My son is a bully - what can i do to help him?

(7 Posts)
bibibibi Wed 20-Mar-13 08:05:40

(named change)
He is 4.5, he has always been very active and very high maintenance, never an easy baby.
he had a baby brother when he was 17 months (and still has!) and when DS2 was about 1 thats when i noticed DS1 was not so kind with him.
now ive been called in at school because he and 2 other friends pulled another boys trousers and made him cry.
Everybody at school says he is the naughty boy. he doesnt get invited to birthdays or to playdates either...
thats the beginning of bullying and i want to stop it now.
Any advice, help?
thanks

kitbit Wed 20-Mar-13 08:18:22

Firstly I would talk to his teachers and carers, they wil have seen it all before and may have some advice? Good luck smile x

NeoMaxiZoomDweebie Wed 20-Mar-13 09:03:34

Has he had any emotional upset in his life? Is his Dad around?

Theas18 Wed 20-Mar-13 09:39:34

Gosh a very small boy has done something daft on 1 occasion and you label him " a bully" . I think you need either to give us a lot more info or find out a lot more about his perceived naughtiness first. How is he " not kind" to his brother? For instance not wanting to share toys/parental time with a sibling is very much normal, and may result in physical action to rty to get his way (grabbing , pushing, hitting out).

daytoday Wed 20-Mar-13 10:26:44

Ok, deep breaths. Its really upsetting but don't let your imagination go running away with you and start thinking about his future - cause its not set right? You haven't got that crystal ball. He's not a gang member yet smile He's 4 right?

Its really hard isn't it, when your kids do things that are wrong - but that's where you parent - isn't it?

You know, pulling down trousers etc is something many many children do. Also, lovely children can do really really mean and stupid things. And lovely children also go through hard times when they are annoying, silly, rough, etc etc. Everyone takes their turn parenting 'the kid' that did something wrong. You've had it already. But trust me, it comes and goes and those silly boys often grow into the most lovely wonderful lads.

You should go in to the school and tell them how you feel (fears of bullying) and ask what you can all do to work together. Ask them to explain any class dynamics that are relevant. When did it happen? I'm guessing it was when they were unsupervised right?

Maybe your son needs more supervision at playtime, maybe the whole class do (because he did it with other kids?) Your son is only 4! It is up to the adults around him to help him work through his mistakes. He needs to know you think he is lovely and that we all learn from our mistakes. Ask him how he can make it up to this kid etc- get him to talk to you.

No one (with any merit) will have labelled him the 'rough boy' - there is a tendency to think that all the other parents know your own child. But honestly, they won't. At this age, they will be worried about all the silly things their children do too. Like saying mean things, or being too shy, or not eating food at lunch . . .

bibibibi Thu 21-Mar-13 15:34:01

Thanks daytoday

yes he is only 4 and everything is a minor but still i have that feeling it could all escalate if i dont do something now...
all the other children at pre-school call him naughty boy.... makes me very sad but he doesnt seem to understand.

The school called me to discuss the incident with pulling trousers and also regularly he is scratching/biting other children too...

i have told him that no-one will like him and want him for playdates and i intend to refuse playdates invitations for two weeks in hope he understands (then again, he doesnt get a lot of invites...

not kind to his brother as in when they play together he will make him do the naughty things (splashing the bathroom, rubbing yogurt on the table) or he just take toys away from his hands or roar into his face to scare him so he'll leave the toy...
actually roaring and pretending to be a lion is a big problem too because lots of parents are complaining that he scares their children at pre-school (but alos random parents in the playground).

ive ordered a few books about feelings/making friends etc on amazon yesterday... not too sure what else to do...

bibibibi Thu 21-Mar-13 15:35:09

sorry, no emotional upset, he has always been strong-minded and a real PITA
yes dad is here and around and helping a lot although working long hours

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