Help, DS scratched another child & parent very upset!

(52 Posts)
Franksmummy Wed 06-Feb-13 20:41:35

Sorry already posted this but no-one's replied so though I'd try again with a different title so this morning my childminder informed me 17 month old DS scratched another child the day before. To be honest I wasn't that surprised as he does scratch occasionally however it's never malicious only when he gets over excited and he is usually very sweet and caring. My childminder said exactly the same thing said it was just one of those things, I obviously apologised profusely and thought that was that.
However when I picked DS up she told me the mother was extremely upset about it and also seemed to suggest a) DS was violent & b) the childminder wasn't watching them properly. I almost burst in to tears, although I don't think either of these things are true.
I feel very upset about it, I feel as though the other child's mother is suggesting I'm a bad parent and she's better than me because her child would never do that. I don't think I would ever be upset/angry if another child hurt my son as I understand young children do these things.
Now I'm not sure how to handle the situation I'm worried about seeing the parent in case I fall apart, and I feel bad that the childminder's been blamed for my sons behaviour. It goes without saying I tell him off when he scratches and get him to apologise. I'm thinking of sending a card to the child from my son saying something like 'I'm sorry for scratching you and my mummy promises to keep a better eye on my nails!' just to ease any tensions.
Any other ideas? I think I'm probably being far too oversensitive about the whole situation but I think it really hit a nerve I think I'm also looking for a bit of reassurance :s.
Thanks for your help.

atacareercrossroads Wed 06-Feb-13 20:47:45

Is just say "I'm really sorry about what happened, he just gets a bit overexcited' and leave it at that. Her issue if shes the oversensitive one. It happens, at 17 months its not deliberate and if she takes it as so then she's a Twat and should just be ignored.

Tincletoes Wed 06-Feb-13 20:47:48

The other parent is nuts

Your child is 17m and I suspect not displaying Freddie Kruger tendencies just yet. More likely just playing?

Cut his nails, and smile sweetly at nutty mum - let me guess, is her child a pfb? Her time will come when her little darling is also "violent"! Absolutely no need to write a letter!

atacareercrossroads Wed 06-Feb-13 20:49:18

Don't send the card. Too twee (soz had a beer and cba to type a more reasoned errr ...reason!

Bundlejoycosysweet Wed 06-Feb-13 20:52:01

Seriously don't worry about it, he is only 17mo it would not have been malicious. All kids do it and this other parent is being over the top.

I think your card idea is really sweet but only concern is if other incidents occur (and they are toddlers so let's face it they will) then will you be setting a bit of an awkward precedent.

I totally understand how you feel but I think the best course of action is just carry on as normal and it'll soon be forgotten.

YellowAndGreenAndRedAndBlue Wed 06-Feb-13 20:52:04

Don't send a card, it's too much. You've nothing to be so sorry for, totally normal in 17mo.

Pagwatch Wed 06-Feb-13 20:52:21

Please don't send the card.
And bear in mind that you are hearing what the other parent said second hand.

Small children scratch and even bite. It's one of those things and they learn not to do it.
You feel embaressed but don't make a big deal out of it. Leave it be.

usualsuspect Wed 06-Feb-13 20:52:38

Your child is a baby,the other mum sounds a bit bonkers.Don't worry about it.I wouldn't send a card or do anything TBH.

Fgs he's 17 months old the other parent is nuts!

A firm no to the child and an apology to the parent is all you can and should do!

These things happen. If he was a 2-3 year old running round hurting kids then that's a different story but a 17m old won't have a clue what he's doing!!

Don't fret your ds will learn in time it's not really worth worrying about! sad

ceeveebee Wed 06-Feb-13 20:55:54

Jeez the other mum is mad!
My DTs scratch themselves, each other and me all the time. They're not being malicious, usually just trying to show affection I think

duchesse Wed 06-Feb-13 21:00:40

Good grief, he's a baby! Don't worry about it, let the childminder smooth any ruffled feathers. Other mother sounds rather crazy over-protective.

And keep his nails short from now on! smile

FannyFifer Wed 06-Feb-13 21:02:25

Think you are both a bit mad, children scratch, no big deal.
Up to childminder to deal with it.

Greensleeves Wed 06-Feb-13 21:02:52

You sound like a real sweetie OP! Stop worrying about this, your baby was just being a baby and the other mother has got her knickers in a twist. Let the childminder deal with the silly mare grin

Coconutty Wed 06-Feb-13 21:06:07

Do not send a card, it would be way over the top. If the childminder isn't concerned about it, don't you be either. Some kids bite, some pull hair, your scratched. No big deal. When my ds was at nursery he was bitten hard on the face, I wasn't happy but didn't think it was because the other kid had bad parents.

LingDiLong Wed 06-Feb-13 21:14:05

Totally agree with the others - this is no big deal, please don't send a card! Can I also say as a childminder that reporting back to you how the other parent reacted isn't very professional. What possible purpose could it serve for you to know she's that upset? It's for the childminder to deal with her reaction not you. I have two 18 month olds on my books at the moment and they can both be rough at times; a few weeks back one of them was biting. Now that's stopped and the other has started hitting and pushing! They are lovely children, supervised by me at all times but they are babies still, unable to control their emotions and with a lot to learn about interacting with others.

You are lovely but don't send the card. Other mother is being very precious, just remember to smile graciously when her little darling does something even worse..

Franksmummy Wed 06-Feb-13 21:58:11

Thanks for your advise everyone, now I've calmed down I can see a card would be too much it's probably best just to leave it as it's her issue not mine I just had a long day & my emotions got the best of me. It was just a bit of shock hearing that!

Beamur Wed 06-Feb-13 22:02:07

All the above advice is spot on.
My DD got bitten a couple of times at nursery by one little girl in particular - she didn't mean to hurt other children, she was just very little, very mobile and a bit bitey - didn't occur to me to be annoyed with her mother, it's just one of those things, the staff knew this could be a problem and were very good about keeping an eye on it, but it only takes a second.

Flisspaps Wed 06-Feb-13 22:10:33

As a CM, I wouldn't have mentioned to you about the other parent. It was an accident.

Franksmummy Wed 06-Feb-13 22:10:49

LingDiLong I agree it was unprofessional which is part of the reason I was so upset, she's fantastic and usually very professional, I presumed for her to say something the other parent must have had strong words with her saying that it was a lapse in judgement on her part thanks for the reassurance smile

HecateWhoopass Wed 06-Feb-13 22:15:11

She's going to have to get over it. Children that age scratch. And bite. grin

Of course it's easy to go all peculiar when it's your child on the receiving end, but hers will be scratching, slapping, hair pulling or sinking their teeth into some other kid at some point. if she thinks her toddler would never do it she's fooling herself.

Her kid's probably already done it grin

Keep your child's nails nice and short and carry on pushing the be gentle message and don't worry. They grow out of it.

Biltongmuncher Wed 06-Feb-13 22:22:07

Thanks for posting this op. I had a similar situation on the weekend with my 20 month old getting excited and bumping a child in the face, not done in anger at all. And the mother went mad at my son calling him a "horrible little boy" even after i had apologized. I was very upset about it too, nice to hear some voices of reason on here.

I understand you feel bad, I would feel the same even if of course these things happen at this age.

But the other parnt is totally nuts.

morethanpotatoprints Wed 06-Feb-13 22:36:37

OP

This is totally normal behaviour for 17 month old. The other woman is being a tad bit sensitive. Please don't send a card as then you are accepting blame and there is none to accept.
You are a good mum and don't let this get you down, Lord help the other parent when her precious dc start school. My dd at 9 has still got a scar where a boy took a chunk out of her nose at 5.

PearlyWhites Wed 06-Feb-13 22:41:59

Your ds is just a baby the other mum
sounds mental and very precious!

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