Mumsnet Talk

Is his asthma under control at the moment?

I would focus on sleep first, because it will have a beneficial effect on everything else, possibly including his asthma.

Is it you he wants, or can your DP settle him? I would give him some milk he can get at, we have a beaker that glows in the dark a little that our almost 2 year old has in his cot.
Really sympathise though, DS2 is erratic with his sleep. Some nights he stays in bed all night, others he is in with us a lot. It is knackering.

Oh Bea, I know exactly what you mean.
He's my only son, my last baby. He's a heartbreakingly amazing work of staggering genius. A total mummy's boy.

But I am cracking up with no sleep (and a pile of seemingly insurmountable issues) with him.

How do you make them stay the fuck in their own bed when they can get out??

I'd deal with the sleeping first. A lot can be done with a fully rested toddler, more than with a tired unreasonable one.

Then I'd do toilet training. Does he follow you to the toilet like most DC that age?

I'd do the food during all of the above. Don't force him to eat what he doesn't want, but put something new on his plate, just a small amount. If he doesn't eat it, no biggy, if he does, brilliant! I speak as a parent of a child with autism who at one stage ate just 4 items for over 6 months.

DS is a kid that seems only to do milestone stuff according to his timetable, but then totally nails it. Any attempt on my part to jump the gun or fall in with supposed timetables <HV I'm looking at you> leads to heartbreak and frustration.

Pottery training at 3. (You're fecking killing me with this one BTW)

Proper meal at 5. Just had to learn to let that one goooooooo. Very hard for a control freak with added "must eat 5 a day, from scratch" pressure.

Sleeping. Hmm. Well we have a deal. He must go to sleep in his own bed. If he wakes up DH (I love that man) goes to the spare room. But we value sleep in the ER house more than any other commodity, so we suck it up.

We had a baby gate on DD's door, so she could get out of bed, but she couldn't leave the room! Not really practical if your DD is sharing though.
DD was very accepting of her stair gate (prison) and cried when we took it down, she used to close it behind her when she played in her room.
Other than that, all you can do is keep returning him to his own bed every time he comes in to yours.

I wrote a long post about the medication then lost it.

4 hourly blue inhalers is a lot for a 2 yr old. If he is needing that much his asthma is not controlled. When ds2 had a cold, I was told to increase his brown inhaler to 3 times daily, in order to reduce the need to use the blue one.

If you haven't discussed the effect of his medication on his sleep with his consultant/asthma nurse I would think that should be the first thing to do.
Ds2 had to stop the ventolin (blue) inhaler completely as it made hm completely hyper. Once he got a different reliever he was much better.

Don't underestimate just how ill asthma can make a small child. They become chronically tired, but the drugs overstimulate. It makes everything so much harder for them.

How many bedrooms do you have dude? Where is big dd, little dd? Do you have a sofa bed?

After 20 (that's two-oh blind twenty) admissions in 2.3 years for breathing problems/pneumonia/post viral wheeze we finally got a diagnosis in January this year...
He has an appt to go back to the comsultant in April.
They want to reduce his steroids but not the montelukast.
He has been well <touches everything-> since christmas (although is full of snot and cold) he had 3 separate admissions and 3 courses of prednisalone in December prior to that.

We have 3 bedrooms, big dd, little dd and little ds (nominally only obv) and ours (with ds) contemplating putting little dd in with big for a week or so. But not sure how to sleep train a boy who can get out of bed/open stair gates.
We have sofa beds and camp beds.

It's a really good job he's cute.

My boy is also 2.6 and less near to potty training than yours. He screams if we even suggest a potty or toilet. So I have decided not to bother with it for now. He starts nursery in Sept and am pretty sure he will be out of nappies then. It is a developmental thing. Won't do it til they are ready.

Re your boy. Maybe just put him back in nappies for a bit?

I agree with other about the sleep being parmount. DS was supposed to sleep with his sis too but it became apparent that this wouldn't work. So we made our tinybtiny box room i to his bedroom, stuck a gate on it. Which sounds cruel but is necessary as room is at top of v tall stairs. We did pat shush when he was a baby which helped and now when he goes to sleep I have to sit with him til he goes off which is a pain but the gets there eventually. If he wakes in the night he can't get out but cries so me or DH go and lie on the floor next to his bed til he goes off. Not ideal but better than him being in with us. As suggested try rapid return or sit with him, put put DD in Your room til it is sorted.

Every sympathy. My DS is a beloved and babied mummy's boy too. And very exasperating.

Tsc, you have to sit on the landing with a book and a drink (for you/dp) and silently put him back to bed 50 times for several nights in a row. Have you not seen House Of Tiny Tearaways?

You have to warn the dds and apologise for broken nights and make it up to them somehow when things are sorted.

Also wouldn't worry about the food. He won't starve.

Def put him back in pull-ups and tell him he can have big boy pants if he can remember to sit down on the loo for all his wees and poos.

He 'don't like a pull up' it's nappies or his pants. Will not sit down for a shit though. At all. I am going to have to make him go in with dp aren't I?

So, the sleep thing we're doing at Easter. I put Clars in our room (or in her sisters?) and keep putting him back in his bed. All night. <steels self>

He is really beautiful and persuasive I might have to make dp do it...

Yes, put the girls in together and just be super-nice to them while you all endure the trauma.

You and dp take it in turns on sentry duty outside his room.

Dp will have to start having non-standing pees and leaving the bathroom door open and showing ds that all the really cool dudes pee sitting down.

Oh you poor things! Sometimes I feel really sad that my dc are getting so big and grown up and sometimes I am just plain grateful .

At that age we often found it easier to take DCs back to their bed, cuddle in with them until they fell asleep and then bugger off back to our bed. I think a rigid "back to your own bed darling" routine is the way forward.

And a really filling snack at bedtime, milk+banana+ peanut butter toast perhaps?

Nothing helpful to add other than to say your ds sounds like mine of similar age. So you're not doing anything wrong ( ok the poo thing is strange but at least he's 'toilet aware'!).

Sorry,your posts made me laugh a lot!

Sort sleep first. Be BRUTAL though. DD3 was exactly the same. Forget loo training for now, boys (ime) are generally later to grasp the whole concept. My three DDs were 23m, 18m and 20m. DS was 3, by the skin of his teeth.

Once sleep is sorted, the food issue may start to settle. Honestly, he ain't going to starve. Will he drink smoothies? Eat soup? That's how I got fruit and veg into my lot when they were pains in the fucking arse awkward with the healthy stuff.

Totally with you on the asthma, as you well know. At the moment DD3 is on 10 puffs, 6 times a day which we're just about to reduce. That's in addition to the clenil and montelukast. When she's having a shitty time her nights become terribly hard, but she is a little older than your DS, and more cooperative when threatened.

Oh - when I say "we", obvs I mean one or other of us on any given occasion, not both (which would be mad). I found an adult and a toddler sharing an IKEA single bed to be surprisingly noticeably less stressful than a toddler and two adults in our small double, and of course you can then run away when he's back to sleep.

I have no suggestions - my DC are too old now/I can't remember/didn't have the same issues - but just wanted to say, bloody hell, I wish I could give you a good night's sleep as a gift.

But but but frank, how utterly beautiful is he?
Imagine his sad, confused little face as the shit hits his joggers?
And as we out him in his bed, all alone, like an abandoned puppy (albeit a PITA enthusiastic puppy)
He's just so cute. Dp thinks he might be manipulative...! I think dp is going to have to go all Victorian dad on them...

He (and his sisters come to think of it) are all quite militant. Dd2 has previously said 'if it makes you feel better putting stars on a chart that's fine, I don't mind if I get one or not.'
and similarly (when we've imposed sanctions) 'I am not really sad you took that toy, I've got lots more I can learn to love'

At times it's like living with the oxford debating society...

Go to sleep TSC. You need it.

Best of luck.

Yes, he is indeed one of the most delicious creatures I have ever met, and it will be hard. But for your sanity and ours you have to take the hard nosed bitch stance but quit already with the loo business, tackle the sleep first, the other bits will follow. <bitter experience with DD3>

Your DC are militant? Well fuck me, I can't imagine where on earth that comes from

Get DP to do it. Promise him Bananarama's Greatest Hits. Or something. I understand he has a penchant for girl pop...

Heh. Going to bed now. Thanks all. Will update/ seek further advice no doubt.

I would say the sleep issue...however is he on oral steroids or do you mean steroid inhalers? I would say that the oral steroids can very badly affect sleep (eg predniselone) I would under normal circumstances say if you get the sleep sorted then eating can and should fall in to a routine - would have to eat in day or be very hungry.