I just cannot sit here doing this anymore...(68 Posts)
Help me, my 18 month old DS is driving me literally insane. I might be depressed but I feel better when I'm not with him so I can't be. He climbs on things. All day. I try to play with him, he is not interested. He goes to play group and has plenty of stimulation and I have lots of friends with children who he plays with several times a week but this climbing is out of control. I know it's probably normal but I actually cannot do it anymore. I have taken all the hard chairs away from the table and locked them away but this makes it hard at meal times as they are heavy and i have a very bad back. I feel so bloody useless with him. He climbs on the raised surface in our lounge which I can't remove and tries to fiddle with our blinds. He will repeatedly do this hundreds (quite literally) times a day. I have raised the blinds now despite the fact that we now have no privacy, at least he can't do it. However now he just climbs on the window sill. He doesn't get bored, which I find strange, he would do it ALL DAY. What do I do? Spend as much time as possible out of the house? We go to soft play areas and such but he wants to climb to the top which I can't let him do as its dangerous.
I know there is nothing anyone can say and it's a phase but I can't cope and don't know what to do about it...
xenia-do you think maybe you could try saying something different for a change?
My life-line is my local council gym - 3 mornings a week they run a play group staffed by qualified childminders, it's only a couple of pounds a session, and it means I can do an exercise class then have a swim, followed by a lovely uninterrupted shower! I work shifts so usually only make it to one or two sessions a week, but they make such a difference! Plus when I collect DS (16mo) he's worn out, I give him lunch then he usually has a good nap while I get stuff done. Can you find out if there's anything like this near you? The exercise makes me feel great too, plus it's helping with my weight loss, which also makes me feel great!
Xenia is here. Now all we need is for seeker to turn up and somehow work the GS debate into the thread
I have sympathy - ds was similar as a toddler - the strain of keeping him safe got distraught at times. I think he needed movement and adventure - his inquisitive active side developing far in advance of his understanding of gravity. And yes he frequently got into places he could not get down from. In snow like now we still went to the park (in warm clothes and lot of spare mits) - he enjoyed me building a snow wall circle or little pillar to knock down ( many times). Wearing him out helped!
feather - I did something similar except I usually just sat in the cafe with a book and a cuppa. Although we were supposed to be on site I would often go for a wander around the shops that were a few minutes drive away.
Being full on with an energetic young child is never easy but I found that short breaks here and there does help you retain your sanity in the long term so don't give up just yet
On the upside, when he is older he might really enjoy going to an indoor climbing facility. There are many more of these around now and climbing is such an excellent activity. Both my children were like yours, OP, as toddlers and the both went on to do climbing as a sport. DS2 would climb all the way up my body and stand on my shoulders (with a bit of balancing help from me!) when he was about that age.
I know it is relentlessly hard work now, but it must be lovely to see his growing skill and determination.
I'm right though. No wonder she's fed up. No one likes being a home all day with an under 5 which is why most men and women work.
But what about the people who work with under 5s all day? Genuine question!
I used to go with ds to a nursery and it was lovely! Ds 'interacted' with the exciting 'new' faces (the staff) and I had great fun with playing, reading, sticking or singing with little ones who actually wanted more sedate activities!
I had one who was a 'climber' - total nightmare. I also found him v difficult. He didn't sleep properly, was v strong willed, v active. He's 14 now and I love him to bits - he was a difficult toddler but is an amazing teenager with an active mind and he is very social, energetic and empathic. He still doesn't sleep and he still has enormous amounts of energy but he's learned to control it. I also have another DS who was completely different, very laid back. And now a DD (nearly 2), who will play with her doll's house and stuff while I chat, cook, work etc - very different. Some kids are just like that and you can't do anything but just get on and deal with it and look after yourself too!
I don't know if it is helpful, but I did come out the other end with my active boy and you mustn't be too hard on yourself. Dr Chris Green's said in one of his books that these super active, lively kids are the politicians, doctors and lawyers of the future, and I think that is right, as long as you help them to handle themselves (which you are doing). You also need to be well. I think that is more important and something I would prioritise. I kept thinking with my DS that I was at fault and this fed the depression. When I accepted it was just his personality and that this would lead to some great things later in his life, I coped better.
DD1 was a compulsive climber. You just had to trust her. She didn't fall, she knew what she could and couldn't do.
Big kids bit of the soft play and big kids end of the park.
The very tops of trees as a 8-9yo.
I got completely used "What an irresponsible mother letting her child do that", looks.
She stopped at around 10 as she got to big and heavy to do it easily and she's not the sporty rock climbing type.
However, she now dons a wet suit and frightens her poor mother in other ways.
You just find you know where every soft play, park and trim trail is in every town you visit and every climbable tree.
We also have a large climbing frame in the garden. I'm afraid OP it will rule your life, DCs that climb will climb, it's just our job to try and prevent it being the book case.
Oh and DD1 was no better at nursery, she used to give the leaders the slip and climb the main school wall bars
Get a playpen, saved me no end of stress and i managed to get my housework completed without worry!
My eldest was a climber. He walked at 10 months and climbed as soon as he could walk. I could never enjoy mums coffee mornings as all the other babies were sitters and I had to rush frantically about stopping him wrecking everything. It was very hard.
I gave him as many climbing opportunities as I could at soft play and other environments where he could climb high and take risks more safely and learn how to risk take. I am the opposite of a helicopter mum and fearlessly let him do things other mothers wouldn't. In fact they'd rush to his rescue when he was fine and make me feel bad but I DID know him best. Don't hide your chairs just turn them backs to the table so they can't flip backwards with his weight. He will probably climb on the table though.
He's 8 now and has never injured himself (badly) being adventurous, he's a very good judger of risks.
My 2nd was a sitter but my 3rd ......... he's 19 months and I found him on his brother's top bunk yesterday ......... Gaah!
Oh and DS1 could climb out of play pens and cots by 18months even with a sleeping bag on so I switched him to a bed and he was fine, often slept on the floor though.
I feel proud of how well I handled him in retrospect even though he pushed me close to the edge. He's an amazing boy and everyone loves him.
We/He got asked to leave Tumbletots because he wouldn't sit still for the sitting still part ...... Well obviously; he was surrounded by fun looking climbing stuff why would he want to sit still??? It made me feel like a crap mother at the time though, how ridiculous!
Also we have a 10ft trampoline with netting in the garden, I often give my 19mo free reign on it to run madly around and crash into the netting and fall over. It is like a fun cage. He can't jump yet just runs and bounces on his hands and knees. I can sit outside with a cuppa rather than have to chase him round continuously and help him on the full height climbing frame.
It's hard to understand what is so bloody annoying about his climbing when I'm sitting here now and he is asleep in bed.
I can't just let him do it. I just can't. Not really sure why, a mixture of fear that he will hurt himself or ruin/break something in the house (I'm probably too house proud)
Xenia I do work two days a week which I enjoy but we cant really afford it any other way and I like the home/work balance mostly!
Zipity it's terrible that you got asked to leave TumbleTots!
So glad for all the advice and sympathy. Met a woman today who said her son was the same which made me feel better. You always feel like you must be the only one huh?
I second the gym, swimming if at all possible.
Our pool had a crèche and I'd swim for an hour doing proper lenths then take exhausting DD in for 30 minutes.
After a session with the nice crèche ladies and a swim she'd have anive long nap.
Join the discussion
Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.Register now
Already registered with Mumsnet? Log in to leave your comment or alternatively, sign in with Facebook or Google.
Please login first.