Is this normal for 2.9yo?(20 Posts)
Interesting points MrsMarcus and LeBFG - maybe we'll just wait and see how things pan out or wait until the parents raise concerns themselves. We're just concerned, really don't want to 'interfere'...all this comes from a good place/wanting to help but I can see that might not be the right thing to do.
So what if he is being babied? It's not great for emotional development I suppose but no harm done. Rubbish about spoonfeeding leading to poor speach development. In France, the little ones nap at school for several years! Adults still take their seistas (hour or more in summer). My neighbour's son was drinking milk from a bottle at 6yo! I agree with MrsMarcus.
A friend of mine has a DD, 3 years old, no special needs, perfectly normal, active child. Mum spoonfeeds to get enough food in her and forces the child to have two naps during the day as shes tired. The child still has a bottle during the day, at bedtime and in the middle of the night if she wakes up (which she normally does, sometimes several times and each time she gets a bottle, maybe thats why shes tired during the day and isnt hungry enough to eat as much as her mum would like her to
My conclusion: no issues with the child but a slightly nervous/unconfident mum. No harm done to the child so I dont comment.
To me the tantrums, obsessions, not playing with other children, unclear speech etc sound completely normal for a 2.9 old.
Well it's reassuring to hear it might be more 'normal' than we're thinking. But I would like to stress we have lots of facts....I'm not going to go into the whole situation because it wouldn't be fair....but please be reassured I am not a meddler. In most cases I'm in the each to their own/not my business camp but this 'situation' has been apparent for a while and seems to be getting worse.
My previous post explains it's not me who will be saying anything. I simply wanted opinions on what is the norm for this age group.
None of it really out of the norm. DD was similar at that age - often spoonfed, had bottles, HAD to have everything in a certain order (still does!) - and was not remotely interested in other children, but her language has always be advanced. 2 naps sounds like heaven and if he's sleeping and needs it, why would that be a problem? I can understand you intervening if there was neglect or abuse, but this just sounds like meddling. If its a close relative have a chat and find out more - but don't go judging before you've got some facts.
Thanks for your post BigGiant - I am sure they aren't already being addressed. Fwiw my DH will 'have a word' if that's what we decide to do. His family are very close, very open and difficult subjects have been raised before.
When something difficult/sensitive is raised they talk it out....it's one thing i really admire about his family. They may not agree...they may
nicely tell us to piss off & mind our own but I'm 100% that won't affect our relationship with them.
Any you're right....i definitely do not want to be that SIL (which is why DH will handle it as it's his family)
I completely understand your concerns and motives for wanting to say something, really I do, but I also think you have to be so very careful raising a subject like this. However gentle you are in your approach it's an incredibly sensitive issue and any parent would highly likely feel they are being judged which, considering this is a close family member, could lead to all sorts of problems.
Are you sure the boy's parents aren't already concerned or discussing these things with their hv or gp?
I'm not saying you shouldn't, I'm just saying it needs to be thought through very very carefully.
(The last thing you want is to see a thread on here bitching about the SIL who's questioning the OP's parenting )
I would never usually say anything at all but when it's a case of a) saying nothing and b) seeing a small child slip further & further behind with nothing being done then I'm willing to stick my neck out a little bit. Hope that makes sense.
I (my DH) wouldn't put it like that at all. Would never say why we thought these things were happening....I'm not a doctor or hv or psychologist so would never offer my amateur theories.
I think we would possibly start a conversation by asking an open question like when do you think dc may go to one nap or something and then go from their response.
What would you say though?? you would have to be quite careful how you put it as this could come across really badly especially if you say you think he's been babied and not interacted with!! How are they when they are with him, do they seem like they dont interact? do they go to childrens centres or anything as those are the type of place that could pick it up if there are issues more with the parenting cos i think they are not allowed to tell you if they think a child has sn? or hasnt the childminder raised any concerns
He does sound 'behind' the average & a lot of the things mentioned are similar as my 3 yr old who does have sn (all except the spoon feeding) - but if some relative came up to me and said oh maybe hes like that cos you dont interact with him enough and baby him, then would feel like telling them to f off.. you really do need to be careful how anything is raised. are you sure they arent dealing with or aware of any of these issues themselves without making it known to the whole family??
I feel i need to raise it as I'm concerned for the child and think some help or early intervention would be beneficial.
I don't want to say what my relationship is as I don't want to out myself but I will say that it is a close relation of my DH. In fact he would be the one to raise it. As we don't have any dc that age we didn't know how concerning this stuff is...but we do think it is of concern hence me asking the question.
DD is 2.9 and the only thing she has in common with that list is the meltdowns
What is your relationship to the child/mother? Why do you need to raise it?
x-post - yes he is a younger sibling
The naps are about 1 hour each.
The bottles he has are through the day, not just at night time.
He often 'ignores' adults too and just plays by himself. He has a sister and goes to a childminder where there are at least 2 other children.
The eating thing...I mentioned my DD didn't like being spoonfed so much anymore (she's 12mo) and was told 'oh so & so's still spoonfed' and i clearly reacted as was then told 'oh i mean it's just for speed because he can't eat fast enough otherwise'.
There have been no sn issues diagnosed but i do wonder if there may some that aren't being raised iyswim. My other worry is that they're aren't sn issues but this child is being, for want of a better word, 'baby-ed' and not interacted with enough.
From your replies this behaviour does seem 'out of step' with what's normal so I will try and raise it delicately.
- left out the language one! I know a few about this age who speak but language is pretty unclear. Does sound a bit behind though. Does he have other means of communicating? When DS1 was about 18months and could hardly say 3 words, he did a lot of pointing and taking us to things. His vocab has ramped since then though. Is he a younger sibling?
- how long are the naps and how much sleep does he get at night? We consider our 2.6yo to be a good sleeper and he gets about 12 hours at night plus 1.5 hour nap.
- We only just managed to get rid of ours a couple months ago at night time which was bit of a sore point... the teet broke and it made a mess and so secretly celebrating we were, like, "oh no! can't use it any more!" and replaced with sippy cup of milk before bed You should really try and get rid of it.
- does he prefer adult company? How much chance does he get to be around other kids?
- does he prefer to eat with his fingers? Can he actually do it, or is it just that he prefers to be fed? If he can do it, can you just refuse to feed him and make him do it himself?!
- I think this is pretty normal for a two-year-old... a little OCD... we solved haircuts by putting him in front of a big mirror so he could see what was going on, offering reward and making a thing of sweeping up all the hair! He is also scared of randoms new things, but mostly gets over them once been they become more familiar.
I have a similar issue with my SIL and my nephew. Especially the spoon fed thing... I find that highly unusual and a bit sad to be honest.
Iggly is right though, communication problems will lead to complete meltdowns. Poor wee thing.
Hope you can get it sorted.
Most of that seems unusual.
If he's being spoon fed smooth food that could explain his poor language.
Poor language will explain his meltdown if he cannot communicate.
Are you sure there's no SN issues?
If not why are you not raising concerns with ss?
2 naps is unusual at that age.
Milk from a bottle - depends how often, a bottle before bedtime isn't unheard of, what about drinking water or squash?
Language sounds a bit behind
Not playing with others not unusual
Spoon feeding - unusual
Meltdowns - not unusual
I don't want to divulge the relationship so as not to out myself but would you consider this 'normal' for a 2.9yo? Basically I am wondering whether to say something or not. Normally I'd keep my beak out and I'd be glad to hear I'm worrying about nothing. If I'd seen one or even a couple of these behaviours I wouldn't really think too much of it but all together it does concern me.
- still has 2 naps a day (most days)
- has milk from a bottle
- poor language. only just putting words together and words said are very hard to understand/not clear
- doesn't play with other children very much or even alongside other children
- is still spoonfed quite a lot
- has 'meltdowns' (not sure if this is the right term) if any of his toy cars are misplace (and there are a lot of them!), in the bath, if someone tries to cut his hair and recently because he had to walk past a big frog (he'd never seen a real one before)
Any comments would be much appreciated.
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