Relentless hitting/pinching/kic king - desperate

(9 Posts)
Beaver80 Fri 04-Jan-13 18:16:10

DS1 (19 months) has been pinching and showing similar behaviour for a couple of months, which we've tried to deal with with a firm 'no', showing gentle touching, or if continued then separation from us by putting him down or simply turning our back on him. But he's currently recovering from chicken pox and he has pinched, slapped and kicked me constantly all day today and yesterday. I'm 19 weeks pregnant (ouch when he kicks me in the boobs/stomach) so I'm a little sensitive but I just feel so desperate with the situ, I am in tears a lot today and feel like a really bad mother. Even tho I know he doesn't understand the effect of what he's doing it just feels so horrible when I'm playing with him and just trying my best to look after him and make sure he has a good day. I don't know what to do and don't understand why he is doing this and would really appreciate any advice. Thank you.

Posterofapombear Fri 04-Jan-13 18:18:22

No advice I'm afraid but you have my sympathy. I have an 18 month old biter and nothing has worked so far hmm

lorisparkle Fri 04-Jan-13 19:05:42

sounds like you are doing all the right things so definitely not a bad mother. is there anyone who could give you a break and/or do you go to baby and toddlers. my mum was fantastic - I am very lucky and i had my friends little boy as a favour occasionally. u found baby and toddlers a life line especially when pregnant and even more so when i had two. consistency is the key and sometimes you just have to be a broken record.

Beaver80 Fri 04-Jan-13 21:57:20

Thanks guys, really appreciate your responses. Sadly both sets of grandparents are a long way away. I have a pretty supportive NCT group though and have also recently moved to a new area so must investigate parent and toddler groups. As long as he doesn't start attacking other toddlers ;)

lorisparkle Fri 04-Jan-13 22:58:28

I would not worry, many other parents will have been through similar so you will usually get support and helpful suggestions.

Valdeeves Sat 05-Jan-13 00:53:55

I bet you've tried all this but here goes ( I've got a hitter, kicker, pusher so don't think I'm patronising you.)
1. Putting in time out after each hit.
2. Taking toys away.
3. Leaving groups after hitting
4. Rewarding non aggressive behaviour as much as possible when it happens with little treats.
5. Using other adults to praise it too.
6. Modelling how to play nicely as much as you can.

The thing is - they are very young, they don't understand. It's not you - it's a phase. Grit your teeth for the next one and a half years. Also massively massively praise good behaviour towards new baby to help stop aggression there.
PM me if you need support or to let steam off - I've been there ( and still am sometimes.) I will happily listen xxx

twins2004 Sat 05-Jan-13 19:23:03

Not much to add - I have a 19 mth old hitter - and try saying 'no', removing him etc. Nothing seems to work. I hope it is a phase. I have 8 year old twins, and I remember nothing about this age at all...

loveonashoestring Sat 05-Jan-13 21:13:05

Our DS3, 2and 5 months, is a hitter and a flinger of missiles! Has come as quite a shock as other two DCs were so placid at this age. We are trying to persist with the 2 min time out every time he does it which can be very inconvenient if he clanks one of us just as we are all going out the door or I am in middle of cooking but think it is best way to get message home. He knows it is wrong and says sorry straight away sometimes but can't seem to resist the urge. I read recently that the satisfaction felt at this age connecting with something when hitting or the action of releasing something when throwing is too strong to resist and will override reason. So we are trying to satisfy the urge by giving him bean bags to fling in the hallway if wet out, and always taking a ball if we go to park. For the hitting I have given him a plastic hammer and asked him to fix everything in the house. The behaviour has lessened slightly but think it will take some time and patience. My friends little boy was the same at this age and now age 6 he is the sweetest, most considerate little chap you could hope to meet so not an indication of a thug in the making - I keep reminding myself!

Beaver80 Sun 06-Jan-13 17:56:44

Thanks again guys, really appreciate you taking the time to post. Your advice/shared experience is really helpful. I'm feeling a bit better after a couple of days with DH to help out, and think the boy is feeling better in himself which has helped the aggressive behaviour.

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