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Behaviour/development

tips to help dd1 cope with new country

14 replies

webmum · 21/04/2006 14:47

we are moving to Italy (where we are originally from) in the summer and I know dd1, 5 will find it very difficult, I'd like to help her, but I'm not so sure HOW.

SHe knows we are going, and she's always said she's happy as she'll be closer to cousin and grannies, but this morning, completely out of the blue, she said she's not happy about moving.

Which I understand completely, but I'm worried about teh delayed reaction, she seems to keep quite a lot inside before expressing her emotions. she's already started having tantrums more often than usual, and she's had a difficult year to cope with (started school this year). Her teacher thinks she finds it difficult to cope with change in general, and it is becoming apparent she is right.

Where do i go from here? I know I'll have to be more patient with her, but does that mean letting her get away with appalling behaviour? Has anyone been through this? have you got any tips? We're going soon to visit the town, and see a few houses and her new school, but aside from that I'm not sure what we can do. She has lived in this house all her life, this is all she knows...

any help is greatly appreciated!!

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webmum · 21/04/2006 17:30

bump

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Hausfrau · 21/04/2006 17:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MrsWood · 24/04/2006 21:01

We are doing the same thing in few weeks - moving to Croatia (where I'm from) - my dh and dd speak very little Croatian, not even enough to get by, so it's going to be a little difficult for them too, but they're both really looking forward to it - dd is at good age still - 2.9 so she should adapt (I hope) pretty quickly.
My dh and I suggest you try and involve your dd in choosing her new bedroom furniture, some new toys and maybe even be a part of some other choices you have to make - it should make her feel important, that her opinion and choices count, and hopefully she'll start looking forward to a change. Asking her which house she likes / dislikes and why could be a nice icebreaker too. Worth a try. Also, I don't know how much time you'll have when you visit the town, but try taking her somewhere fun, so she sees it's worth going back :)

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hannahsaunt · 24/04/2006 23:47

Hi webmum

We did this last year (and will be doing it again soon). Ds1 was 4y10m when we moved to Australia. It was a natural change point for him inasmuch as he would have been leaving his nursery and going to primary school anyway but it didn't make it any easier. He was happy and sad about coming here and we had endless chats about what it would be like, how we could keep in touch with relatives and friends (email and webcams are great) etc. However, for the first couple of months his behaviour was beyond appalling at times and we felt that whilst somethings could be allowed that for others he needed the consistency of discipline - that everyone had had a big change and there was no excuse for awful behaviour. Things improved significantly when he went to preschool and he has been tremendously happy here.

School is the key for her friends and (at least some) of your friends. I also spent the first couple of weeks finding lots of activities to sign them up for to get them integrated and socialising as quickly as possible - getting out and about is really important.

I'm guessing we'll go through the same thing when we go back in the summer as he'll have another new school and although we'll be back in our own house we're leaving behind so many good friends and lovely things here.

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scienceteacher · 25/04/2006 07:47

Our kids said that they didn't want to move - but when they did they just got on with it and were happy enough.

The new place becomes 'home' for a young child very quickly.

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scienceteacher · 25/04/2006 07:47

Our kids said that they didn't want to move - but when they did they just got on with it and were happy enough.

The new place becomes 'home' for a young child very quickly.

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webmum · 04/05/2006 20:37

sorry for not checking this thread earleier, we're just back from a stint at househunting!

We've also visited dd's school with her, and she seems to be happy about it. It does help that its and english school. I'm not sure she shoudl be involved in choosing houses, as we might not agree on it and then it would be difficult to make her see sense.

As far as furniture goes she wants to bring all her things, she didn't explain, but I susspect she'd find it reassuring...unfortunately we didn't get a chance to do anything fun with her during our visit...it was very short and hectic, but maybe we'll go again before the final move.

any other suggestions are greatly appreciated!!

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webmum · 08/05/2006 10:21

anyone?

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hannahsaunt · 08/05/2006 10:47

Our laptop screensaver runs a slide show of all the photos saved to the pc on a random basis. The boys will sit for hours watching the pics and chatting about who they see and make up stories about what they're doing etc. Really helps them stay connected with people important to them back home; slightly different for you, I realise, but if there are things from home she wants to remember this is an easy way to do it and the collection builds up with pics from the new place with new important people and life goes on. It's good.

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Astrophe · 08/05/2006 21:40

We are in the uk from Australia and our laptop does that too. DD also has her own cheap little photo album that sits on her bookshelf. She gets it out a few times a week and looks at the pics and we talk about all our rellies and friends

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LIZS · 08/05/2006 21:54

Last summer we moved dd, then coming up 4, from her "home" in Switzerland to the uk. She started school full time a month later and now you really wouldn't know she had lived elsewhere. ds (8)still has pangs for the mountains etc even though he has moved back to where he was born and lived until he was 3.

Take or locate locally any favourite foodstuffs, comics/magazines, English books etc so that she knows she can still have some of her comforts and have things in common with those in UK. Lots of photos of those she leaves behind (we did a montage for ds and hung it on the wall) and try to maintain contact by email, drawings or letters, perhaps sending a newsletter with photos occasionally to her current class. If family or friends can visit that helps too as they can realise that they are not physically so far apart and are thought about.

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hannahsaunt · 08/05/2006 22:22

LIZS just reminded me of something else - ds1 loves the Magic Key magazines. Children's magazines don't seem to exist here Oz; may just be that we are too far flung where we are though) so he loves getting these every so often sent from home.

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webmum · 10/05/2006 13:57

thanks for the tips, I think the photo albums are an excellent idea..will try that, as having magazines sent out, my dd also loves them.

thank you all!!

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MaryP0p1 · 14/05/2006 14:10

Webmail, we did the same move last year, almost exactly to the day. My children didn't see her school, didn't speak Italian, doesn't have any relatives and it has turned out fantastically for them. My DD particuarly. They are both almost fluent in Italian, love their school (more than their English counterpart) generally happier more settled children.

Parhaps a diary might help, we did that in the early days. Your welcome to contact me through CAT. My DD is penpals with another girl in the UK about to move to Puglia. My DD answers any questions and the other girl knows she isn't the only one that has gone through experience. Beside you have the advantage of speaking the lnaguage fluently and she won't have to learn immediately if she's going to an English school.

I'm sure everything will be okay.

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