I have a nine year old who seems to be acting silly in front of his friends (to look cool?), and has also been accused of bullying a boy at school. I must say I'm shocked. He is quiet, biddable and truly delightful at home. I can't work out what to do. Do I take away his football and all privileges and come down on him like a ton of bricks? There is no excuse for this - he has loving parents and a stable home life. Sorry to seem ignorant but don't know what path to take.
Do boys need their mums at home? I always feel guilty cos I do have a career that I love. I do get home by 5.30 and feel I do a good job as a mum, but must be doing something wrong? If there are mums out there who don't work - do your kids behave and do you think it would improve matters if I gave up work?
Thanks for such quick responses. I actually can't get to grips with it. The bullying refers to the suggestion that he has punched another boy. I can support the idea of him being silly/daft but he's such a softie, I just can't imagine him doing something like that, even though there has been a clash between him and this boy for a few months now. My son has also put up with his fair share of nasty comments/sneers. The child he is supposed to have punched is, I feel, making a huge fuss every time my son goes near him to get him into trouble and I really think my son is being given a hard time. Am I just in denial? I'm getting so wound up because the school seem to believe this boy who is complaining, ring me to tell me what the complaint is but don't seem to have any strong evidence! Re work - I always give myself a hard time. I have I think this idea that SAHMs have perfect kids!!..I'd rather be poor (and unhappy) if it made a difference. My elder son seems to get into trouble too but with him I can well imagine it being his fault! Sorry to go on, but parenting seems to be such a negative affair at times - one thing after another and I just wish they could behave themselves.
On the bullying no advice i'm afraid, but i ashamedly admit that i once bullied a girl in my class (not all the time, just did silly things on one or two occasions that i didn't realise would impact on her as much as it clearly did - i was about the same age as your son). She was quiet, a bit 'odd', no friends etc. Everyone teased her, but i was the one that got caught. Anyway, it never got reported to my parents but a teacher took me to task. I had no idea that what i had done was 'bullying' - but it was explained to me that if someone felt they had been victimised then it was bullying. It sounds obvious, but at that age it really isn't obvious and the lines can be blurred. Anyway, i come from a stable, loving home environment and i felt so guilty that i'd behaved like this - not so much for the way i'd treated the girl but at the thought of how disappointed my parents would be. I came clean, they told me to front up to it and apologise to the girl. I did and fortunately she was very sweet and forgiving girl. Her little sister was bullied mercilessly in the following years and it was me who looked after her and made sure action was taken against the bullies. I hate bullying more than anything now.
Incidentally, my mum was a SAHM to all 3 of her children. It was a silly thing i'd done and i took responsiblity for it because my parents made me.
I am now a WOHM to a 2.5yo and constantly question whether any of his behaviour is because i'm not around enough. Mostly, he's just a very normal little boy suffering from the terrible twos - affectionate, loving, bright, kind etc. But sometimes he's a little shit. They are no more perfect than us adults are! Why do we expect them not to make mistakes? It's how we all learn.