Anyone else got twin boys?

[kizzie]

Mine are nearly five. They came out with a bang and they've never stopped since.
Would love to share tips/ mutual support/ screaming fits.
Kizziex

[GenT]

Hi, congrats, I am sure you have the time of your life.

I have twin brothers, not identical but strangers think they look alike. My mum used to that when one was sick the other feels the pain. Is that the same with yours? Would one experience the symptoms and another have the illness?

Even today, recently one brother banged his ankle and the other complained to his wife his ankle was hurting and he had no reason for it, then they contacted the other brother and learnt about his incident. Strange eh.

[throckenholt]

I have identical boys - 1 last week, plus a 2.5 year old - keeps us busy !

[kizzie]

Im not sure they 'feel' each others pain - more likely theyve caused it!
Mine are non identical - although they do look very similar. Having a real problem with discipline at the moment (or rather lack of it) but at least things are never quiet!
Throckenholt - thats the same gap as friend of mine - although her three are angels. Is your older child a girl or boy.
Kizziex

[Paula71]

My boys were two at the very end of December. They came early (my fault not theirs)catching me on the hop and I have been trying to catch up since!!!

Great exercise running in two directions at once. I have been watching Child Of Our Time with interest as the twins on there remind me of my two. I figured out that whole needing time alone, one-on-one a while back and they play happily together with the occasional bout of WW3. It is hard but I would do it all again, especially as I won't be so damn terrified of doing something wrong second time around.

Were you given an idea of what percentage chance it would be of having another set of twins if you got preggers again? Mine was set at over 95% which is why we are waiting until the boys are starting school before trying for another (two!) You might think it mad but as an only child I would love a big, not too big, family and four seems a perfect number! I am total dillusional though.

[throckenholt]

3 boys ! Just starting to figure that wrestlingis fun - usually started by the littlest.

Are you sure they are non-identical ? - I have been reading another group where they have quite often found that supposedly non-identical twins were actually identical - must have split very early to have different placentas. Unfortunately they had to pay £80 for a DNA test to be sure.

[kizzie]

definately non identical (so at least can save the £80!)

Had a very difficult few days. Problems at school settling in (only been full time for a couple of weeks) plus even more fighting etc at home.

I think they are probably just going through a period of adjustment (getting used to having different friends etc) so hoping things will get easier soon because finding it exhausting/upsetting at the moment.
DH and I are going to make a real effort to spend some time on our own with each one more often so that they dont constantly feel like they have to compete for our attention.
Had a great piece of advice from a mum of 3 boys once. She said 'just think of it as though you've got labradors - they need loads of exercise and at least one run in the park every day!'
Sorry to all mums of quiet boys - dont mean to stereotype - I just happen to have very (very) boyish boys.
Kizziex

[kizzie]

Paula-were yours via IVF (mine were) - is that why your chance of more twins is so high?

[Paula71]

No Kizzie mine were natural and a complete surprise, esp as they were non-identical (thats what they said at the hospital anyway, took them days to decide and they had to send the placenta to the specialist unit in Edinburgh to verify - yeeeuuucckkk!) You see I had an ectopic in Feb 1999 and I lost a tube as well as my baby. So I figured that was that and I wouldn't be able to have a bub.

Because of the ectopic I had to test for pregnancy for each late or missed period. And so it was the test turned blue and I got a scan at 8 weeks because of the ectopic. So I found out way early that they were there and in separate sacs! I called them little spacemen because on the scan it was what they looked like, floating about in there.

Anyway, because of my history they did tests and things and various Doctors came to see me in hospital who specialised in twins and they came up with that percentage just to scare me, taking into account the amount of twins in the family and who they were born to!!!! Seriously, I would love another two boys! Glutton for punishment did I hear you say?

That is my rather long-winded story anyway! What about you, was it successful first time, if you don't mind me asking? DH's aunt, who he lived with as a teen not speaking to his parents, had numerous attempts but all sadly failed, luckily she managed to adopt as she is a terrific mum, nature can just be a bummer sometimes!

[kizzie]

Hi Paula - 2nd attempt so very lucky!
They're going through a 'challenging' (ha) stage at the moment but still very loveable and funny.
Kizziex

[jac34]

I have identical boy twins, they are 5yo now.
They are such a handful, but so funny. While I'm typing they are walking around with most of their soft toys shoved down their PJ's, it's a compitition to see who can fit the most.
Would agree about the "run in the park" thing, they are much easier to handle when they are worn out!!
Also with the 1:1 time etc...DH and I find that if we have alot to get done quickly, we both take one each.They behave like angels while alone, and we have more chance to include them in what we are doing, they feel special if they are the only one there to "help".

[josiejump]

I also have twin boys who were 5 in November. They were IVF ( 4th attempt). Also have dd age 2 who was a frozen embryo from the same batch as the boys so technically I suppose they are triplets. I do recall reading the twins handbook when pregnant with dd, and it said something like parents of twin boys were far less likely to have any more children for the fear of having another set of twin boys! I have to say I think that is a bit unfair on boys, as in many ways my boys were easier than my girl ( far more passive ), but I can also see where they are coming from. It can be completely knackering, especially that power of 2 thing where they just don't seem to care what you say to them.

[kizzie]

Looking after both of them together is definately far more than twice the work. I find it such a doddle when Ive only got one of them with me. We're going to really try and spend individual time with them this year.
Congratulations Josiejump on your 3 IVF successes (and lovely to get 2 boys and a girl.)
I didnt have any embryos strong enough to freeze and have decided not to do a full cycle again so it's ust me and my boys - but I know how lucky I am to have them when for so many people IVF doesnt work.
Kizziex

[josiejump]

I'm glad the time apart thing is working well for you Kizzie. My boys have always resisted it, and even now I'll think I've persuaded one to come out with me or go out with dh, and just as we're leaving the other one comes crying to the door that he wants to come too! The funny thing is that at school they are quite independent of one another, and being in separate classes doesn't seem to have caused them any bother at all. Are your boys in different classes? We decided to go down that route partly because they had started to fight each other a lot, and thought that maybe they needed a break from each other- don't know if it's made a difference to the amount of fighting in all honesty.

[Paula71]

My HV has two girls born near enough a year apart. She told me as soon as the boys were born to ignore anyone who said it was just like looking after two (different aged) children. Advice I took on and I let comments about it pass me by!

They start nursery next January and although I want them in the same class, within the class I'd like them to be in separate groups. Despite the occassional fight, bite etc they are close and if one is out of the others sight, and we haven't explained where the missing one is, they get fractious. I think it is sweet they care for each other like that! Can you tell I was an only child

[kizzie]

Josie - My two really love each other but their fighting is really really terrible (how do you deal with it.)
I just dont know where it comes from because DH and I are both quite passive.
At the moment they are in the same class in reception but getting into all sorts of trouble so may have to separate.
We didnt have any problems at playgroup (in fact the complete opposite)- although part of the prob at school is that there are many more boys in the class then girls so the teacher has her hands full anyway and my two are the icing on the cake!
Kizziex

[josiejump]

I don't know that I'm especially consistent when dealing with the fighting really- sometimes I try to ignore it, sometimes I get cross, but if I know who the aggressor is, I take the 'victim' away for cuddles, sympathy and treats, and totally ignore the other one (which usually results in tears and apologies ). I just keep hoping that they'll grow out of it, and I guess it would be unnatural if they never, ever fought.
I did actually ask them the other day if they would like it if Mummy and Daddy hit one another, and they looked quite shocked. I'll have to make sure they don't catch sight of me giving him a slap

[Paula71]

That whole ignoring bad behaviour is, I feel anyway, really really difficult with twins. I just realised I was about to say something I hate other people saying "double the work."

But it is true! Kizzie and Josie your tips on dealing with your boys are being noted here, slightly older than mine so quite convenient for me

Sometimes I feel more like a lion-tamer than mummy. They do love each other and comfort each other when upset or hurt (and the other one isn't the cause of the hurt!) A couple of days ago my DIY disaster DH managed to elbow me in the eye as I was trying to "help" at a difficult part. He had the cheek to hold his elbow like I hurt it and ds twin2 ran up, tapped him on the knee and said "bad boy daddy!" I think I need to revise my disciplining!

[josiejump]

Was at a childs party today having a chat with 2 mums- one with twin boys, the other with 2 kids 17 months apart- basically conversation boiled down to the fact that if the kids want to be together why do we feel the need to try to separate them just because they are twins ( non twins mum said she doesn't ever feel pressured to do it and mostly doesn't). Paula, your boys sound very much like mine, pro-mummy. Just this morning, one said to me that he will always look after me and not Daddy because I get up with him in the morning whereas Daddy always gets a lie-in ( a real bone of contention in this house I can tell you!)

[Paula71]

Ha Josie, that is so sweet!

So do you think the whole separating them in class is unnecessary? I had been influenced by the twins on "Child of our Time" as I feel sometimes, the boys would like a little time without the other there. I am trying to have one-on-one, one with DH, one with me but they hate being out of sight of each other...

I just don't want them to end up feeling they were treated as one instead of individuals...oh it is so confusing!

[josiejump]

I think it depends very much on the dynamics between the two of them, although I have to say that a major consideration for me was that I didn't want teachers to be drawing comparisons between them and felt that was more or less inevitable if they stayed in the same class. Early days yet but it seems to be going OK.

[Paula71]

I think on that I would want them to be in the same class as, despite the battles, they are very considerate of each other and even give the odd hug! Still I have a year to go before all that!

I am an only child so perhaps over-enthuse about sibling closeness. I am glad to see they care about each other though.

[kizzie]

Hi Paula - just read you message on the 'little angels' thread and wondered about your positive, good behaviour techniques you've been using from early on.
(Do you have set 'house rules' - or do you just work on the positive discipline theory.)
My two have actually had a very good couple of weeks at school which is really encouraging. But still open to all / any suggestions.
(DH and I also had one each with us on sunday afternoon. One came shopping with me and the other stayed with daddy to 'help' with the decorating. Both had a great time.)
Kizziex

[Paula71]

Hi Kizzie, I would imagine you will get where I am coming from here...

Because they are still only 2 years old there are days I feel I would like nothing more than to shout at them. But I was shouted at all the time when I was little so made my mind up from the start to try my best not to be like that (although I do slip up sometimes I actually apologise saying things like "Mummy didn't mean to shout but when you do that..I know you can be a good boy."

Also I do ignore them when the tantrums hit (ds twin1 had a spectacular one today luckily in the house, not in public!) They are still too young for time out but I may use that, I wouldn't put them in a room and hold the door shut though!Instead of saying "don't do that" I ask them to do something else - ie if they are touching something I don't want them to I point out something else more interesting, cross fingers it works nearly all the time. If it doesn't I physically move them to another part of the room.

I make sure I say "I love you" separately to each of them at some point each day as I never heard that.

When they do something clever or something like tidy up without me asking they get praise and a round of applause (which the egotists they are they love.)

The only part I struggle with is when the fights start. Easy enough if I see who starts it but hard if I don't!

So I suppose I do have certain house rules but this is their home so I wouldn't want them to feel like it was all rules but they are now becoming aware of where the line is with me! Like I said in the post I got most of my info from "Child Of Our Time" as books only ever focused on one child.

I'll find out when they are older if I have done any good or not!

What do you use Kizzie?

[kizzie]

Hi Paula - sounds like you're doing a fantastic job!

I suppose the main theory I try to stick to is 'catch them doing something right'. So if they do something well, or are being very good or helpful I heap on the praise to encourage them to do more of the same.

My biggest difficulty is the fighting - I really find it hard to cope with. They are really strong now and apart from it being incredibly irritating Im really worried about them hurting each other.
They have a sticker system at school which seems to be working very well so Im thinking of introducing something similar at home.
Kizziex

[Paula71]

Kizzie, try this place

www.bbc.co.uk/parenting/kids/starchart.shtml

I hope this link works but I found this a while ago and fully intend on using it. I have saved the chart in my computer for future printing out!

Like I said before it is the fighting that gets me too! Once ds1 hit ds2 on the top of the head with the sharp end of their wooden railway track (the bit that fits in!) I could do nothing but confiscate the whole thing which meant ds2 missed out as he would have retaliated!