Newborn and toddler - advice please

[Tumblemum]

Dd about two weeks ds about 2 and a half. Have tried since birth to give him lots of one to one attention when I can and be patient loving and firm but problems.

He has been shouting at me screaming, shoving and hitting me when I am holding dd and generally being very hard work. Refusing now to sit on naughty step which had been a very useful cool down mechanism, whines incessantly at me for videos all the time and refuses to eat.

This morning he lunged at me while holding dd refused to stop and in the chaos hit his head on door, no harm done but has frightened me.

Getting to the end of my tether - we have never smacked himm and hope never to but there have been a few moments when I almost have
Any advice on strategies how to deal?

[Marne]

I have a 2 month old and a 2 year old, it does get better, dd1 took a while to get used to having a sister, she would scream if i went near the baby and hit me a few times.
I just ignored the bad behaviour and gave her extra praise for being good, she seems alot better now, she still screams from time to time but she's no way near as bad as she was.

[neena28]

Oh dear see what you mean!

Can't offer to much help I'm afraid as mine are 4 and a half years apart but I know that my ds was more whiney after dd was born too.

All of this will prob pass when the intial shock of the new baby has passed.

Only thing that I find very effective is just repeating 'I can't understand you while you are shouting/hitting me/throwing a tantrum etc' and saying it over and over again in the same way interpersed with the phrase 'talk to me in this normal voice and then I will help you'. It made my ds more frustrated in the short term but did eventually make sense to him and he calmed down.

Just be really careful about leaving your ds with the baby, am sure you are but your son has no idea what the consequences might be of a hit or bite.

Hope things improve soon. xx

[julen]

Hi there, sounds tough.. I follow my mum's two bits of advice on this one: Involve the older one as much as you can, i.e. let them help bathing the baby ('look, you wash her legs'), change nappies, etc etc. Also, sometimes the baby just has to wait a little bit when a toddler needs attention. I don't do it all the time of course, sometimes they (toddler) just have to wait as well, but it seems to work. Did it when ds was born and dd was just under 2, and am doing it again now that dd2 has arrived (she's 2 months, ds is 2).
I do feel torn sometimes, when the little one is crying and I am quickly attending to some pressing problem for ds (finding his all important toy cars for example), but more often than not she falls asleep while waiting, even if it's just a minute. After all, nobody can be at two places at once..

Not sure if this is helpful, but goodluck!!

[Yummymum1]

My ds's 2.5yrs apart and can honestly say the 1st 8months after ds2 was born were the worst time of my life!!DS1 turned from being lovely boy into totalmonster,tantrums,screaming,hitting etc.Understandable but VERY hard to deal with.Tried getting him involved with baby but seemed to make no dif.Fortunately he never hurt baby just took jealousy out on us.Very pleased to say that now he is 5.5and ds2 nearly 3 they are inseperable &best friends.Hang in there,it does get better!!Good luck :)

[Tumblemum]

thanks all, slightly better day today but had the assistance of my dm today which helped! the only saving grace is that he goes to bed at 7 gets up at 8 and sleeps for 2-3 hours during the day and both he and dd conincide with their sleep

[Filyjonk]

Agree, 1st 8 months are worse.

Hang in there and be really really kind to yourself.

Have days where he watches too much telly.

Give him huge amounts of hugs.

If you possibly can, and I know its really hard, give him time alone with you.

Try to get out to the playground so he can let off steam.

Its hard, but we have just come out the other end. Ds, 2 1/2 and dd, 10 months, now adore each other and play very happily together. That first couple of months was awful though.