20mo DS is a bit of a mummy?s boy. When he was under 1yo he basically cried all year unless I picked him up, and with my nerves on the edge I took the ?easy? way out, picked him up, and basically went through life doing everything one-handed with a baby on the hip. So DH helpfully likes to remind me that now I only have myself to blame! Whatever. Now DS is a bit older he?s not totally clingy but he always wants me. He LOSES IT if I pick up another child younger than him, in response I try to introduce him to the other child and get him to say hello, but DS just tries to attack them and is inconsolable until I leave the other child alone and spend a long time reassuring him. If DS is being told off by DH he comes running to me as though I'm going to go easy on him (I don?t). I think DS sees himself as the only baby in my world and that I will always allow him to be a baby. But that is reading an awful lot into the mind of a toddler, isn?t it?! He has a big sister, they get along fine, zero jealousy incidents between them. I know it?s not the most serious problem in the world but I feel like my own behaviour to date has probably made things worse, so right now I don?t trust my own instincts. Any thoughts? Or good books on the issue?
I think all toddlers are jealous when their mummy picks up another baby. It's not like you've prepped him for 9 months about the birth of a new brother or sister, you are randomly cuddling a strange baby. Of course he is jealous. It's normal. My DD is 24 months, adores babies, but wouldn't tolerate me picking up someone else's at the same age.
It's not a rod for your back that you've picked him up. He's attached to you and you are his default source of comfort. You sound like you've done a fab job and he is secure with his mummy. I don't think you need a book. You sound like you're doing just fine. Give him time and you will become deeply uncool and his dad will be flavour of the month!
Ladies, thanks for giving me a bit of perspective! I can't help fretting because DD was never like this, she couldn't give a hoot if I hang out with other babies and was fine settling into nursery and never ever hung around my ankles to be picked up for no reason other than a cuddle - so in contrast it looks to me like he is very emotionally needy, but as you say he is probably just being a normal baby/toddler. On the needy end of the normal spectrum perhaps, as I don't see other kids behaving the same way when I'm out...