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tips and experience on having a newborn when you already have a child. (toddler)??(12 Posts)
I'm due my 2nd dc in Sept....dc1 will be just over 2
After an emcs I am considering another cs but not decided yet. My initial concerns are not being able to pick him up for cuddles and him clambering on my healing belly. I don't want those first weeks to upset him but know this may not be easy as hes so young.
Hes a content happy lad normally and interacts well with pther children and babies.
Hes great with both of us but is a mummys boy when it comes to cuddles and comfort etc.
Also I will need to move him to another room anyone recommend if that's better to do before baby arrives or after? We'll be moving him from cot to toddler bed before too.
Any advice /experience / tips to share ladies?
I love having a baby and a toddler
There are 22 months between my first two, and it was lovely.
DD1's very earliest memories are of her sister being born.
I would leave as much the same as possible in terms of sleeping arrangements - if the baby will be in with you to start with maybe leave the toddler where she is.
Obviously you'll have to switch the cot for the cotbed, but if you're planning to use it as a cot at first it won't be a big adjustment. Just slightly more room.
If you should end up with another section (I did), you should be OK (if it all goes well) by the time your husband goes back to work.
Have you any family help you could rely on in the early weeks?
It'll be great
Thanks for reply! Going to pick your brain now....did your section heal fine both times? My first section healing was fine really easy actually but I had a dural puncture which was horrific! But I'd have to be really unlucky for that again.
How did your dc1 react to the attention that dc2 took away from them?
My hubby would have his 2 weeks and my mil will be about to help but will I need her all day do you think? I hope to continue a couple od sessions a week with childminders where he is full time now as he loves it and don't wanr to lose his social side.
We kept ds in our room for 6 months so good point! :-)
I'm really pleased with age gap as always wanted 2 years but cant help but wonder if I'll regret that statement 4 weeks in, sleep deprived lol!
How did you find night feeds and waking with dc1 1?
Sorry for all q's! I've not announced news in rl yet and 16 weeks in im already wanting to get all my newborn bits out :-)
Section healed fine both times.
Very good idea to keep older one with CM a couple of days.
It will mean a rest for you, a break from the baby for her, and some consistency of routine.
I think I would get as much help as you feel you can ask for from your MIL once your husband goes back to work.
If you gradually build up to doing more and more yourself you will be fully weaned off needing her within a few weeks.
DD1 was really fine with DD2.
I did find that for a while we split into 2 families of 2 - DH + DD1 and me + DD2
It's kind of inevitable, but it can be lonely when your previous posse is off in the park having fun and you're stuck on the sofa feeding a baby that doesn't do anything
It's worth making an effort to get DH doing things for the new baby, even though it might be more trouble.
DD2 is an amazing sleeper. Always was. She was sleeping 5 hour stretches is hospital. She was born like that.
I thought that might be the case of splitting into 2. I am looking forward to bubs but don't want my lil boy to feel pushed out.
I'll keep the mil on duty then! All our family work so will rely heavily on her. But I remember having yummy dinners delivered by her every day last cs! I've friends having babies that will be off but don't want to burden them as they'll have babies too.
My consultant wasn't pushy about vbac but im leaning towards a section again after last experience.
If you don't mind me asking, how did you end up in sections both times?
First time EMCS after being induced because baby was not positioned well.
Second time I refused an induction and had an ELCS at 42+2
Make any changes like new bed or new room before baby comes. If a small child is feeling a bit unsettled that a new arrival has appeared, they may see changes as a negative thing. If you do that before baby arrives then you can make it fun and nothing at all to do with baby, just that he is becoming a big boy and that is exciting!
Sounds like you're in a very similar boat to me! Except I'm due in 6 weeks
We moved DS into a toddler bed just after Christmas and he now ends up in bed with us at some point during the night! Completely our own fault for being soft on him but it will be interesting when baby comes along
I'm seeing consultant on Thursday about vbac cos like you said, I can't imagine a healing c-section scar and a toddler being a particularly good match!
cebeebies are your best friends
try to get out at least for an hour a day to let toddler run off some steam. (at least after a couple of weeks when you are feeling a bit fitter)
relax, housework/cleaning is not really important, can wait for the weekend for dh/dp to do
My DC are 2 years and one week apart!
MAke all the changes you need as early as possible before the baby arrives...it gives time for the toddler to settle and not get stressed with everything happening at the same time!
As for the c-section, it's a very personal choice but if you can avoid it and go VBAC then do it! My first was ELCS, second I had another section booked but ended with a VBAC and it was wonderful, especially because it allowed me to pick, help and cuddle my toddler asap! But I'm sure if you get another c/section with time things will go smoothly.
Once back from hospital try your best to have some alone time with toddler, he will need it, just 1:1 time doing whatever he fancies the most!
Let him help, touch and participate with the new baby, it will help him feel part of things and avoid jealousy.
Don't be afraid to use all the help you can get, if people offer just go for it!!
You will probably have some more difficult days and you will scream, or feel like screaming with he toddler...keep in mind he is only a big baby himself, he's only two and a new baby will be a massive chance in his life...give him time and space to adjust to everything...
I'm sure you'll be just fine
My two sons are 22 months apart. My eldest is now 2 and 8 months, whilst my youngest is 10 months old.
I bought some new (secondhand) toys for DS1 and gave him something new every week or so for the first few weeks, so that he had new toys to amuse himself with whilst I nursed DS2...or changed his nappy for the 10th time...
I also bought a couple of presents for DS1 to open in the first few days so that he wouldn't feel left out with all the presents arriving for DS2.
It was really hard for the first 8 months or so, but DS2 is in a great routine now even though he doesn't sleep through the night yet. Both nap at the same time in the afternoon now, which is great.
My two are 23 months apart, but now 3&5 (boy & girl) and they get on really well and play well together. Dd loved helping with ds when he was a baby as she was nearly 2 and able to get my nappies or wipes from his change bag which she loved. You will forget how "easy" having a NB is - apart from the feeding, sleepless nights etc etc of course (altho you will be surprised how your body is much more prepared this time round!).
As others have said, big fuss of DS when back from hospital, toys are a agreat plan esp a present from new baby. And when you have visitors round, make sure if they are bearing gifts that they are for both not just NB! They can almost ignore NB til for 10-15 mins and then gradually make a fuss of NB once they've seen/played with DS! Make him feel special as some can find it a big upheaval to share attention.
Any help is good help! Esp once your DH finishes paternity leave. I didn't have c sections so can't help on that, but I found sorting my "routine" for feeding around DDs activities was tricky to sort out for the first few weeks and invariably it wasn't as smooth as planned, but just thinking about it in advance helped. Also for me, DH works long hours so not around in evening, and sorting feeding out for NB before bath time so I could just put him on the floor while I paid attention to DD was important. And then fed him again afterwards once she was in bed.
If you are Bfeeding it's reasonably easy to feed NB and read a story or something not too full hands on to eldest.
Make friends with a sling - life saver!
As others have said, definitely get out in fresh air with DS as much as you are able to so he can run around, you both get fresh air, and you see the outside world!
Good luck - it's a tricky first few weeks while you sort it all out, and then things slowly slot into place! Hope the CS goes well if that's what you end up having
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