Yeah she sounds highly strung. She will definitely grow out of it and like you say having more friends over will help that. Don't worry too much that she doesn't like him, she is just unsure of how to react to having someone in her space. Your DB could take a firmer hand but things will probably resolve on their own smile

AgnesDiPesto Wed 08-May-13 15:16:39

She might not grow out of it. She might have a social-communication disorder like autism. It could be many things.
I don't think you need play dates to be socialised though. Some children are in nursery 5 long days a week and are very social.
As a parent of a child who does have autism then being told your child has a problem socialising and its your parenting at fault because you don't do enough playdates etc is not something I would find easy to hear, I am not surprised he is defensive about it

Needavacation Wed 08-May-13 18:30:29

I think having friends over does help to get them used to sharing their own things which is different at nursery. I think I would have a friend over to see if she reacts the same way! If she was like this at nursery they would have flagged it so perhaps she knows she gets special treatment at home if she acts this way?

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