Need to rant - nearly three year old DD doing my head in...

(36 Posts)

DH is having his lie in (we alternate) although I am about to call time on it soon as actually he is just pretending to be asleep to avoid the tantrumming downstairs She is bloody tired all the time because recently has gone through a week of not going off to sleep straightaway, wanting to come downstairs and being away until gone 8, however being up at 6-7am every morning. In fact she is tired all the time, it's all she every says, and is sleeping during the day most days too, so I think she is growing and most of this is down to that, but...

This morning we have had a bowl of muesli and yoghurt, asked for, moaned about then tipped all over the floor with a very proud 'Finished!'. We have had screaming over wearing socks, including kicking me in the face. I have got everything ready to go swimming and now she won't go as won't get dressed and says she is too tired. Gone up to her room as she wanted to go back to bed, hasn't slept but has peed all over her bed. Cue more washing for me and another change of clothes, more screaming and wrestling to get her into them - ashamed to say I was a bit rough but just needed to get her dressed.

Now happily playing with a bloody annoying singing leprechaun toy and a bead she found. It's a tiny football apparently. SO obviously love her again now.

But can I just say; GAAAAAAAAAAAH.

Terrible twos? pah, I laugh in your face. Not sure what to call this - Fucking awful threes?

brettgirl2 Tue 19-Mar-13 18:34:09

butterfly is right of course its not just about discipline. Being at the end of the threes I would also add:
- Deciding what is acceptable to you and what isnt
- Planning the path of least resistance
- Start to talk about their feelings.
- Praise where it is due.

Piper you dont sound ridiculous at all, we've all done it! Also just in terms of discipline its a balance because much under 3 they are too young and even at 3 it needs to be instantaneous.

A few confessions of mine (pathetic alert)
I helped my daughter put her shoes on till a couple of weeks ago and she's 4 next month (and I still do if I'm in a hurry blush). I let her choose her most recent shoes and before I bought them I made her demonstrate she could put them on grin tbh I couldnt be arsed with her kicking off when we went out. She had to ask me nicely though. I mean as long as they can do it by school it doesnt matter does it grin .

I love talking to her about how things make her feel (happy and sad the only 2 emotions a 3 year old has apparently). We had a breakthrough a couple of weeks ago, I asked her how giving her friend the present would make her feel and she said.... Happy! Previously it was all sad as she wouldnt have it any more!!!

I dont mind if she leaves the table, that she doesnt want to write, if she wears clashing clothes (the more random shades of pink in an outfit the better shock ), that she doesnt like her hairbrushed (just dont let it get too long as she will let mil cut it more shock.) So in lots of ways I'm really very soft.....

Also it would usually be quicker to put her clothes away for her, but she's good at it, so its something to praise her for wink

Startail Tue 19-Mar-13 18:47:15

She isn't tired she's three!

Three year olds are just learning to do things for themselves, they are just realising they can wrap mummy round their little finger.

If mum says "ah, your tired" that will be the perfect excuse for attention seeking grumpyness for the next six months.

Get the book, take control and find a bed time that doesn't cause fights (always 8pm for DD1, from 2-6, earlier she bounced up, later she was tired if bored. DD1 was never tired if there were visitors or anything it resting going on).

She'll get better as she gets to 3.5-4 and then be horrid again next time she learns some more skills.

DD2 felt 6 was a good age to be a monster.

PanpiperAtTheGatesOfYawn Tue 19-Mar-13 22:25:42

It's never easy, is it? I am SO glad I knew nothing before I had kids, otherwise i might have been put off.
And between all the feelings of failure and losing my beloved career and the lack of sex, I am deeply in love with both of them. That's why I worry so much about getting it right.

Oh gosh yes the terrible threes. I was actually going to start a thread about my 3 in may dd3 who is horrendous at the moment. Although she is my fourth child and my ds was a handful she seems to be on a different level to all of them.

So far today she has run off twice, smacked me in the face, mooned at me blush. Where the hell that's come from I don't know. Been rude and defiant, had a tantrum over the toothpaste, it wasn't stripy enough apparently. Turned my back and found her standing on the table. Poured water into the PC key board.

I am worried she is showing early symptoms of ADHD/asd like ds as she seems wild to me but its reassuring to read that it's quite normal behaviour. She is great in nursery and playgroup btw hmm

SecondHandNews Wed 20-Mar-13 14:31:15

Sounds very normal to me! My 3 year old has also discovered how to wind me up recently. Refusing to do things I ask her to do. Doing things I ask her not to do. Lots of other things too. It bloody well winds me up but I know it's her trying to exert her independence and test the boundaries - of course she is an angel at nursery etc. hmm She is also generally very well behaved so I find it hard when she acts up!

I wonder about the sleep thing: yes she is tired but might she need to drop her nap? Mine did at just after 3. It can become a vicious circle with them needing a nap because they are tired (and behaviour terrible) but as a result they then won't sleep until 8/9/10 and then are ridiculously tired the next day and behaviour gets even worse. How long does she sleep for? My friend's daughter was like this and she just dropped the nap - a few weeks of very tired daughter, especially late afternoon but she was fast asleep as soon as she was in bed. My daughter gets up at 7 ish and is in bed at 6:30. No nap. Could be worth considering. Or at least limiting nap to an hour max. Mine now might have a nap once a week, sometimes twice, but never more than an hour. Just to recharge her batteries - and you can see the behaviour gets better too.

I do feel your pain - it is so frustrating sometimes.

steben Wed 20-Mar-13 19:56:49

Marking place as going through same with my same age DD she is literally breaking me!!! You have brew and sympathy from me OP!

willowstar Thu 21-Mar-13 16:30:22

This is reassuring! Y little girl is 3.6 and has turned into such a monkey....I have no idea what I am doing when it comes to dealing with her tantrums but as I have a 1 yr old too I can't do much. Sure it will get better....

Hi all, I have the book and it seems good - we will see if DH will do it too though. DD has about an hour at most every day, although the days when she doesn't sleep she is horrendous, too scared to try dropping the nap!

She has an issue with constipation, so we have some Movicol from the docs now, to see if maybe she is uncomfortable too, which might be affecting her.

Good to know I am not alone though!

fluffacloud Thu 21-Mar-13 20:58:08

DD1 (3.3) has always been such a sweet natured, kind and loving girl - until about 6 weeks ago.

We call her a 'threenager', she's grumpy, tired, controlling, defiant and oh my God the whinging!

She even has tantrums in her sleep! hmm

Louise85 Sat 23-Mar-13 13:05:48

Missmakes did you read the book? Find it helpful at all?

So glad I came across this thread - Dd will be 3 in May, but really struggling - glad to know others are in the same boat and its not just me

2.5 - 3yo was a horrid time with my DD - you have my sympathy. It's really tough to know when to go in softly and when to put your foot down. DD is much better now, having turned three a couple of months ago - although she still has her moments. DH and I found that being more strict helped improve her behaviour - we had to put up with a few monumental tantrums until DD realised we would stick to our guns. She still has her sticky moments, but they are thankfully fewer and she is better company again.

The nap/tiredness thing is tricky - my DD still tends to need a nap more often than not, but will be awake later at night when she has one. I accept that naps are intermittent now, she hasn't quite outgrown them, but doesn't always need one. It's a watching brief!

Nursery school is helping too as they are hot on (gentle) discipline, respecting other children, tidying up toys etc. Although DD's only been going for a few weeks, I can already see the improvements.

Good luck....it's not an easy age at all (and I think my DD is probably not as bad as many others!)...

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