How do you know when you are being 'had'

(27 Posts)
Nishky England Thu 02-May-13 09:24:04

Dd (11) hurt her wrist a few years ago and had an X-ray. Now every little bump she is adamant she needs to go to minor injuries 8)

Tuesday afternoon her wrist gave way during a hand stand and she fell heavily on her shoulder. When I got there she had spent 40 minutes with ice pack on it.
We had the usual insistence that she had to go and when I tried to get her to move it she said she could not move it AT ALL because if the pain.

So we set off, as soon as we are in the car she is chatting and laughing with her brother- when I pointed this out she said she was putting a brave face on it. So it is of course soft tissue damage and funnily enough she had the full range of movement when the nurse tried. Sling given for support and calpol suggested

Yesterday morning she showed no sign of pain so I sent her to school- dh went to an assembly and she was in tears so he took some calpol in. When I picked her up her teacher said she seemed ok when distracted from it.

Last night I had to work at home during evening and she said it hurt so I gave calpol and she went on and on about needing an X-ray - she sat and wrote notes to no- one in particular saying 'please help me I need an X-ray'

At 10:00pm she was sobbing in bed saying it hurt so much- so we went back to minor injuries who gave a more supportive sling and said piggy back nurofen with calpol for inflammation

Oh and as soon as we got in the car there were no more tears and she started chatting about school

I decide if she needs that much medication then she can't go to school - so at 11:00 last night I had to contact colleagues to arrange for someone to cover my work. Some poor bastard will have a shit day today doing something they picked up at last minute and have not prepared.

My children obviously come first and normally I would not worry BUT this morning she announced she had NO pain whatsoever and could she go to school. When I said no she asked if she could play on the wii.

Work have sent me work to do at home and she will be doing SATS revision but I feel so crap that I may have put someone in a terrible position when perhaps not strictly necessary.

So sorry for length but I am pretty upset and would welcome any advice/ criticism/ suggestions on how to handle it differently

Thanks

cory Sat 11-May-13 17:11:46

Very hard to know. Children are so different: dd is a bit of a drama queen, ds is a stoic. My db was very anxious, I was the kind who would hide behind the sofa rather than let anyone know I was ill or in pain.

Having said that, my dc both have a quite genuine connective tissue disorder which undeniably means that ordinary actions cause them a lot more pain than they should.

Funnily enough, this doesn't really make parenting any easier: dd still has to learn to manage her pain and not give up. But the arguments become slightly different: it is no longer about whether she is in pain or not (that is undeniable, I'm afraid) but whether she is taking responsibility for managing it.

I've made mistakes both ways: there have certainly been times when I have made her condition worse by forcing her to push against the pain and other times and there may well have been other times when I have let her off that I shouldn't.

My parents were probably a bit harsh with db once or twice precisly because they got so irritated with his dramas; otoh they might just have done something about my pneumonia a little sooner if I hadn't displayed such a beautifully stiff upper lip.

I think the moral is, as a parent you won't get it right every single time, you can only do your best.

If only all children could be like ds: if he is too ill to go to school he will inform me of the fact and I will know his assessment is accurate: when he feels well enough to go he will get up and do so. And he doesn't even particularly like school.

DeWe Sat 11-May-13 20:33:27

My parents were probably a bit harsh with db once or twice precisly because they got so irritated with his dramas; otoh they might just have done something about my pneumonia a little sooner if I hadn't displayed such a beautifully stiff upper lip.

I could write exactly that about dd1 and dd2. Dd1s pneumonia was so bad the GP couldn't believe she could still stand up. She was saying her shoulder hurt slightly, and could she go to school. If dd2 was saying her shoulder hurt slightly I probably wouldn't have even given her calpol.

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