Skip to main content
Skip to main navigation
Skip to talk navigation

Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Saved Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Flip

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

1 2

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

Behaviour/development

advice needed quick!!

34 replies

belleofball · 27/04/2006 13:55

Ds told me today that a girl in his class,(good friend of Ds)Mum divorced,now with another man and new baby.
said this....

* said the worst day of her life was when she sat next to her real dad in his car and he was screaming and swearing at her,she was frightened. He tried to kill her when she was in her mummies tummy. She said he hates her.He's got frieky red hair that goes all the way to his(pointed to his groin)(I know most girls prob see their dads without clothes on).

I dont know this mum V.well but don't know whether to mention it or not.Know she has been getting in a bit of trouble at school lately. help.

OP posts:

Report

SoupDragon · 27/04/2006 14:07

How old is she? Tricky if you don't know the mum very well.

belleofball · 27/04/2006 14:08

sorry they are 7

OP posts:

belleofball · 27/04/2006 14:15

I've spoken to her lots of times, but don't know how she will react. I don't want to come across like i'm intefering but i think i would like to know if my ds was talking like this.

OP posts:

vess · 27/04/2006 21:00

I would apologise for interfering first, and then tell her. I think she needs to know. And it's not like you were questioning her daughter anyway, you just heard something from your ds!

staceym11 · 27/04/2006 21:41

id do as said below, apologise if she thinks you're interfering but if she'd heard similar you would ant to be told and just tell or have written down what you're ds said to you. if she takes offence stay calm and just say you thought she ought to know and you wont be mentioning it again, its then up to her what she should do with this info!

kipper22 · 28/04/2006 10:09

If you feel you can't talk to the mum, maybe talk to the class teacher? she would have to treat it as a child protection issue and would probably be better equipped for talking to the mum about it.

belleofball · 28/04/2006 19:25

Thanks all.Sorry bit slow,busy busy!

Kipper22.- Hadn't thought about talking to the teacher.Good idea.

Stacey and vess- good idea to apologise first.

I was watching the children when they came out tonight,she did look a bit drawn and not her cheery self,i'm probably looking for things though,just worried that if i don't mention it,i'm letting her down and will really regret it if anything happens to her.Or she carries on getting in trouble because of things she can't talk about.

OP posts:

gigglinggoblin · 28/04/2006 19:35

my ds has said some awful things about me because his dad told him to say them. my gp actually contacted social services because he was worried about the effect his dad was having on him. xp is still very bitter about us splitting up even tho it was 5 years ago and he has 2 more kids with his gf, so new partner and child does not mean someone is ok with their x

i find it very odd that a dad who hates his dd so much continues to see her. i also think its strange that she was calling his hair freaky as i dont think he would describe himself like that. and why on earth would he say he tried to kill her if he wants to continue the relationship with her?

i would speak to the teacher, as something is obviously not right. but i dont think i would speak to the mum, as i doubt very much this is all down to the dad, it just doesnt make sense

belleofball · 28/04/2006 20:00

Goblin- thats one of the reasons i was wprried about talking to the mum,as don't know there full situation.
I think perhaps she was describing his hair. Also maybe she overheard her mum talking about when she was pregnant and him being violent?

Would a dad feel obliged to see his daughter even if he hated her? Maybe.
Children can get things mixed up when relaying convo's can't they.
But even if it's all kiddy talk /attention seeking it's still a worry that she has spoken like this.

OP posts:

gigglinggoblin · 28/04/2006 20:25

i do agree it is a worry, and i would want to know if my child was saying these things. if you tell the teacher or head they will most likely inform social services or call a meeting with both parents to discuss it so they both know what is going on. even if it is all made up the little girl clearly has some issues she needs to get sorted, and maybe both parents need to be more careful of what they say and do around her - my ds is 7 and i have to remind myself he is a proper child not a toddler anymore!

if you dont want to get involved, either tell the teacher that you want to remain anon or write a letter and explain you are the mother of another child who the girl plays with, give all the details you have and then leave it up to school.

belleofball · 28/04/2006 22:09

Thanks Goblin, I think i will have a word with the teacher,i don't think i can leave it just because i'm scared of interfering or what the mum thinks of me.

OP posts:

belleofball · 29/04/2006 15:48

Ds asked if she is seeing her this w.kend.
He must be thinking about her.

I am worried that i could make things worse if the teacher calls in the social.Should i just talk to the mum? aaahh don't know what to do.

Anyone else had experience of this sort of thing?

OP posts:

belleofball · 29/04/2006 15:49

It should read-Her Dad this w.kend

OP posts:

belleofball · 29/04/2006 16:14

BUMP,please

OP posts:

AngelaD · 29/04/2006 16:14

I called social services on my own cousin because I was worried about how her behaviour was affecting her daughter so really i wouldn't think twice about talking to the school, they probably are well aware something isn't right and these parents have some explaining to do. Nobody gets their child taken away for minor or even major things these days, but they do get a kick up the backside and that's often all thats needed.

belleofball · 29/04/2006 16:18

Did she know it was you AngelaD?

OP posts:

AngelaD · 29/04/2006 17:32

No I didn't tell and she didn't ask, the SS are very discrete

jamsam · 29/04/2006 17:35

in my opinion, as someone who has to look out for this professionally, i would talk to the teacher and then step back, allow the teacher to make a decision but be clear bout how far you are willing to go, if you dont want your name mentioned agin, state that to the teacher..i know its passing the buck but youcant do anything without causng a scene, its very hard but im sure it will be ok..XX

sparklemagic · 29/04/2006 17:54

belle, I think Jamsam and Kipper are right - talk to the teacher and pass on what your DS has passed on to you. It's not passing the buck, it's putting the information where it needs to be - as Kipper said the teacher would have to treat this as a child protection issue so it would have to go somewhere. Tell the teacher that you want to be anonymous - the school and social services have to honour this.

I think talking to her direct can not lead anywhere helpful for anyone involved!

sparklemagic · 29/04/2006 17:54

by her I mean the mum of course!

belleofball · 29/04/2006 19:09

Thanks all of you.
I've got to put the girl first havn't i?
I guess i'm worried that they will call in the social and get everyone upset and arguing and it could be nothing.

OP posts:

gigglinggoblin · 30/04/2006 21:02

belle, i had ss round several times because of evil mil telling lies about me. they came in, chatted a bit, saw it was rubbish and left. when they turned up worried about the referral from the gp they were excellent, they did not stop the kids seeing any of the adults in their lives, they just spoke to everyone involved, got the full story and tried to mediate between the grown ups. it was very helpful as they did get the message through to mil - she may still hate me but i think she is now too scared to carry on acting like she was. i dont care if thats the wrong reason for not doing the horrid things she was, the fact is she has improved a lot and i dont care what has caused it - neither do the kids, they are just finding things much easier

i think there is a lot of paranoia surrounding ss, they are there to help and i can honestly say all the social workers i have met have been lovely

i still would not speak to the mum tho, if the girl is picking up on things she is saying she could get in trouble for repeating them

Don’t want to miss threads like this?

Weekly

Sign up to our weekly round up and get all the best threads sent straight to your inbox!

Email address

Log in to update your newsletter preferences.

You've subscribed!

belleofball · 01/05/2006 09:11

Thankyou G.goblin.
Sounds like you've been through the mill!
MILs eh!
You have put my mind at rest,i will go to see the teacher.

Good luck with you and yours.

OP posts:

belleofball · 02/05/2006 19:53

typical! Got myself all ready to talk to the teacher and she wasn't in.
Ds said again in the car that she was talking about her dad,Said that she is scared of him..
Made me more determined to see the teacher.

OP posts:

cleaninglady · 02/05/2006 20:51

You should definately speak to teacher and i wouldnt leave it to long. To be honest I work in a Child Protection dept and although 9 times of our 10 there is nothing untoward going on its everyones responsibility to let someone in authority know if you have concerns and you obviously have. Teachers and Social services are very discreet and know how to handle these situations so dont worry about that side of things. Good Luck.

Flip

1 2

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.