5 1/2 yr old boy constantly crying at bedtime and going to school

(8 Posts)
8795 Thu 17-Jan-13 21:51:33

I have a 5 1/2 year old boy who has started crying for hours at bedtime and going to school. I have spoken to his teacher who says he is fine in school & he also comes out of school laughing. At bedtime he constantly wa
ears you down crying about everything and anything. ranging from he does'nt like his teacher to what if???????. He has keeps going on about heaven and what age you die and what happens when you go to heaven. the heaven & god bit has been going on about 6 weeks but the crying at bedtime and going to school has only been going on this past week. I tried a reward programme which was to give him money for toys if there was no crying for 3 days just to see if it was an attention thing or to see if he had a problem in school. it lasted 2 days and now the whole thing has kicked of again. please help as we are at our wits end, we also have a 3yr old girl & we don't want her picking up on this sort of behaviour. sometimes i wonder if my son has adhd or some other behavioural disorder

morethanpotatoprints Thu 17-Jan-13 22:05:41

Hello OP, I have hardly any words of advice but a couple of my dc went through similar at the same age and sort of grew out of it from what I can remember.
Does your ds go to a Faith school, I'm not suggesting this would be the cause because one of mine went to a community school and went through the same, but a bit older. The one at a Faith school was same age as your ds, that's why I asked.
Children do gain a lot more in terms of cultural differences when they start school and quite often they need time to get their heads round certain aspects. Mine were surprised and not used to different races having begun life in a rural location with only white English. We moved to a large town in the NW and it blew their minds. They soon came used to the changes.

8795 Thu 17-Jan-13 22:22:56

THANKS FOR REPLYING. MY BOY GOES TO A CATHOLIC SCHOOL, ALSO HIS GRANDA PASSED AWAY 18MONTHS AGO ALTHOUGH HE NEVER REALLY QUESTIONED THIS AT TIME, UNLESS HE IS STARTING TO REALISE HE'S NOT COMING BACK. CAN YOU REMEMBER HOW LONG YOUR TANTRUM WENT ON FOR.

hellymelly Thu 17-Jan-13 22:33:16

My dd went through a similar patch in year 1. In the end she was so terribly unhappy that we took her out and home schooled for the two further terms. She started at a new school in year 2, and is now in year 3. She is usually happy about school now but does still have wobbles after breaks. I don't think your son is attention seeking, a lot of children find year 1 hard after the more nurturing time in reception. My smaller dd is also 5 and a half, and gets worried about all kinds of things now, death etc (My Dad died in September). I would try and give him some one on one time when you can, and have a proper meeting with his teacher. My dds teacher was saying she was "fine" even when she had stopped playing at home, didn't want to talk, and was crying herself to sleep every night. I would try and see what can be done at school to help. Five is too small to be miserable.

8795 Thu 17-Jan-13 22:51:01

Hopefully just a phase he's going through and that it won't last very long. At moment there just does'nt seem to be any light at end of tunnel. I spoke to his teacher on Monday & he said to monitor the situation and how long it lasts, he says he might have to address it in school. Your right that 5 is too young to be miserable but some of the questions he asks are just too hard to answer especially for his small brain. He only seems to cry going into school & then once he is there he's fine, he comes out laughing and can tell you how he spent his day playing outside & painting etc. He also seems to be more clingy to me than his dad, but i think that's just a boy thing. whenever you question him on anything he just tells me he's worried.

morethanpotatoprints Fri 18-Jan-13 12:47:29

8795.

I'm sorry to hear about your loss and I think this could be quite a lot to do with it. My dd was similar when my parents passed away within 8 months of each other.
Talk to him in language he can understand and help him see that you are the constant in his life and you aren't going anywhere. Its also possible he has heard grown ups talking and because he doesn't fully understand has created his own version of facts. My dd at 9 still says prayers and sings to the stars in heaven for Nana and Grandad, 5 years later.

I think talking is important and you will soon get to the bottom of whats really bothering him.

Andro Fri 18-Jan-13 18:42:34

I wouldn't be surprised if his Grandpa's death was at the root of this. I've had a similar issue with DD and delayed grief - the time gap was ~15 months. As difficult as it is, you need to try and get him to talk to you...before the tears start at bedtime.

8795 Mon 21-Jan-13 09:56:15

Thanks for your posts. Hopefully he's starting to come round a bit, Sat nite he put his granda's photo beside his bed, saying he was goin to mind him whilst he slept. We still had a crying match but it was over him sleeping in new bunk bed. I keep telling him i'm not going anywhere and he seems ok for about 5 minutes and then he's off again. Thankfully he went to school to-day with no tears, albeit he was clingy but hopefully we're making progress.
I really don't want to go down a counselling route unless it's really necessary.

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