Dd cannot wipe bottom and regularly has poo in knickers

[Honesttodog]

What to do? and how can I stop myself from getting irritated with this? EVERY SINGLE TIME I tell her she has to go to the loo when she needs a poo, she has to ask for help with wiping.

Tonight, while I was settling ds, she:

wiped her ass with a towel. A proper big cream coloured towel that we'd just used in after bath.
Had poo on her hands
Had left a tiny bit of poo on the carpet in her room
had poo on her knickers
had poo on the pillow case - tiny bit, i guess she had seen her hands were dirty and thought it was fine to wipe them on any fabric handy
had poo on the mattress sheet - tiny bit, see above
left a pooey tissue on the floor of the loo

I cleaned her up, changed sheets, took away dirty clothes, picked up tissues etc.

I was furious and disgusted. I tried not to show it but she knew. It's just fucking gross! Why does she not see that this is totally inappropriate? This, from a child who doesn't like getting syrup on her fingers when she has pancakes!!!! Seriously!

Am planning to call doc to refer her to incontinence clinic or whatever it is called but I honestly do not know how to stop her beginning to poo in her knickers (she does this quite often) or how not to get irritated about it. I have told her it's disgusting and it makes me feel sick but she does not seem to try to stop or avoid it.

Which parent succeeds in smiling and saying never mind dear? Do you not feel utterly revolted having to deal iwth this sort of thing?

So fed up. Sorry for rant, am very tired and really wishing I did not have children tonight.

And no, I have no sodding partner to help me out with this, because he's never at home to help.

[SarahLundKicksAss]

How old is DD?

[ScabieFace]

Your poor dd and poor you!! I don't have any advice but that sounds shitty.

How old is she?

[ScabieFace]

Bugger sorry for the unintended pun

[Bonsoir]

I have advice but first tell us how old she is.

[Biscuitsneeded]

I just logged on here to post something a bit similar (although possibly worse, not sure...) Anyway, you have my sympathies. How old is your daughter? Am going to write out my issues now, so you'll be able to compare notes later. Sorry no magic solutions!

[Honesttodog]

4 yo

I could tell you some dark dark stories but I won't.

[Bonsoir]

At 4, if she cannot wipe her own bottom, you should do it for her. She should call you when she needs you to do it.

[orangeandlemons]

My dd was still pooing in her sleep at 4.. .

[Honesttodog]

She eats loads of fruit but I don't know how to reduce this safely as she is very skinny. So will start with reducing the amount of grapes she has. She eats them every single day.

She eats quite a bit of bread (binding?) as she has sandwiches as snacks - we are constantly trying to ensure she gets enough food to maintain her weight. not a major issue but snacks encouraged if necessary.

I just cannot believe that she thought that it was ok to wipe her fucking bum on a towel. Gross.

[Shakey1500]

Awww 4 is too young! Their arms aren't long enough to reach properly bless her. Please help her and not give her stress and a complex until she can do it herself.

DS is almost 6 and is just learning. Granted there was a blob on the sink today where he'd washed his hands but no, I don't find it revolting. Just another lesson to be learnt in time.

[StickEmWithThePointyEnd]

She's 4. She was a baby not so long ago. Stop being so horrible.

[Beamur]

I would tell her - even at 4, that this is not acceptable.
But 4 is still quite little do be doing this without assistance, or at least supervision. If I were you I would be supervising the wiping a bit more closely.
Do you use ordinary dry paper? I found DD was much more able to clean herself better using wet toilet wipes.
You also need to instill into her that she needs to wash her hands after the toilet better too.

[IceBergJam]

She's still very young.

[Gigondas]

I thought you were going to say she was 8.

Agree with Bonsoir- at 4 they are still needing supervision or help . Can you use star charts to encourage her?

Dd is also 4 and you do get the occasional dropped tissue or mark on pants so you have to reinforce good wiping habits by encouraging her.

And yes poo everywhere isn't very nice but she is only 4.

[SoSweetAndSoCold]

Have you taught her how you want her to do it? E.g. gone to loo with her, explained the anatomy of her bum area (maybe using a doll), showed her how much paper you want her to use each time, how many wipes, how to check it's totally clean at the end etc?

It may be that she doesn't understand the process.

Could you do this with her every time she goes for a poo for a week, with a reward chart for her cleaning successfully, to start with when you are there, and then as she progresses when she's alone?

Also, how about asking her to help the clean up of accidents in her bedroom etc (but in a very gently / gently way, so that she sees the consequences).

I suppose the problem with saying it's disgusting etc, is that maybe she is afraid to get her hand covered in poo when she's wiping, so is avoiding doing it properly.

I was probably still wiping one of my kids bums aged 4, but not the other. It's fairly young.

You have my sympathy.

[idiot55]

eek hope this doesnt sound too harsh but I think you are expecting too much of her and she is trying to please you by trying her best but not managing.

My 4 1/2 year old cant do it, I notice at nursery the list in the kids loo of kids needing bottoms wiped is endless.

maybe go back a step and do it for her for a bit and then try again teachingg her.
again hope I dont come across harshly

[ThePathanKhansAmnesiac]

Oh goodness, she's 4, she still so little, please calm down over this.
My dd is 5.5, i still wipe her bum at times.

Perhaps a star chart, something to positively enforce the times she gets it right.
Can your partner help out, it must be frustrating when you have a baby to care for as well.
But please, she's so young still.

[Surrealistrhinoceros]

Can't help with the wiping on towel but my 4yo DD has a similar problem with beginning to poo in pants. It's a very small amount yes? Just soiling?

DD has issues with constipation and if the soiling starts she can't help it - it is a sign that she needs more fruit/veg/fluids and sometimes extra help. She has a medication called Movicol which helps a lot. Once we have sorted the bout of constipation the soiling stops too.

Have you talked to your GP about the soiling? They could probably tell you whether something like Movicol would help. It's not necessarily diet related by the way - DD has a perfectly healthy diet and her brother who eats exactly the same has never had any issues.

It does drive you insane but DD is nearing 5 and much better than a year ago! Good luck.

[littlemefi]

I would agree that she's still young, my dd is 3 and a half and needs help.
Whilst I agree that it's upsetting if she wipes it everywhere, your tone and comments that you find it disgusting are unlikely to help resolve the situation, surely.
Maybe try the moist wipes? And reiterate the need to wipe, and wipe again until clean.

[breatheslowly]

Do you provide wet wipes as well as paper? I agree with Bonsoir that she may need help still.

[akaemmafrost]

Dd is six I still help her sometimes. We've had the bath mat and towel thing and getting it everywhere etc. So what? If they are still doing it at 12 then it's a problem.

[Surrealistrhinoceros]

Ps re diet and soiling, as I notice you say she eats loads of fruit, does she drink plenty? The clincher for DD is often getting enough fluid into her. Lots of water might help.

If she is constipated and you are struggling to get her to eat it can be a vicious cycle: DD is also a skinny thing and if she is constipated will refuse to eat, which doesn't help with sorting the constipation ...

[akaemmafrost]

Oh and no I never feel revolted. She's my LITTLE girl and I would never want her to sense I felt that way about her.

I also have a 10 year old who I have to help sometimes as he has SN. That doesn't bother me either.

[SoSweetAndSoCold]

Just read your post re the fruit. Fruit ALWAYS upsets my DCs tummies, especially grapes and oranges. Oh and fruit juice is terrible for this too. I try giving bananas / pears and limit grapes.

You do sound like you are letting it get on top of you which is probably in turn stressing your DD out about this whole issue. I am a single parent to 3 so totally understand how overwhelming it can be dealing with this stuff with minimal help, but maybe you need to take a step back, pick your battles, and continue 'babying' her for a while and just wipe for her, explaining what you are doing and why each time.

I used to go through huge battles with DC2 over getting dressed. I thought he should be able to do it with no help aged 4, he wanted me to do it, and this lead to huge rows and tantrums etc. Eventually I just realised I was achieving nothing, other than upsetting my son and me, so just did it for him. Everyone happier, he now sometimes dresses himself, sometimes doesn't. He will get there, so will your DD.