Help me, please tell me what to do before I loose it.

(17 Posts)
NeedsTherapy Wed 24-Apr-13 22:05:02

A bit of background, dd1 used to be a great sleeper. We never had any problems with her, I would put her to bed and she would go to sleep. Then dd2 came along and dd2 was a crap sleeper. One day we did some sleep training with dd2. It took 7 days but finally we cracked it dd2 is now an amazing sleeper. I put her down and she's asleep.

But now dd1 is a crap sleeper. We have problems every bed time. During the sleep training we let dd1 stay up and fall asleep on the sofa, we figured it was only a couple of days and wouldn't be too bad. How wrong was I! 6 months on and bed times are a nightmare. There's shouting screaming tantruming and last night (please don't flame me) I even smacked her sad

It's almost 10pm and she's still awake we've been going since 6.30 and I don't want to loose it again with her.

Tomorrow I am splitting the girls up. Putting dd2 in the spare room so I can concentrate on getting dd1 back to being a good sleeper without disrupting her.

So please tell me what to do? I will stick at it, just tell me where to start. Is supernanny's approach of rapid return without talking the best or is there another way? In the past staying in her room hasn't done much apart from keep her awake.

Dh is away during the weeks returning late Friday evenings so will be here to support Saturday and Sunday evenings but other than that I'm on my own.
Will you hold my hand through this? Where do I start?

NeedsTherapy Wed 24-Apr-13 22:05:40

Sorry dd1 is 2.6

NeedsTherapy Wed 24-Apr-13 22:25:00

Finally both asleep. I'm shattered so going to bed now. Will be back tomorrow

baskingseals Thu 25-Apr-13 07:22:55

Poor all of you.

She is still very young. I would keep on ding rapid return. Know that this will NOT last. Hold your nerve sweetheart, and do something nice today.
X

newmumof2at42 Thu 25-Apr-13 16:16:11

is she in a cot?

flossymuldoon Thu 25-Apr-13 16:40:08

Poor you. I totally sympathise!

Which bits are you struggling with. Is it getting her underessed for bed, getting her upstairs, getting her the stay in bed?

How old is she?

NeedsTherapy Thu 25-Apr-13 16:42:22

No she's in a bed.

I think she's just going through a *horrible stage. She's been awful today shouting, screaming, hitting. She's had so many time outs and I just am struggling to hold it all together.

*i know she's not horrible. But she is brig very difficult.

I had miscarriage number 6 last week and I'm wondering how much is my fault. How much she's picking up on my sadness and anger at the situation. I know the hitting is my fault sad she's never attempted to hit anyone before I smacked her.

Today we've moved some rooms around and the girls are now separated. So at least the crying and shouting wont keep Dd2 up.

Rapid return it is. I don't care how long I takes I'm going to stick at this. I need her to sleep

NeedsTherapy Thu 25-Apr-13 16:43:25

It's the getting her to stay in bed and go to sleep flossy, she's 2.6

flossymuldoon Thu 25-Apr-13 17:09:07

Really sorry to hear about the MCs and sorry you're having a tough time. It must be really hard for you to the mo.

I wonder if she's picking up on your feelings. My DS picks up on mine no matter what i do to try and cover them up and it significantly impacts his behaviour and he gets quite controlling. The only thing that works is lovebombing him (or filling up his love tank as we call it in our house). Going overboard with kisses and cuddles and babying him etc. If he pushes me away then i make it into a game as quite often the times they push you away are the the times when they need it the most.

We had a bad one night on Tues (as we are back from holiday and getting back into the routines and he has been very umpleasant to me) and it was 9.30 before he settled. DH got cross but actually that just made DS worse and i knew there was no hope of getting him to sleep if he was wound up. I took over and sat with him and cuddled him until he calmed down and then we chatted for a little bit. He finally settled down to sleep.

NeedsTherapy Thu 25-Apr-13 18:38:21

I put dd2 to sleep in her new room, then spent some time reading, singin and chattig with dd1. I've left her now so fingers crossed she goes to sleep. She is so tired from nights of fighting with me this week (she hasn't yet mastered the art of sleeping in and is up at 5.30 regardless of the time she goes to sleep) she and I could both do with a decent night tonight.

NeedsTherapy Thu 25-Apr-13 19:02:29

Wow I'm in shock and not completely convinced it was anything I did differently tonight, but both children are asleep!

I am so tired I coul cry! But what I need to do is give the house a good tidy while I have the chance!

MaryRobinson Thu 25-Apr-13 19:14:05

I agree about picking up on your feelings. Children find an angry parent very distressing and just want you to be calm and loco g with them. The more you can do this and thereby everything is good on the world, the easier it will be.

The other thing I have found us that tired children sleep- run her around until she is really really tired, at least an hour outside running jumpin skipping or whatever.

I'm so sorry that ou've miscarried again- it's awful.

NeedsTherapy Thu 25-Apr-13 19:39:02

I'm trying not to be angry with them sad I don't like shouting.
Tiring her out outside is a tactic ill try tomorrow.

Argh Dd2 is awake!

MaryRobinson Thu 25-Apr-13 19:43:23

I'm sorry I didn't explain that very clearly: I know you're trying not to let angry show (my God it's tough, and an endless battle). The point was that being angry does make the problem worse.

NeedsTherapy Fri 26-Apr-13 09:53:27

Ahh I see! Yes I'm sure everything I'm feeling right now is making everything worse for her.

Last night wasn't too bad, I did have an incident at 2am where dd1 woke and insisted she wanted to wee on the ducks. (She sleep walks, talks and has night terrors) not sure what that was about confused

Going to follow the same tactics tonight and hope for similar results!

NeedsTherapy Fri 26-Apr-13 18:14:26

Tonight not going as we'll although better than some this week (although there is time!) she's been out of bed once and is whining, but still in her room. Fx she decided to just go to sleep. Make that out of bed twice.

mummy2benji Sun 28-Apr-13 22:42:34

Sending you a hug and a brew although you might possibly need a wine more. 2.6 is young and particularly difficult when she has an even younger sibling, there might be an element of having her nose pushed out of joint by the new arrival too. And discipline at that age is hard when they start tantrumming and are beyond all reasoning with. I think the Supernanny approach is a good one, certainly it seemed to work well given perseverance in the programs I watched. I would pick her up, return her to her bed, say calmly "sleep now. Night darling" quick kiss and leave. I do feel for you as it's so hard when you're knackered and you just want the evening to be your own and have a break from it all, and not be up and down trying to settle kids. Keep at it - it will improve.

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