How can I stop my 5 yr old ds speaking rudely to me?

(8 Posts)
Jemster Sat 02-Mar-13 18:11:08

My ds can change like the wind. At home just me, him and 11month dd he is calm, gentle and generally a nice little boy. When we are out he turns into a rude, disobedient child and pulls sulky faces like a teenager! He doesn't like me telling him what to do in front of others i.e my sister and her family. He points at me and speaks to me in quite an aggressive tone.

Does anyone have any suggestions to deal with this behaviour? I feel like he's getting the upper hand and that people must be shocked at the way he talks to me. I have been punishing him back at home but what's the best way when I'm out without causing a big scene?

JuliaScurr Sat 02-Mar-13 18:31:36

5P in a little purse every hour he is not rude, every hour he is nice and polite. Over a day he could make £1. This could get expensive! And siblings must have some way of not being left out
this worked with dd

YellowAndGreenAndRedAndBlue Sat 02-Mar-13 18:38:46

I wonder, if you don't punish til you get home, is this because you don't want to cause a scene? So he may have worked out you get embarrassed. You need to cause the scene so he knows he can't intimidate you.

As your younger one is currently too young to 'miss out', I would give one warning then immediately leave, go home, boring time for him as a result. Otherwise is he constantly rude til you get home?

Basically you are currently teaching him you will let him be rude when out so he knows he gets away with it.

Pancakeflipper Sat 02-Mar-13 18:41:46

Take him to one side and tell him off there and then. And tell him to not speak to you again unless he is being kind.

JuliesSistersCousinsAuntsCat Sat 02-Mar-13 18:46:02

Next time you're out and he is rude, just say in his ear slowly and firmly 'if you are rude to me one more time, I will take you home. No fun, no treats, nothing. Do I make myself clear?'.

I agree with YellowandGreen that he realises you won't make a scene in public so feels he can push boundaries more so than at home. (could also be a case of him 'showing off' iyswim?) If he doesn't expect it, you'll probably shock him in to behaving. Then have a talk about it when you get home just to reinforce the message.

mathanxiety Sat 02-Mar-13 18:52:54

Before you go out anywhere, have a positive-toned pep talk about expectations, how he is to speak and behave (not how he is not to speak or behave), and when he behaves well praise him once the outing is over. Shake hands, make a deal, do high fives, express confidence that he can remember his manners.

Leave immediately if it happens when you're out shopping even if it means abandoning a trolley full of groceries. Don't go out shopping at the last minute when you don't have the option of coming back later.

If it happens in someone else's house quietly take him to another room and remind him he needs to use his manners. Warn him that you will leave with him if he can't remember. Then cut your visit short if he gets rude again.

When you are out you and he need a sign he will understand for him to calm down and take a breather -- it would be your warning to him. Maybe a timeout sign? (Like this) Nothing verbal that would make him feel singled out or reprimanded in front of others.

Also try not to be too mad with him or worry too much about how others are seeing it. It may not look as bad as you think it does.

5 is a mouthy age and that needs to be nipped in the bud, but it can also be an age when children don't do change very well -- it can take a while for them to adapt to a different place or new company and many express their awkwardness by rude speech and behaviour. Try to assure him that since he knows how to use nice manners at home you are confident that he will be able to be mannerly away from home too.

Jemster Sat 02-Mar-13 20:04:41

Thank you all for such helpful advice. I think you're exactly right, he knows I won't cause a big fuss when out, I'm quite a quiet person. Next time I'm out and he does it I will use the warning and then leave, he'll be very surprised indeed!!
My sister said it's like he could be showing off so I think I need to take more drastic action.
I hate the thought that people may think he's a horrid spoilt brat when I know how lovely he can be. I am going to try these suggestions and toughen up on him.

mathanxiety Sat 02-Mar-13 20:15:04

Boys have a testosterone surge somewhere from age 4 to 6. Aggression is the result.

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