Our dd is 2.4 years old. She has always been very fun loving, and generally a really good little girl.
Recently she seems to be very sensitive and getting upset really easily, but this is then leading to ongoing behaviour.
I appreciate that part of this is just her age, so I am trying to gloss over tantrums and reward good behaviour.
We have a 14 week old ds who she adores thankfully, and is always really sweet and affectionate to. But I also realise this is a huge change in her little world and that her insecurity with the new situation may be coming out in other ways.
The main problem we are currently having is with bath time. She used to adore her bath and would get upset to be taken out. For the first 5 weeks after ds was born she point blank refused to get in it. Eventually she got back in, with him in it, and seemed to be loving it but now is refusing again. It was been around 5 weeks or so now I think. We have tried just leaving her, trying to get her in with her cousin or friends, new toys, having a shower instead, having a bath/shower with me or dh. Nothing is working.
Dh was bringing her swimming every weekend so she was at least getting a shower there and would go in it there although not at home. But for the past few weeks she has refused to go swimming, again she used to love swimming.
Last Saturday she cut her finger. It was only a tiny cut but probably the first time she has been cut and seen blood. She was hysterical for about two hours, it was horrible. For the past week now she has refused to use her hands and has them permanently clenched. She is also refusing to wash them. She is still letting me brush her teeth and wash her face at least!
So I am having to feed her etc. she will occasionally use her thumb and forefinger on the non-cut hand if necessary...ie to hold a lollipop miraculously!
She has willpower that's for sure.
Then the last few days she has been stuttering a bit and keeps saying sorry all the time if she trips or falls etc, even though she hasn't hurt anyone.
We have recently tried forcibly bringing her into the shower as we were desperate to wash her (she was getting a bit smelly). It was horrible and she got very upset, but was fine as soon as it was over. But I felt wrong so I am not keen to do it again as I don't want to cause bigger problems.
She has been a bit funny with having her nappy changed but obviously I had no choice with that one so she seems to have begrudgingly accepted it. She isn't potty trained but was very happily doing a wee in it in the morning and before her bath but has refused since being on bath strike - gets v upset if I even mention it.
We have managed a sponge bath a couple of times but she is not happy with it really.
My main concern is that she is refusing to do something that she actually really loves which makes me sad. Plus I don't want to handle it in a way that could create a longer term issue like a permanent fear of bath time.
She played happily with some water in the garden yesterday so I don't think a fear of water is currently a problem.
I am also annoyed as we have booked center parcs in two weeks mostly for the swimming!
I am a full time SAHM so she is only ever with me and dh or occasionally my parents. So her world is generally very steady and nothing could really have happened that I would not be aware of such as falling in the bath etc.
Sorry this is so long, I appreciate anyone taking the time to read it and would really, really appreciate any words of wisdom.
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Advice please re sensitive two year old - especially re bath time
SunnyUpNorth · 13/04/2013 16:24
She does sound like my DD - she adored her brother and still does. I expected a lot of her, probably too much. Like you I tended and tend to get on with my jobs when DS is asleep, poor DD often gets left to fend for herself, which she is very good at doing.
One thing that works really well for us (though not sure if your DD is big enough) is having DD in the front seat when we are out and about. She loves to be next to me and we often have really good chats.
The other thing I always made sure I did was that once DS was asleep DD always got her own story and special time with me. Again she always used to talk to me then too.
I think it helps them if you give vent to some of the feelings they must have, on their behalf. I often say to DD, its tough having a little brother isn't it, even though we love him. He always wants things! That kind of talk really helps and perhaps more so with a younger one like yours who probably really doesn't know herself yet what the problem is, and certainly can't put it into words. Ive noticed my DD recently is able to start telling me whats bothering her, but she is quite a bit older, nearly 4. The hysterics have calmed down since (alleluia!) 
Despite her difficulties with getting things in perspective she's a lovely kid though and very sweet natured. I would rather the hysterics than an aggressive child who you can't leave in the same room as the baby.
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OP
Don't worry that you will make her dislike her brother; the fact is your DD has feelings (positive and negative) about your DS and the new situation which are there already, they won't be "created" merely by your giving expression to them. There is no question that the arrival of a baby is unsettling for any child. Those feelings will be there already (together with the positive ones too!). All you are doing are giving expression to them and helping her. If she knows you understand and help her get a handle on it, she won't need to act out quite so much.
I was very anxious about the effect of DS arrival on DD - and was unrelentingly positive to DD about DS all the time. My own sibling was much younger so this was uncharted territory for me really. DH pointed out that maybe I should get real and acknowledge to DD what really was going on - which is a mix of love affection and pride in the new baby together with anxiety about the new set up and having to settle for coming second sometimes. I am convinced it helped DD to become a really kind big sister - she knows she can talk about it when her brother is annoying her and that its OK and the world isn't going to fall apart because of her negative feelings. If negative feelings can never be expressed, children grow up fearing their power. If your DD can say she hates/dislikes your DS/the new set up sometimes, she will see the limit of her negative feelings, that the world doesn't fall apart, that she isn't "dangerous" to your DS because of the negative feelings she sometimes has, and she will be learning a lot about the reality of relationships, which is complex.
As my two got older and started squabbling over toys I got anxious as I wanted them to love each other. But if you get really worried each time they don't get on, you'll have a nervous breakdown. Gradually I realised that they have a very deep bond - sure they don't get on if they are arguing over the same toy, but their relationship is much too deep to be destroyed by it. I don't need to worry, I just need to make sure that no-one gets hurt and that fair's fair. Sure enough now they go from arguing over a toy to having a great laugh together, in minutes.
Sorry to harp on but this is close to my heart as its something I've dealt with recently. You don't need to put ideas in her head but you can talk discursively with her about whether she finds it hard having a brother sometimes (she does find it hard sometimes - this is certain!)
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