At my wits end with 19 month old ds Please help!

[LucyBabs]

My ds when he's in good form is an absolute joy to be around however he is a strong minded stubborn little man.

For the last 6 months his behaviour when he's with me has spun out of control.

He cries and whinges non stop he hits me and tries to bite. If I pick him up and comfort him he wants to get down and then screams when I do put him down!

I am being treated for PND and I had been feeling a lot better but now ds is becoming more and more difficult to be around.

I feel guilty constantly, desperate for bed time and the weekends when dp is home.

The hardest part is ds is only like this with me he doesn't act up for dp my friend who takes him to give me a break or my sister.

Its really getting me down,ds can be so affectionate with me but mostly he pushes me away or sits at my ankle crying.

I have a place for him in our local nursery for 3 mornings a week I don't think it will make ds less clingy but it will give me some head space.I feel guilty putting him in childcare when I'm a SAHM.

Any tips, advice or anyone in the same boat as me?

[taurusmum85]

Hi sounds a bit familiar my little boy started showing his stroppy side at about that age. I put him in nursery for 3 days so I could go back to work but mainly to have some adult time and the difference in him is amazing granted he never miss behaves while he's there but he's so much better. As for the hitting and biting im a big fan of super nanny and her way of saying no and explaining that behavior is not acceptable and if he does it again it's time out and after time out it's a clean slate I found it works a treat. But definitely dont feel bad for nursery a few mornings a week so you can have some peace and quiet I dont!

[CreatureRetorts]

I think 19 months is a bit young for explanations and timeout. A no for serious incidents and distractions for others.

He sounds frustrated - he can't communicate what he wants eg the picking up putting down he gets upset either way? Try not to take it personally - he shows you his true feelings because you're his mum.

Try and teach him how to nod for a yea and work on talking to him in simple terms, teach him things. So you can then work what what he might want. We use signs for both of mine - they would get upset if they wanted something and I'd stop what I was doing and they could sign or point. Obviously I couldn't always do that.
Childcare might not help - he might get tired and worse but use the free time to relax and it might make life easier for you.

[mamjar]

Just wanted to sympathise and let you know you're not alone. Both my DS's have been pretty grumpy, whingy, screamy babies. DS1 mellowed a lot once he could talk and by the time he was 2 he was no more clingy or awkward than any other toddler. DS2 is 16 months and every bit as hard work as your DS sounds. It's horrible hearing them being so miserable and making everything such hard work. I do feel my DS1 (now age 5) misses out on a lot of my attention and time because DS2 is so demanding and grumpy. I keep remindng myself that DS1 was exactly like this as a baby and had his time with me and eventually we'll return to some normality and he'll have a lovely brother to share his life with!!! (here's hoping!!! and in the meantime I am relying on a lot of evening glasses of )

[Maghag]

LucyBabs, you're not alone. My DD can be a total poppet one minute then the devil's child the next. She's 19mths too and is going through a very wilfull stage of totally ignoring what I ask her to do and doing the exact opposite and then having a tanty when I stop her doing it. Her comprehension and language is very good so communication isn't a problem I just think she's exploring the boundaries.

I think I'm quite a strict mummy as I won't put up with the bad behaviour but that's just me. We've been through the whole biting, hitting thing - especially with getting in the car seat - and now I just use force to get her in (not hurting her obviously).

They have to know that you're the boss but a fair and loving one too.

DD goes to daycare (what they call nursery in Aus) three days a week and they always say how happy she is but she turns into a monster once home. I do occasionally lose my temper with her but I just have to keep remembering that she's one and half and I'm the adult. And have a big glass of wine when she's gone to bed.

Sorry, I know this is a long answer but I just wanted to let you know you're not alone. I'm on the marvellous little pills for PND which I've been on since she was 3 months. DO NOT FEEL GUILTY ABOUT DAY CARE. Even if I wasn't working I couldn't do five days at home with just her. It's your sanity you're talking about and if you don't feel happy, then they won't either.

Hope things get better but. My advice - stay on the pills, embrace nursery, be strong and don't put up with any toddler crap but try and enjoy the fun times too. Ha, I sound so sane don't I! That's because I'm at work and the little one is at day care. It'll be a mess later on when she's refusing the chicken casserole she's eaten a gazillion times before.

[NapaCab]

My DS is almost 19 months too and it seems to be the age for stroppiness with some kids. He is really loving and fun a lot of the time but when he's overtired or bored or hungry or overstimulated then the tantrums start.

He does that with me too where he pushes me away when I try to comfort him and has hit or thrown something at me and actually bit me(!) on the arm the other day. That got him a timeout and a very strict talking-to obviously.

I think it is frustration from lack of language skills - he babbles all the time and has about 10 words and signs a lot but still can't make himself understood the way he wants to. I had a nightmare myself recently about not being able to speak and trying and trying but not being able to get any words out. I woke up screaming and shouting so that gave me an insight into the frustrating world he is in right now.

It takes energy and focus to cope with a 'spirited' child at this stage so I wouldn't feel at all guilty about childcare even though you're an SAHM. You need to recharge your energy reserves. I am enrolling my DS in a preschool 2 mornings a week from June. Looking forward to it too!

[NapaCab]

Here's a link to a good article that I found really useful, OP. It explains the mental world toddlers inhabit and why they throw tantrums so much. There's a lot of humour in there too so it's good for a laugh!