2.3 DS keeps pushing other kids :-(

[leaflless]

MY DS isn't aggressive but he puts his hand out and pushes other kids. It's a new thing. He also throws a lot, and anything he can lay his hands on. We do quiet step and we change the tone of our voices. We also say we're sad. What else can we do? He's not stopped pusshing all week. It really upsets me - he's such a sweetie otherwise :-(

[Passmethecrisps]

When you say he isn't aggressive do you mean that he thinks this is fun? How does he respond to the quiet step?

[celebmum]

maybe dont give it so much attention. hes just a toddler. ALL toddlers push each other about (i dont believe anyone who says otherwise!) he'll grow out of it soon enough and in a few days/weeks/months it'll be another toddler doing the pushing. i certainly dont mind if another toddler pushes my DS, as i know that he does the same. pick them up. teach them to say sorry. move on and dont worry so much about it..

[leaflless]

He isn't aggressive, as in he's quite gentle natured. he's just discovered pushing. He hates the quiet step, he cries, he says 'no pushing' but then he does it again!

[Passmethecrisps]

I can understand why you want it to stop - this and the throwing are dangerous.

As celeb says do you tell him to apologise? Does he actually understand why he mustn't do it?

[leaflless]

Yes, he does understand but i assume it's age which prevents him from not doing it again

[MrTumblesBavarianFanbase]

Loads of toddlers push, loads of toddlers throw, being alive is dangerous.

I wouldn't get overly worried about it, just move him away each time he does it.

My youngest throws and kicks (things, football style, not people or in an aggressive way) - he also climbs everything in sight. He is 22 months old, its what they do (well about 25% of them anyway). There is some Early Years theory about why some children become quite obsessed with throwing and kicking things, I have forgotten the technical term, but apparently toddlers tend to fall into categories for phases of their development, not all will go through every phase. The best way to deal with it is to give it a more acceptable outlet (take him outside or to a safe space and give him a ball) rather than just say no and punish with the quiet step (though do of course say "Not inside" or "we don#t throw cars" or whatever).

Move him away when he pushes and fuss the other child rather than reinforcing with the negative attention of the quiet/ naughty step.

I wouldn't get overly concerned about it being dangerous, it is just a totally normal phase - not every toddler does it but more do than don't!

[HappyJoyful]

DD is an identical age and I've noticed she's recently started pushing a bit and can throw anything and everything should she so choose. Like you say, I don't think the pushing is particularly aggressive but it is a sort of shove to get something from another child if she wanted what they were playing with.
I'm with celebmum and seem to think it's pretty common and I think as long as they are told it's wrong and they say sorry and then it's done and dusted.
I get the impression from your post that you're not into simply saying something like 'that's naughty / wrong' 'don't do it' 'say sorry' - I'm not advocating shouting but a simple short sentence. Changing tones of voice and quite steps and saying you're sad, seems far too drawn out a process and too much attention possibly.

[MrTumblesBavarianFanbase]

Teaching a child under 2 to apologise placates other parents who are feeling indignant, but I can't see how it really teaches the toddler not to do something - it just teaches them that after they do that thing they say sorry :)

[HappyJoyful]

Yes to what Tumbles says was thinking same and meant to say, encourage playing with balls outside or even soft ones inside if suitable.
And also maybe he's picking up that you are getting upset by it and just pushing boundaries - don't worry and maybe he'll not view it as a way to get attention

[MrTumblesBavarianFanbase]

Saying you're sad is kind of emotional blackmail too - its probably more appropriate to point out that hurts the other child than expect your child not to do something to another child out of concern for his parent's feelings

[IroningBoredDaily]

When ds was around that age he used to pull hair. It was horrendously embarrassing and difficult to handle. I felt I had to be close to him all the time and had to watch him like a hawk!! I would always tell him off and get had to apologise for the hair pulling.

Anyway, that phase didn't last too long. Ds is 6 now and a lovely, gentle boy. Try not to worry about it, I'm sure this will pass soon too.

[Viviennemary]

I don't think these very young children understand apologising. I've seen them apologising and then do the same thing a minute later. So it's mostly a waste of time. I do agree with a very stern voice saying no you must not do that. And then if they persist removal from the room. I'm a bit old fashioned though.

[IroningBoredDaily]

The 'telling off' would be a simple "No, don't do that - hurts. Please say sorry to ..." kind of thing.

[IroningBoredDaily]

• it hurts

[leaflless]

Lots of good responses, thanks.

I agree - the sorry is fairly meaningless, but it's really hard not to project that sort of stuff. I want him to say sorry for other people, I suppose.

I do believe in being stern and saying something's naughty - but the word naughty is as much of a label as anything else, and I don't want to keep using it.

I also do agree about 'sad face' being emotionally manipulative - my husband and I talk about this all the time - and unless it's a particularly bad push etc I don't - but it's also about showing him that his actions have effects. I also talk about him being nice to friends as they are his friends etc. But of course, I doubt he really understand what that means.

I know it's a phase, and there's no real way of handling it with such a young boy. Just trying to do damage limitation, I suppose

I should probably worry less about it!