Discipline for a 1 year old?

[ArgumentativeAardvark]

I really need some advice. DD is 17 months old and I'm struggling with we behaviour. I don't know how else to describe it other than she's being naughty. We had a play date today with two other babies, who she loves spending time with, and she was being really aggressive with them, continually pushing them over, attempts at pinching and biting. I normally just say no, be gentle and move er away. But today she was so bad I really felt that wasn't enough, so I told her no and put her on the bottom step - mostly just to remove her from the situation because she was lunging in for another attempt at pinching.

I really don't like raising my voice and am very against smacking etc and I don't think the naughty step is going to be very effective on a one year old. So what do I do? I can't let her terrorise all the other babies.

[CornyClam]

Is she tired/hungry?
Can you distract her?

[ArgumentativeAardvark]

She was tired and hungry actually. (Tea was cooking). And I do try my best to avoid those sorts of situations in the first place, I tend to intervene if there's an argument brewing over toys. But sometimes she seems to do it for no reason at all and I don't know how to react when she does.

I'm sat here feeling guilty and horrible for telling her off this afternoon because I know she doesn't really understand.

[CornyClam]

Maybe you could try to time play dates around meals so that she isn't hungry? Does she still have a nap?

[CornyClam]

Don't feel guilty - you've not done her any harm. You had to move her away from the other babies if she was hurting them. It's a distant memory for me now but I remember The stress when play dates didn't go according to plan. She might be absolutely fine next time.

[ArgumentativeAardvark]

She still needs a nap but she's very hit and miss with them. She managed 15 mins today

I think I'm just over thinking things and doubting myself, I always worry I'm going to give her "issues" if I do things wrong but also don't want her to grow up to be a terror.

[CornyClam]

I remember it being very hard around the dropping of the nap stage. Don't be too hard on yourself. You sound like you're doing a great job with her.

[omri]

My ds is 17 months and the very same on play dates! Oh god I hate those things now I get so stressed and spend my time pretty much standing over him to grab his hand before he hits or pushes my friends dd over again (she is 3 months older!). I tell him "gently" "no that is naughty be nice to tess" or else just bring him to the other side of the room and distract him etc but nothing seems to work. It even happens in the playground. Last week he ran over to a 3 year old And started hitting him! I was mortified and obviously apologised and scolded him etc but uughghh!!

He is lovely lovely lovely with adults. It's kids his own age he seems to get hitty with... He doesn't go to nursery tho ... I thought it was just because he is not used to how to behave with other children... Does your dd go to nursery?

I think it's just a phase but so awful especially when they're otherwise a happy lovely playful baby!

[Iggly]

It'll be the no nap and hunger. Give her snacks when she's on a playdate. For example if she gets grabby, sit her on your lap with a snack for a bit. Hover closely if you can sense she's about to strike and swiftly distract. Don't be embarassed, just do it. You have to be immediate with them at this age - that's why naughty steps don't work because they don't have a sense of time like us. They live in the "now".

My ds could be quite "physical" - I used to avoid playdates a lot of the time and meet people in the park instead. Much easier.

If she's having trouble napping can you work on that? Take her for a long walk or drive to engineer sleeps? My ds was still having two naps until 20 months as were some of his peers despite being told they should be down to 1.... So first nap would usually be on the go ie in pushchair around 8.30/9 for about 20 mins and second one about 12.30pm after an early lunch. He'd need cuddling or feeding otherwise he'd resist.

[ArgumentativeAardvark]

Thanks everyone for your advice. I know I need to work on her napping, I feel like that's all I've been doing since she was born but she is so resistant to sleep!

omri yes my DD does go to nursery. I'm hoping long term this might help with her social skills (she's not a big people person in general to be honest) but its not having any effect at the moment.

She's been an angel today, but we haven't seen any other babies.

[Rockchick1984]

Will definitely second the advice about sitting her away from the others with a snack, my DS (21months) gets very irritable if he's hungry (will start messing with things he knows he's not allowed, he throws toys etc. Feed him and he's fine!

I wouldn't ever smack him for his behaviour, and I try to save shouting at him for if he's doing something dangerous as I don't want it to lose its impact. I either remove him from the situation or distract him. When I remove him, he tends to have a small strop but then calms down and comes over for a cuddle which (in my mind) is fab and just gives him time to let his emotions out.

[formerdiva]

Some advice I was given that really helped me was that while they're still very little and this happens, give attention to the "wronged" child. So I would say a very brief, firm "no" to my DC, move them away and then talk to the other child ("you poor thing, well done for being brave " etc).

Also, have you tried Harvey Karp's Happiest Toddler? Some useful stuff in there.

Having said all that, though, I do think that it's a phase that most children will go through, so please don't get too stressed about it or think that it's a reflection on your parenting

[ThreeBeeOneGee]

At that age, I found that the best thing to do was to separate them from the victim so they can't do any more damage (take them into a different room) then very firmly say "no pinching", put them down, turn your back and walk away.

Good behaviour should draw you in like a magnet, lots of praise, eye contact, smiles and proximity.

[CecilyP]

Having said all that, though, I do think that it's a phase that most children will go through, so please don't get too stressed about it or think that it's a reflection on your parenting.

I absolutely agree with that. She is just a baby and doesn't really need 'play dates'. Obviously, it is nice for you to go out and meet your friends who also have babies, but don't worry too much if things don't go to plan. If things get too bad, you do just have to remove your child from the situation. I had a friend with a baby the same age as DS and when we met the boys just looked at each other and screamed. Not really condusive to our friendship, but it was a short-term thing. Children are only really able to play well with other children when they reach about 3.