Leaving your baby with other people?(46 Posts)
At what age did you start to leave your baby with anyone other than your partner. My mother keeps going on about it to me saying that if I don't do it now my daughter won't want to be with anyone else once she's older. (She's 13weeks old, I will be going back to work when she's a year old). I suspect this is more down to the fact that my mother wants her to herself, which in its self I find a bit strange. What are your thoughts/experiences. AIBU to not want to leave my baby, people keep saying 'you must need a break' I don't, I live being with her??? Sorry for the long post
My son is 10 months and hasn't left my side yet! I dread the day.....
At about 4 months old I started leaving my youngest DD for an hour or two at the most. By 6 months she was with her nanny for the entire day. She's 1 and I've never been away from her overnight.
My older DD was 6 months before she was away from me for a day and 17 months before she was away from me for a night.
I've only left ds aged 3.4 a couple of times for a few hours, (and am always with him in the day) he started nursery in jan and was absolutely fine. Do what feels right for you don't be pushed into it.
DS was about 10 weeks old i think and i left him with my sister at our house. It was only for an evening for a 40th birthday party. I had to leave him when he was only a few weeks old so i could buy a Christmas present for my DH, but it was for about 1.5 hours with my mum. At 2.5 he has stayed overnight at my parents and sisters about 3 times. I have never left him with anybody other than immediate family because he doesn't know anybody as well as he knows them - and i include my mil in that.
So you will leave dd with your dm when she is providing free childcare but not for the sheer joy of one to one time with her grandchild?
Not sure which one of us you were referring to but in my case, yes, that's pretty much it.
I wasn't fortunate enough to be able to be a stay at home mum. Every minute of that first year was precious, and there was no way I was missing any of it if there wAsnt a damn good reason.
Even now I've returned to work, I never leave him outside those hours. I miss out on enough as it is.
I think its is very natural and wonderful to feel the way you do. I have loved experiencing that solid attachment and wonderful protective, almost animal, need to be close to my children when they are young.
It does fade naturally. But only when you are ready! I really miss it now. Its part and parcel of having a baby.
I have friends who have left very young babies but they felt fine about it. I have friends who rarely leave their teens with anyone - and that is fine too.
Own your own experience of being a mother. Everything will happen very naturally - you do not need to feel bad or convinced otherwise.
Just don't if you don't want to.
Don't be pressured.
There is no right or wrong or any particular way you should feel.
If you want to leave your baby with someone because you would like a break or because you're happy to give that person what they want then go ahead. If you're not happy you are under no obligation to do it.
It won't make a jot of difference to whether the baby is happy to go later on or not.
Like nannynick says, follow your instincts.
Left edward at 6 months with in laws for a couple of hours and overnight at 14months. Only been left a few times with them other than those times and never with anyone else and he is almost 20 months. I still find it hard to be away from him.
I left DS with my sister at 5 months because we'd naively booked tickets to see one of my favourite bands before actually having DS, assuming that 5 months was plenty of time!
My sister lives right next to the gig venue, and I was only gone 4 hours, but it was a big deal! I enjoyed the gig, but I certainly won't be arranging anything that early now DC2 is on the way. I didn't leave DS again till he was about 1 I think (apart from with DP!)
DS is now 4.4. He's a happy, confident little boy who is absolutely happy to be left with other people. The other day for example, we tried out the creche in Ikea (DS has been to both nursery and a CM but I've never left him with a bunch of total strangers before). DP and I both went with him, in case he needed reassurance or changed his mind about going. But he raced through the gate without so much as looking back at us!
I fully subscribe to the idea that the more secure you make your DC feel when little (e.g. lots of cuddles, and generally doing stuff that makes your DCs feel safe and loved but which other people say is "making rod for your own back") the more secure they will be when they're older.
Your mum has an agenda, don't feel rushed! She will just have to wait!
However it's worth considering that you will probably appreciate her keenness when your DD is a bit older. MIL would look after DS in a heartbeat if only she wasn't 500 miles away. My own mum is within traveling distance but rarely wants to help out with babysitting type stuff. As a result we have no informal childcare / family support and therefore no social life to speak of any more! I really wish we did have family nearby who wanted to be involved.
I left my DD at less than six weeks as we had tickets booked for a show way before I was pregnant only 5 miles from the house. I left her with my Mum and she was fine (both mum and DD!!) My not by law mother in law keeps on saying about leaving DD with her. She is 5 months now and I am still not really comfortable with that. You know in your heart who you are comfortable with and when and you should not let people pressure you or guilt you into it.
Appart from the half hour/hour away at docs or physio today was the first time. I left her for 3 hours and she had an uber meltdown. She's almost 7m. Felt rubbish but I had to go into work so couldn't be helped.
My Mum had to have my son at 5 weeks old overnight as my partner had a bone scan and baby wasn't allowed to be around the radiation afterwards. It was a long night! Unfortunately my partner has advanced cancer and baby has been left twice with a very close family friend for a few hours whilst we go to appointments. He's now 9 weeks old and will need to be spending a few hours with people other than us and Mum whilst my partner has treatment. I hope this will help baby feel really safe and comfortable as he's growing with our immediate circle of friends.
Hmm, seems just a little extreme to me. But you say you're not ready so fair enough. But I don't think you'd be unreasonable to let your mum mind her for a bit and it is really nice for her to have your dd for a bit on her own. Would develop her confidence too and help ensure your dd will be happy and comfortable with her and have a strong relationship with her when you do go back to work. Esp if you are hoping she will help out with child care.
I don't see anything strange in your mum wanting to do that btw.
So yanbu but you should not dismiss it either!
my first baby when he was about 3 months old,i actually went back to work full time,my mum looked after him,i went to work about 5 hen he was still asleep,he wpke at 7ish,my mum looked after him til 2 ish.I only managed two weeks back at work though as i missed him too much and physically it was too much for me.
He is 5 now and i never left him after that,he started school last year and that was the first time hes ever been away from me!he skipped in,happy as larry!You would think he would be clingy but its had the opposite effect,he seems so confident,and i think it could be because he know i am always there for him.
i hae had 3 others since then and never really left them with anyone,not because im against it or anything,ijust dont feel like i need a break,if i was struggling i would for sure.It just doesnt occur to me?
I dont really get this this thing about mothers "having them" ?is it a northern thing?a class thing?we just dont do that really.it seems odd to me.
Started leaving dd regularly at 8 months. Two hours three times a week with the grandparents.
She wasn't ready before that. She is ebf and was a very clingy baby. Everyone told me I needed her to get used to it but I didn't budge.
Now she goes happily with grandparents and waves and enjoys her time whilst out and about. I am quite certain that I made the right decision.
I've always left my baby with my parents, and have also left him for an afternoon with very good friends (who have teenage kids) from when he was 6 months. But you should just do what you feel comfortable with, don't let your mum pressure you into something you're not keen on. I don't think she's right that she'll never want to stay with other people, that doesn't make any sense to me. If you love being with your daughter all the time, lucky you, enjoy it!
From a different perspective - my DNephew is 11 months old. I love him to bits, but have never ever been left alone with him or even taken him in the buggy to the end of the road
I feel quite hurt, as if DB and DSil don't trust me.
Having said that, I would never let on to them, he is their baby and they must do what THEY feel is right, and if someone (ie me) doesn't like it then tough.
It does upset me tho
It depends what you mean- for a whole day- not until I went back to work and my dd was 12 months. For a few hours- my mil and mum both took her for walks in the pram/sat about with her asleep on them (whilst I slept upstairs!) etc from a few weeks old.
She was ebf and a bottle refuser though, so I couldn't leave her for more than a few hours until she was on cows milk during working hours. She's never stayed away from home overnight and she's 2.5 now.
Do whatever makes you and your dd happy. I have friends whose dc stayed with relatives overnight from a few weeks old, and other friends whose dc have never stayed away from home overnight at 6 years old. All perfectly happy children.
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