Dd2 displays aggressive behaviour out of the blue for what seems to be no reason whatsoever. This has been going on for almost a year and she's now 27 months. It started when playing with her brother who is 7yrs with biting him and drawing blood through his clothes. I'd remove her, tell her no firmly and then give ds big cuddles and attention. After going to see more than 1 Hv I was encouraged to continue with this with no improvement. Dd then began slapping, scratching , hair pulling and sometimes biting other kids in mother and toddler groups. She sometimes targets a particular child and plays brilliantly with others. The other child doesn't have to be close by. She will walk up to so and push them over. She'll sit next to so at a table to have a snack and will then pinch them on the cheek for no reason. Hv continued to suggest ignoring her and lavishing attention on the injured party but other peoples kids don't want to be consoled by me and parents quite rightly want to see her reprimanded. I've been telling her no firmly and showing her how we touch nicely for months so now after slapping she says sorry, and offers the other child kisses and stroking and hugs without being prompted. But she doesn't seem bothered.
But i 'm completely at a loss as to why she behaves like this. She has been talking in sentences and asking questions for months and doesn't react out of frustration. With her brother it feels sometimes that she finds it difficult to share my attention with him once he's home from school but when she hurts him he gets more attention and she is ignored so I don't know why she continues. I think she might like hearing him cry. On the rare occasion she's hurt me i've told her off even though I want to scream in pain and now I can see her change her mind about doing it mid way. She rarely hurts dh and me.
Dd now has a 3 month old cousin and has reacted badly to this and this behaviour has worsened. Cousin has been hit on the nose by dd when she was being nice showing him toys only a second before. I can't seem to judge when she's going to pounce and now have to hover constantly around her. In the last month (against hvs advice) i've brought out the time out pad which she has to sit on for 2 mins before returning to apologise. At times she objects to it but at others she couldn't care less. In babygroups if she is aggressive more than once I take her from there because she enjoys going so much. Dd doesn't go to childcare but at times I feel like I shouldn't take her anywhere because I seem to be the only mum having to keep such a close eye on their child. Grandparents are suggesting slapping and biting her back of course which makes me feel as if I've got no-one to speak to. Other than that my mum says I should just let her get on with it and ignore her completely and hope that another child hurts her back. I don't think she's ever had this happen to her.
Sorry for the lengthy rant but i'm becoming quite depressed about it. She slapped a 7 month old and a 14 month old today in an hour so i left the group. She didn't seem to be bothered and proceeded to whack another child with a balloon on our way out the door. She was more distressed that the balloon was confiscated.
So many parents comments that she looks like an angel and as if butter wouldn't melt! Help!
I have no advice but I wanted you to know that my 26 month old boy is EXACTLY the same. I could have written your post. Hard work, isn't it? We've tried everything you have, with no results. I also now have a newborn who he has decided is public enemy number one, the poor thing.
I am just hoping it's a (long) phase and he'll grow out of it. Good lucky
It must be far more difficult for you with Ds2 as well. It must be such an effort to go out to social groups so that ds1 can socialise only to have to leave mid way with a baby in tow! I know I should carry on taking dd to groups but sometimes it would be easier not to bother and only deal with the aggression to ds1. Aaaaaaa!
Slapped 2 babies on the head today within 40 mins. 1 because he stole her drumstick but the other for just sitting there. She played beautifully with her friend though, extremely caring and generous, sharing without no prompting to do so and helping her. Oh well