Shy girl

[Blossom8]

Need advice on my only 3 year old child who is shy. She is very selective about her friends, quiet and does not like being the centre of attention. If an adult asks her questions she does not answer unless she knows the adult very well. She hates loud crowds and will not play with unfamiliar children.

We have enrolled her for gymnastic and dance classes hoping these will boost her confidence. However, the last time she attended she cried and refused to participae as her close friend who is confident danced with another of her friends.

She starts Reception this September and I'm worried how she will fit in and whether she will have difficulty forming new friendships. Have other parents have children that are similar and how did you deal with it? She is very close to me and is a happy and bright child but lacking confidence.

Any advice appreciated. Thanks

[HellesBelles396]

Children are very territorial so it is understandable that she will only interact with adults she is familiar with and get upset if her good friend is having fun with someone other than her.

Have you been in touch with the school? If you phone to explain how your daughter feels, most schools will arrange a series of short visits so that, when she starts reception, she is familiar with the school and the staff. Does the school have a nursery she could attend during the summer term?

It's fantastic that you are giving her opportunities to move past her reticence but, I'm assuming, not forcing her to take part?

[Blossom8]

We don't know yet which school she will be attending, I think they tell us in April but will take your advice and contact them. Thanks

She is currently at nursery, have been since she was 11 months 3 days a week but nevertheless, she is known to be quiet and shy.

I don't know what to do with her classes, I've just signed her up for a year's membership, she enjoyed doing the classes initially then the last 2 visits, she did was not happy. I weren't sure whether to persist with it or stop it altogether. Just concerned if I stopped her classes, it will not help her develop her confidence.

I guess all kids different and I see most of her friends interacting with other children and adults so I'm trying to do what I can to boost her confidence. Have organised weekly playdates, classes etc .....

[Rotkehlchen]

I wouldn't worry too much. Lots of children in reception are shy and the teachers will be used to settling them all in and giving them the time to feel secure. It sounds like you are doing the right thing arranging playdates etc. to help her develop her social skills.

My DCs were all painfully shy and it broke my heart watching them at this age - they just seemed so lacking in confidence compared to their friends. Yet all of them settled into school and have made friends no problems. In reception the quieter children are often the more popular ones as they don't cause arguments and are happy to go along with their more bossy outgoing classmates!

Why not give the classes a miss for a week? Your dd might even ask to go back of her own accord if you don't make an issue of it.