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PLEASE HELP serious behavioural issues - mumma at breaking point(32 Posts)
Hi mamas and papas (heres my novel please read although lengthy i need advice)
In this post i am desperate so i am being brutally honest, if you are a "PERFECT PARENT" probablly best not to read as it might offend or create judgement.
I am a mother of three i have a four year old a three year old and a 6 month old, naturally i am busy as a mother of three boys studying full time and being a wife.
However i feel a little more busy than some mums. i have recently started on zoloft 100mg and psychologist visits as i am extremely depressed. some of my symptoms include not being happy to wake up each day not looking forward to my mummy working day, being terrified for hubby to go to work as i dont want to have to deal with another day of my three year old kane.
It all started when he was around age one we noticed behavioural issues but kept writing them off as "fazes" "terrible twos" "middle child" we kept working on strategies and differet techniques to improve kanes behavious we have literally tried everything under the sun (i feel)
recently we have noticed normal changes "jealousy" when bubby nathanael came along etc but things just seem to get worse when one behaviour ends another starts and it has me at breaking point. I dont confide in family or friends because i wont hear anyone speak a bad word about kane (he is our beautil boy) how ever i need some answers, asking on here is "not so personal" i suppose.
some of the behaviours kane has that we are having great difficulty with are as follows.
-Wont wear clothes
-very fussy with foods, will try and will chew but will spit out anywhere.
-Pooing anywhere and everywhere and then smearing it if left alone, squishing into his toys etc, (just this morning he climbed onto the bench and poo'd and wee'd on there.
-obsessed with keys (this morning he got my handbag and keys and jumped in the car like he was ready to go)
-Tantrums and screaming fits as soon as he wakes (some lasting for up to an hour)
-If he wants something his mind is set on it.
-Climbing things - if i say he canot have something in the fridge he will kick punch climb the handles hang of the doors etc]
-Can be very intelligent in certain aspects eg. Can unlock car and start it, he know which keys are for which car.
-Can not transition well from say bath time to hoping out bath and getting dressed. or home now lets hop out of car, or okay we ae going out now lets hop in car. he hates leaving places yet he hates going places, he hated hi car seat so we changed it and got a bigger more comfortable one, and still he hates being in the car, he refuses to get in the car on a trip and kicks and screams bloody murder the whole way, then when we get home and get out he refuses when i finally get everyone inside and get him out he will spend another 45 minutes out side trying to open the handles kicking punching the car and throwing himself on the ground while raging.
-I find he loves to irritate mummy and daddy, he will do things hes not allowed to or he will hit or bite us, we tried the whole( any attention is god attention - what kane wants) so we tried stopping everything we were doing and giving him the attention he so desires this still didnt work.
-His emotions are extremeeeeeeeeee especially RAGE AND SENSITIVITY.
- He picks all the time old sores new sores or he will just make a sore.
- He will throw objects for NO reason phones glasses remote toys
-- Mood can change in secondds and can turn into AN EPISODE.
- Nothing we do will calm kane down, we cant hug or touch him, we have tried time out we have tried spanking and warnings we have tried positive reinforcement etc and nothing.
-He wakes up continuously during the night sometimes for hours. sometimes its as if hes stuck between asleep and being awake and will have fits like hes terrified of mama and papa and will run away from us and scream etc.
- wer have changed his diet to completely organic incase it was an additive he was reacting to, this did not change anything.
-He is repetitive like he wont learn from being told no or why he cant do somethign, despite having enough to eat he will continuously climb into pantry and fridge and freezer we could go back and forth 1000 times he is very head strong i often give up.
- i can clean his poo 3-4 times daily from anywhere and everywhere, he will NOt toilet train (toilet or potty) not even for daycare.
- He does not like to socialize or interact.
-Simply looking at him or saying no or talking to him can set him off into an "episode"
-He can be very cilingy but can also be very quiet and into what hes doing.
-he has a remote control car but wont drive it instead he will turn it upside down and just play with the wheels watching them go around and around.
-Hates doors being closed
-Doesnt learn simple things ie. we have a gravel driveway he constantly runs down and complains of sore feet but will not put shoes on.
Any help will be greatly appreciated.
Amaze are Victoria based so may not be near you but they may know similar organisations in your area.
Hi there, I have jotted the number down and will be calling them first thing tomorrow.
Yes he does give me eye contact not so much if im telling him something i dont like him doing etc.
He absolutely hates his hair being cut.
Yes he points for majority of what he wants.
He refuses nappies even though i buy them each week for him because he refuses to go potty or toilet and constantly poos and wees anywhere in the house.
He loves mince and yoghurt, he wont eat fruit or veges i have to find other ways of getting him to eat them.
Kanes definately not losing weight but hes not huge either, which interests me you bringing it up actually hes quite short for his age probally a good 30cm than his brother who is one year older and also does between 3-5 poos a day which look like a normal stool but the colour of them is very pale light brown almost cream... sorry i know its a bit gross but if you have any advice there too that would be great.
Kane has to have things routine and structured, literally the minute things rnt done on time his whole world falls apart, i love all these ideas as i havent heard of PECS so will look into it i guess i just get scared too taking on more new things to help kane because my time with ashton and nathanael is already very little and they suffer alot because i dedicate so much time to kane plus studying full time at nights and trying to be a happy wife ;)
Kane is definately not sensitive to temperature i cannot keep clothes on him absolutely nothing evn if its freezing hes naked. He doesnt know how to be quiet he is very very loud everything is done loudly and with force i also find he has the highest tolerance for pain example: he runs down our 200m gravel driveway full pelt time and time again or ran at full force into corner of dining table an egg appeared instantly and all he did was say ow and rub his head.
Kanes sleepin has me stumped when he wakes up sometimes he will just grizzle then go back to sleep or he will be up every hour on the hour and talk to himself (no idea what hes saying) or he will wake up in absolute fear we go in there very soft calm voices trying not to say to much we dont want to overwhelm him and he will literally be screaming like he is scared of mama and papa he will run all over the house away from us the pther night this went on for three hours its like he gets stuck in between waking up and being asleep (kind of like night terrors)
I don't want to preempt a diagnosis, but just to add that Kane seems to have sensory issues. What I mean is that his senses are over-or-under sensitive. He can't bear clothes, faecal smearing, & he seems to be sensory seeking. This is common but not exclusively seen with people on the autistic spectrum.
If I'd understood about the impact of sensory issues when my DS was diagnosed I'd have saved years of heartbreak! Only last year we attended an Occupational Therapist for a 6wk block of Sensory Integration. She gave is what's called a sensory diet, which is basically a list/schedule of activities to help my DS regulate his sensory issues. I'm not exaggerating when I say that it changed our lives! My DS did that faecal smearing which was distressing and disgusting!! After the sensory integration that all diminished & has almost disappeared . I also learned many techniques which are very helpful in calming him down.
Again, I don't want to pre-empt or assume that he will be diagnosed, but if that does happen, then I would definately recommend Sensory Integration. It's the only therapy that I can really say actually helped us!
Good luck again
Sensory Integration sounds fantastic i might even look into it first thing tomorrow diagnosis or not it cant hurt until we have paed app. ill keep you posted and let you know our diagnosis
Picto Selector can be handy for creating visual timetables. As Iatemyskinnyperson said, using photos can help for things like destinations.
Sounds like there are various sensory issues. See if you can get advice from Amaze or another organisation in Australia about what you need to tell the paed about, so that you are not dismissed as an overly concerned mother but that your child does need help.
It is good that he points. Hope the appointment with the paed goes well and that you start to get some help for Kane (and you).
Hope your appointment was helpful. IIRC it was today? Best of luck to you& your family
Hi Christie, you sound like you're doing an amazing job under very tough circumstances . One thing stood out to me and that was Kane's light coloured poo; has he ever been investigated for Coeliac Disease? (May be spelt Celiac in Australia). It might be worth googling this. Best of luck!
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