7 yr old inappropriate touching

(19 Posts)
Trulydevoted Thu 03-Jan-13 23:06:43

My ds3 just turned 7 yrs old. Last night he slept round my sisters house which he was very excited about. My sister has 2 dd 18 mo and 5 yrs old. My 5 yr old niece and my son play happily together and my son is a very caring loving child. However when my sister bought him back to me this morn she said that there was an incident last night whilst my ds3 and my niece were playing upstairs and that my ds3 had put his hand down my nieces knickers and touched her 'bits' and she said that its not the first time it had happened that it happened once before. My sister is really upset and was in tears about it. I'm distraught that he has done this and why? I have talked to him about it and how we mustn't touch any one else's private parts and or show anybody our 'bits' but he knows this wrong already and was really upset when I was talking to him about it because he knew it was wrong but couldn't give me an answer why he had done it.

He is the youngest of 5 and have 2 DS 15 yrs old and 13 yrs old and 2 DSS 16 yrs old and 13 yrs old although DSS don't live me and dh but stay once or twice a week.

I just want to no if this is something I should be worried about as I can't stop thinking about it as it something I've never come across before with any of the others.

Any advice ?? X

MrsSham Thu 03-Jan-13 23:25:24

I'm sorry this upset your sister so much, but I would say she has slightly over reacted. It's very normal at you'd ds age and your dn age to exchange in exploring and showing curiosity. I think what has probably freaked your sister out is that ds is 7 and a boy and dn 5 and a girl and so she has wrongly IMHO seen this as predatory.

Did she tell him off? If so I think you really really need to reinforce to him he hasn't been naughty, but he has done something that lots of children who are learning have all done, and whilst he now knows its not appropriate, to do it again, its certainly not naughty.

It s ver natural especially between cousins or siblings who play so closely and often unsupervised. My dd and dn have had incidents of exploring each others bodies or showing curiosity all that is needed is a reminder that its probably not really appropriate, a little extra supervision and honest answers to questions.

Please don't let either of them feel its bad.

No, it's not normal at this age. Any idea where he could have picked it up from?

Doinmummy Thu 03-Jan-13 23:34:45

I think it's normal. I remember my NDN and I showing our bits to each other. We're both normal adults now. I agree that a gentle reminder that its not appropriate should be given though.

MrsSham Thu 03-Jan-13 23:34:47

Two contrasting opinions in two responses. I think you will get a variety of responses on this OP. I certainly think 7 is still quite young and so his behaviour isn't of concern I think if you call nspcc they would give similar advice. It's worth it if you are concerned, but my opinion is that this would not necessarily ring alarm bells at his age.

MrsSham Thu 03-Jan-13 23:47:37

this may help.

MrsMushroom Fri 04-Jan-13 04:36:47

I would worry about this to be frank. It is not normal and is also a potential sign that someone has done the same or similar to a child....or that they have witnessed it among two others.

I would look at who has access to him...who he is alone with and when.

Trulydevoted Fri 04-Jan-13 11:00:01

Thank you for all your opinions and MrsSham for the link I found it really helpful. I have no idea where he has picked it up from unless he seen/heard something at school. I don't want to question him to much without putting words into his mouth.

I'm sure it was just curiosity and hope this is the last of it. However if it happens again I will seek professional advice.

Thanks guys

JiltedJohnsJulie Fri 04-Jan-13 11:05:24

mrsSham that link is very interesting. Truly, the nspcc info doesn't seem to include your Dss behaviour, have you spoken to him about it?

MrsSham Fri 04-Jan-13 11:12:41

I think it does in the sence that it reassures his behaviour was not showing signs of aggression etc, just curiosity.

JiltedJohnsJulie Fri 04-Jan-13 11:14:38

Ah right perhaps I didn't read it properly. I'd read it as touching your own bits was fine but not others bits.

MrsSham Fri 04-Jan-13 11:18:19

It didnt explicitly say that but read it in the sense that showing curiosity was normal with a sence of privacy, self and others. But I also read that things to be concerned about where aggressive and cohesive behaviour. I don't think there can ever be a rule of thumb that covers everything as children and human nature do not always fit neatly into categories. I would still certainly take it as curiosity, that certainly needs appropriate guidance. However I don't think he displayed anything that would show he was replicating abusive behaviour.

JiltedJohnsJulie Fri 04-Jan-13 11:28:59

Perhaps where I work may have warped my interpretation. Like you say, whichever way it happened he needs guidance and it is a blurred line.

Biscuitsneeded Fri 04-Jan-13 16:06:37

Oh gosh, my DS (7) has a very good female friend who is almost like a sister and they have been trying to put their hands in each others' pants for years! They had a phase of going off to play 'doctors' and being found with no clothes on ten minutes later. We have told them that pants must stay on and that they should not be touching anybody else's bottom, or allowing anybody to touch theirs, although touching their own is OK in private. I think children are naturally curious, and whether we like it or not they do have sexual feelings which they naturally explore how to create. What your DS and niece have been doing doesn't mean they have been exposed to any sort of abuse, or that one of them is any way coercing or exploiting the other. Please don't feel bad. Just back your sister up in voicing clearly to the children that it's not appropriate to touch each other there, but don't allow this to become a drama where there's no need.

JiltedJohnsJulie Fri 04-Jan-13 16:13:21

What your DS and niece have been doing doesn't mean they have been exposed to any sort of abuse, or that one of them is any way coercing or exploiting the other.

Hopefully.

InNeedOfBrandy Fri 04-Jan-13 16:14:07

I remember my cousin and me showing each other our bums in turn for years till we were about 6/7. He used to sniff mine to, btw he's a very normal nice man now and not a sex pest peado weirdo now.

MrsSham Fri 04-Jan-13 16:55:06

Jilted its important to remember there is a worried mother at the end of this OP. it is very true that hopeful none of our children have been exposed to anything. But their really is nothing in the op to suggest other wise. I think either way over reacting and making assumptions is not going to help him or the little girl in any way. I think OP has already displayed a sense of perspective and able to deal with this one off incident effectively.

Trulydevoted Sat 05-Jan-13 17:13:23

Thank you for all your posts. My mind has eased a bit reading other people's experiences. My sister and I are very close and after a discussion and about mn we are able to move on from this and not turn it into something that's its not.

I knew I was open to mixed responses and my ds3 hasn't been exposed to anything he shouldn't be and I have bought him up the same as my other 2 ds's the only difference being that my sister didn't have any kids at the time they were growing up.

Thanks guys x

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