Hugs during tantrums?

(28 Posts)
slowlycatchymonkey Fri 25-Jan-13 22:17:15

My dd is 5 and is generally completely lovely. Like all kids though she has her moments and tiredness is usually the thing that will tip her over into tantrum mode. She used to have pretty awful tantrums during the usual 2-4 age group, but is loads better these days. The thing that gets me though, is that when I'm cross with her and she knows it ( ie, she is on the step) she will be shouting for a hug, begging and pleading that she just wants a cuddle. It breaks my heart and makes me feel awful for punishing her, but I don't give in until the behaviour has been dealt with. She had a paddy tonight and so I put her on the step and then eventually to bed, because she refused to go to the step so had to be 'manhandled' there and then proceeded to shout and roar at me from the step. When we finally got to talking about why I was initially cross with her, she couldnt remember (genuinely) and just kept asking to be cuddled.

What do I do here? She never seems to remember why she has been told off or sent to the step/bedroom, which makes me feel terrible that she is so upset - and yet doesn't know why and doesn't understand why I won't cuddle her until we talk about her behaviour:/

Does anyone else's kids do this? Is she trying to distract me from the matter in hand or at 5yo does she really not get it?

slowlycatchymonkey Sun 27-Jan-13 21:13:05

Great advice, thanks so much. DD and I had a chat yesterday about the hugs and she seemed to understand that I wasn't doing it to punish her. That said though, I definitely agree I've been doing it the wrong way and have appreciated the great advice- thank you all again.

Goldmandra Sun 27-Jan-13 22:47:21

Good luck slowly.

I'm sure you'll sort it soon smile

gourd Mon 28-Jan-13 12:30:30

We cuddle ours mid-tantrum (but she's only two years old) then carry on as before. She gets updet and wants a cuddle so we give her the cuddle straight away, but we dont give in to her demands or allow her to continue doing the activity we dont want (i.e. throwing things etc). We just give her the cuddle then carry on as before. We always give cuddles aftewards too, even if she was being "naughty" and deliberately dong something like throwing toys or putting dirty boots up the wall etc. I dont think that cuddling the child, especially when a cuddle has been requested, undermines your previous message about not throwing/kicking or whatever, as long as you dont then allow them to carry on doing it or return to the "naughty" activity once the cuddle is over.

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