please help me locate a grip!

[CommanderShepard]

My rather splendid daughter is just over 9 months old and is generally a fine example of a baby. I've not worried about any of her milestones or development as she's been on track mostly.

But MIL has been on the phone and going on about DH's cousin's DD who was 8 months this week and apparently she can pull herself up on things and can walk if you hold her hands. And she's starting to crawl.

You know where this is going: my daughter does none of those things and I'm panicking. She just has no interest in anything like that and if a toy is
out of her reach she'll just choose another one.

I know it's ridiculous but I'm really bothered by it especially as there is massive pressure and competition on that side of the family as DH and I are "the clever ones" although MIL thinks I'm thick and I don't want that to affect DD. I just have no idea what is normal and whether I should be doing something to encourage mobility.

I need to get a grip. I know this. But I just want to cry. Said other baby has been a great sleeper, great eater and now this and I feel like I have to justify my own daughter's abilities or lack of.

Please, a virtual hug and gentle talking-to?

[nilbyname]

Oh gosh, what a stupid bint your MIL is. Your DD is doing fine, and it is NOT a competition. You know her best, you know she is doing fine. Children all do things at different times, nothing to get worried about and your MIL stirring it is ridiculous.

When she starts, just be lovely, "Oh wonderful, how lovely, really? Wow. Oh, sorry I have to go, we were just going over our french verb cards with DD and we are on a roll" or "Oh amazing, I am just going to turn the volume down on the tele for DD, she loves the tele, and haribos, loves them too, the more TV the better I say at this age, loads of sitting about with sweets."

[kritur]

Please don't worry, your daughter sounds perfectly fine to me. Babies do things at their own rate and especially with gross motor skills they mostly all get to the same point pretty quickly. Enjoy the peace of being able to leave her on her mat and her still being in the same place when you get back for a little while longer at least.

Ignore any pressure from anyone else, she's your daughter and it is no-one else's business what she is and is not doing. You and your hubby could be complete dunces and have a mini Einstein or vice versa... Please don't feel pressure for your daughter to be a "clever one" when she is only 9 months old. All babies are clever, they are all learning so much all the time!

So this is a gentle shove to just calm down...

[Svrider]

Hi
Just came onto this thread to tell you your dd is doing fine
None of my dc were trying to walk at anything like 8mo
They were 16/17 mo before they were walking. There rather good at it now tho (8,6 and 4yo)
Try to ignore competitive parenting (difficult I know, but this kind of one upmanship will suck the joy out of babyhood if your not careful)
Enjoy your baby girl

[Twinklestarstwinklestars]

My ds1 walked at 7 months old, ds2 wasn't even sitting up at 9 months! Every baby is different and yours sounds like they are doing fine.

[ZuleikaD]

Tell your MIL that gross motor skills are inherited and there's absolutely nothing to be done about it - ask her when your DH started to move.

Also I can tell you from the experience of two friends that a small baby who's mobile is a living nightmare - the longer it takes them to walk the better!

[Bumpsadaisie]

My two didnt crawl till 10 months, didn't pull up till about a year, didnt take first steps till 14 months and were not walking around confidently outside until getting on for 16 months.

They are the loveliest and definitely the cleverest children I know. (bias). So don't worry!

Your DHs cousin's child will probably not speak for ages while your DD is discoursing with the grown ups about the weather system. It all evens out. They can't be brilliant at every aspect of development!

[mummy2benji]

No no no no no! That is all I can say regarding your MIL! I'm a GP - developmental milestones are by no means set in stone and are more of a guide, in reality babies do things at very different paces and while a baby crawling or walking early might be something for the grandparents to coo about, it has no correlation with long-term development or intelligence whatsoever. By the time they start school, the age at which they learned to walk and talk is irrelevant. The only exception is if they are significantly delayed in learning to walk and talk, for medical reasons. My dh is an orthopaedic surgeon and he doesn't generally see children under the age of 2 years who aren't yet walking, as up until 2 it can be considered a bit behind but still 'normal'. Some little ones simply don't see the point, when they can get everywhere by rolling about or crawling. They all pick it up in the end.

Ds started to crawl at 9 months and started to walk at 13 months. But he didn't talk until he was 2, whereas lots of my friends' children were really quite chatty by that age. But when he started to talk, he knew all of his colours and came out with sentences. He was just waiting until he could hold a conversation before he bothered uttering any words! He was also still in nappies until he was 3, as he would rather play with his toys than be bothered by having to go to the potty.

I find the best thing to do when relatives / friends / complete strangers start bragging about little Jimmy's developmental achievements or comment on your own child's lack of, is to plaster on a beatific smile and let their comments wash over you. Then when they've left pour yourself a glass of wine. x

[mummy2benji]

By the way, I second zuleika - make the most of baby not being mobile and into everything and not having yet morphed into a dangerous-object-seeking-magnet. Once walking they are into all the cupboards, trying to remove the safety covers from plug sockets, pulling everything off the shelves they can reach. I once found ds halfway up the shelves in our living room, stuck! Enjoy a bit longer of sweet baby staying just where you put her before your house descends into chaos! And spare a (smug) thought for DH's cousin, who is going to spend her foreseeable future chasing after her child, trying to remove dangerous objects from its path. Of course, you have this to look forward to and it's lovely too - but it is quite exhausting and I wouldn't wish for it to start extra early!