I need help with my 6 yr old ds

[Ploom]

He is my dc3 - the other 2 have only given me the odd bits of trouble over the years but he is testing every patenting strategy we have.

We're not in the UK so he only started school last September just after his 6th birthday (still makes him one of the younger ones). He'd had a really rough last year at kindergarten - really impulsive behaviour, lashing out at other dc, not listening to the staff. I would dread the phone ringing as it would be the kindergarten to say something else had happened. But we worked with them - made reward charts for when he behaved well & stuck to them for months. Everyone thought it was because he was bored and would settle when he went to school.

And it did until after Christmas - the teacher was really pleased with him, she thinks he's really bright, her only criticism being that he would forget to put his hand up & shout out but I presumed that would get better.

But in these last few weeks he has turned back to behaving the way he did at kindergarten. He's had lines twice & today the teacher wrote me a huge note saying he had continually not listened & had hit another child. I am so disappointed in him. After he had the lines we spoke at length (dh & I seperately to him) and we made a new reward chart. I really thought he'd listened but obviously not.

Away from school, he is a loving affectionate boy who just has the normal sibling squabbles with his brother & sister. He is very fidgety & is sitting now doing his homework singing to himself & wiggling in his chair but he gets it done. I have often wondered if he had ADHD but it doesnt all fit together.

I just feel I dont know what to do/say to get him to behave better at school. He gets loads of time & attention from me (i'm a SAHM), dh always spends time with him in the evenings, he eats well & is asleep by 8pm each night (even earlier sometimes). I wonder whether I should sit down with the teacher after half term maybe with ds2 & see if we can make a plan together? Will stick with the reward chart but would be grateful for any other ideas or advice.

[lorisparkle]

I think you are right. a meeting with the class teacher sounds a good idea. I wouldn't take DS though. I would try and look at what skills he is struggling with and then decide upon a plan of how to teach these skills together. 'lines' seem an unusual punishment but it maybe school policy. I would find out how they are rewarding positive behaviour.

my ds1 was struggling with getting involved in other people's games appropriately so the school organised for an assistant to play games with him and a few friends to teach this skill. it really helped.

[Ploom]

Thanks for replying. I agree lines are a strange punishment for a 6 year old but in Germany the school system is a bit like 1950's Britain at times so nothing surprises me.
Dh agrees with you that we should speak to the teacher without ds2. He's written a note in reply to ds2's teacher just to say that we're supporting her & explaining how we're trying to reward positive behaviour. Agree they need to praise positive behaviour at school but not sure whether they do.

Have been really upset by this today - think I just hoped he'd left all this crap behind him when he left kindergarten but think I was a bit too optimistic. Makes me feel like such a shit mother when I really need to realise I do an ok job with the other 2 - dc3 is just making me work a bit harder!