Advice please - my boy hit a girl!

[Lawlaw84]

Hi all! I would like some advice regarding the above. My son 8yrs old was at school on Friday and hit a girl in the face and stomach. He bruised her face as a result. I had a call from the Headteacher notifying me what had happened and I was in complete shock. He has never been like this before!

I picked up my son early from school because I didn't want confrontation from the girls mother before I knew all the facts. I have spoken to my son and after a lot of minimising he admitted he did it on purpose in anger. However I just do not understand why, even in anger, he thought he could do this! He does have some behavioral and educational issues which are being investigated by an ed psych and support worker. It has been suggested he may be on the spectrum for autism but this has not been diagnosed.

He apologised to the girl on Friday and wrote her a letter of apology which she accepted. My question is, should I approach the girls mother in the playground on Monday? I plan is to do this and apologise for my sons behaviour which is out of character for him but totally unacceptable. I plan is to also have my son apologise to the lady too. Should I do this or just wait to see if she approaches me?

Your advice would be appreciated.

Many thanks

[cansu]

I wouldn't unless you know her and are sure she will react reasonably. If you want to apologise personally could you phone her and do so? I think speaking publicly could go wrong. It is always better to deal with incidents in school through school.

[Lawlaw84]

I don't know her personally. I am quite nervous about the thought of approaching her as I don't know how she would react. She doesn't look like an approachable lady. However, if someone did what my son did to my child then I would like the person to approach me and apologise. But that's just who I am. I am not sure if I would be able to call her but maybe I could ask the school to set up a meeting. Just don't know what to do for the best :-(

[ChasingStaplers]

I don't think you need to do anything else - the school sound like they're are dealing with it and your son has already apologised.

To be honest, these things happen and if it were my daughter who got hit I would expect the school to deal with it and wouldn't expect any input from the parents unless I knew them personally. I'm a bit surprised you would expect the parents to get involved if something like that happened to your DC TBH

[tiger66]

I would say something. My ds was bitten and scratched by another girl. Her mother came and apologised to me and asked if ds was okay? She made it clear that she was horrified by her dd behaviour and it was forgotten. Knowing that the parents aren't in agreement with her behaviour made me feel better. Good luck x

[DalaHorse]

If your son is 8 then there will be a few more years of him attending the same school and of you possibly bumping into her/the girl, which could be awkward if you haven't cleared the air.

I think I would probably approach the other mother to give an apology, but I would keep it short but genuine. (I wouldn't necessarily take DS to apologise too if as you say she looks a bit unapproachable, also, she would feel cornered when it should be a parent-to-parent thing).

Maybe say something like " Hi. Could I speak to you for a moment? I am very sorry about what happened to your DD. It is not something my DS has done before and I felt terrible when the school told me. He has apologised to your DD and written her a letter of apology but I wanted you to know that I am very sorry about it too".

If she has anything negative to say in return (she may be taken by surprise and/or still feel quite indignant) whatever you do don't get drawn into it, just say "It's probably best if I go now, but I just wanted you to know I am sorry about what happened, I appreciate your time".

If I was the parent of the child who had been hit it would irk me if they carried on like nothing had happened and I would be tempted to assume they didn't care/condoned. But only you can judge how appropriate it is to apologise directly. Some might say least said soonest mended. Go with your gut instinct. Maybe that might be writing a short note of apology and asking the school to pass it on, if a direct conversation is inappropriate/could go wrong.

[Jinty64]

Ds (6) was injured by another child at the school holiday club a couple of weeks ago. An accident report form was completed, he was given first aid and we were given a copy of the form. The other child's parents (I believe it was a 10/11 year old but they didn't tell me who) were phoned at the time and spoken to when they collected him. They were told that if it happened again he would be excluded. Ds told me the name of the boy.

I feel it was dealt with appropriately and would not approach his parents or expect them to approach me.

[TheYoniWayIsUp]

My son was pushed over by another child in reception class. His face was cut and bruised quite badly. The school told me that the little girl responsible had been told off and placed in time out, and that she would miss play time for a couple of days. Her mum approached me and apologised profusely, telling me she would be adding a punishment at home too (I forget what it was). I appreciated her coming to speak to me and accepted her apology gladly.

When all is said and done, kids will be kids. The don't have the maturity to control their anger that adults have, and these things happen. It sounds to me like you're dealing with your son well. If it's out of character then I wouldn't worry unduly.

If the other mother reacts badly to a genuine, heartfelt apology then she's the one in the wrong IMO. Good luck.

[Lawlaw84]

Thank you for all your advice. I saw the girls mom today and apologised to her. She was great and thanked me for apologising. Her daughter and my son normally get on really well so she said she was surprised about what had happened. My son also approached her an apologised which she thought was really nice and thanked him for. I feel so much better for apologising to her. I just hope I never have to get a call from the head teacher again :-)