Can't control toddler

(13 Posts)
chattychattyboomba Wed 01-May-13 09:51:54

It's tough isn't it? DD is 2 and also has her moments- especially in public situations. Last week it was someone else's baby on the bus (thank goodness!!) and DD was behaving herself, saying 'crying mummy? Baby's crying' (like the concept was foreign to her! Lol). I heard a couple of silly old cows saying 'in my day we wouldn't bring children on the bus' and some old hag retorted something about pushchairs having wheels so you can walk, not jump on a bus...
Anyway this furthered my insecurity about DD's behaviour as I am already paranoid about what people would be thinking. It's not going to stop me taking her out of the house though. I know if anyone thinks anything (such as I can't control my child or she is a brat) they are the ones being ridiculous. Toddlers are a work in process, constantly testing your boundaries. Some are complacent and easy going, some are busy and independent... But they are all a blessing so other people can shove their snooty opinions up their bums!

drinkyourmilk Wed 01-May-13 09:40:29

It is really tough isn't it?
I've been a nanny for over 15 years and its only been the past couple of years I havent given a fig if a child is behaving badly in public.
I use distraction lots at this age. I also choose my battles. However if I say no to something I mean it. It can take a while for hem to understand that I mean business but it pays dividends long term.
I reckon that most people looking will either be feeling sorry for you or trying to figure out how they can help. So please don't feel judged.
Re the pushchair, do you need to tighten the reins? A little one I used to look after was amazing at escape, but when I tightened the reins it wasn't physically possible for her to get out. I loosened them when she calmed down obviously

musickeepsmesane Wed 01-May-13 09:12:28

By reins, I mean the kind for walking, not just the pushchair ones

musickeepsmesane Wed 01-May-13 09:11:57

She needs to be on reins even when in the pushchair. Part of your stress could be because of worrying about other people having to listen to the screaming? 30 mins screaming on the bus, gotta give her credit for consistency!! Chill about what others think. Doesn't matter. Children can sniff out weaknesses you know! Don't interact, really same as Cory says. Appear calm, maybe put on a sad face, try to ignore. When she is being an angel, interact with her more, let her know you like it. Sing songs on the bus etc. I have found that a really effective distraction is to be really surprised to see something and the say "did you see that??!!! What was it?? Loook, quick, I think it was................." I feel for you OP flowers

TwentyTinyToes Wed 01-May-13 09:03:46

Thought of something else, i always warn when an activity is about to end, especially a fun activity, i have started counting up to three and on three the activity ends. This is much more predictable for him than "5 more minutes" and i always follow through when i get to the three, even if it results in a tantrum. So far, so good!

cory Wed 01-May-13 08:15:20

I think LittleMissLucy has a point about appearing assertive. Think an experienced elderly headteacher.

You can't stop her screaming but you can make sure she never gets to hit you more than once by restraining her hands until she calms down. The trick is to appear absolutely calm, never show that you are worrying that you won't cope. To a 2yo a parent should be such a godlike being that they simply can't rattle them. (to older children you need to start showing your vulnerability to make sure they develop proper levels of empathy).

Also, everything TwentyTinyToes said.

Thumbwitch Wed 01-May-13 04:43:27

While this might not be a popular idea, have you noticed any correlation between her behaviour and any particular foods?

I have a friend whose DS3 was very hard to manage, he would get very frustrated and was quite violent and difficult but once she changed his diet to a low salicylate diet, it made all the difference - she noticed a change within 48h. Just an idea - it may not work for you - but it might.

LittleMissLucy Wed 01-May-13 04:31:37

Bribery does work, but you have to phase it out, I found. Mine sometimes pipe up "how many carrots do I have to eat, if I want some ice-cream" like its a negotiable term of contract.

Radiator1234 Wed 01-May-13 03:38:35

Also -just to add, v recently, bribery has become v effective and useful!

Radiator1234 Wed 01-May-13 03:37:14

My DD is going to be 3 next month. Generally she is v good but she has her moments eg the other day screaming in a restaurant I had to leave with her kicking and screamingly. Mortifying.

Fwiw I generally find she is more naughty when she is tired e.g. She has gone to bed late.

I have been thinking about how best to try manage her behaviour recently and after a but of research (mainly Supernanny!), I am going to invent some "house rules" ( eg always brush teeth, don't hit or kick anyone, always say please and thank you etc) and also implement a reward chart - you can but them on amazon or just make one obviously. Apparently children typically respond well to them. Here's to hoping!

TwentyTinyToes Wed 01-May-13 02:48:42

My ds is 2.3. Here is what works some of the time (by no means all of the time):

* loads of distraction
* predict difficult situations and plan accordingly, including missing certain activities if i can see a problem brewing
* bribery, snacks to sit in the buggy mainly, or let him walk on his reins until tired.
* give choices instead of open questions e.g. this or that
* pick your battles, my ds went to the doctors the other day with a police helmet and socks on his hands (he had been pretending they were oven gloves) we got some funny looks but i did not think it was worth the fight
* making sure he is well fed, behaviour definitely correlates with hunger
* loads of outdoor/physical activities; walking on reins, the park, soft play
* always follow through on behaviour, even if wildly inconvenient for me
* ignore the bad as much as possible and heaps of praise for the good stuff
* always appear in charge, perfect your serene, calm in control face (not easy i know)

Hope that is helpful, that is all i can think of for now.

LittleMissLucy Wed 01-May-13 01:45:32

I think the first thing you do is don't let the sense of failure show on your face and in your demeanor. You are the mum and you are in charge. If you have to pretend to be a bit more sergeant major than you are and move things along, create diversions, make the word "stop" very clearly heard, then do it. If she raises her hand to hit you, take it gently in your hand and say "no hitting". I am not talking about shouting or hitting back I am talking about appearing assertive. You can do it, its hard with a fiesty little one (I have two of them) and you can feel tired and down-trodden and overwhelmed very quickly but you are the only one who can turn it around. Good luck. Sending positive vibes your way!

megsmouse Tue 30-Apr-13 23:15:56

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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