No pointing! Worried mum seeking advice

(64 Posts)
Welovecouscous Fri 07-Dec-12 21:50:29

My DS - almost 17 months does not point yet.

He does have quite a few words:

Can make noises for at least 13 different animals if he sees them in the picture book. Eg if there is a picture of a bee and I say to him what sound does it make he says buzz, or if he sees a dog he says wood woof.

So I think talking is ok BUT no pointing!

He is very affectionate and friendly with family and friends, but still quite shy in big groups. He was a high need baby and still cries more than most others the same age in groups.

Should I be concerned?

Ineedmorepatience Sun 13-Jan-13 14:11:01

Dont feel embarrased about being sensitive and yes it is likely that he takes after you. He is your baby, bless him.

Separation anxiety is common in little ones too but the fact that he has bonded with your new nanny is great.

I wonder if your old nanny couldnt bond with him for some reason and decided to blame him instead of looking at her own strategies.

It has been known wink

Welovecouscous Sun 13-Jan-13 13:07:44

Hi patience, thank you so much for your response.

He has separation anxiety (doesn't like it if I leave the room) and is highly strung, but is very happy in the company of the new nanny and laughs so much. He is basically a very happy little boy. DH and I are both over sensitive, so he may just take after us blush

Ineedmorepatience Sun 13-Jan-13 10:20:30

Hi welove, I have just read your thread. I have Dd3 who has ASD so I know a bit about it and I wanted to say that your little one sounds lovely. He may turn out to be quirky as he has a fair amount of quirkiness in his genes by the sound of it but that is fine. Quirky kids are ace and they are what makes the world what it is.

It is only if quirkiness starts to become a problem eg, not socialising, being very anxious or overly obsessive, that you need to act to make sure your son has support if he needs it.

For now, I think you should sit back and enjoy him. If in 6 months you are still worried, then maybe go to your GP and discuss your concerns.

Good lucksmile

brettgirl2 Sun 13-Jan-13 10:02:14

Sounds like it to me! I think imaginative play to me is making up a whole story with dolls. I probably missed the first signs entirely then with Dd1 blush. To be honest I think most of the time ignorance is bliss!!!

Welovecouscous Sun 13-Jan-13 09:33:13

Not saying I'm particularly bright btw and genuinely not stealth boasting - I really have been very worried about DS sad

Welovecouscous Sun 13-Jan-13 09:30:44

Rooney, OCD also runs in our family, but so does academic / intelligence - lots of Oxbridge degrees/PhDs/firsts among immediate family.

Welovecouscous Sun 13-Jan-13 09:28:07

Oh my god - this morning at breakfast he was pushing toast fingers up and down his tray and saying car, car shock might just be a first sign of imaginative play!

I think I'm going to try to forget about this stuff for now!

RooneyMara Sun 13-Jan-13 08:42:00

My second didn't point at this age either. I posted on here about it. He was fine. He's 5 now, and incredibly clever (ok, I am his mum, I'd say that - but I'm being honest!) and a bit OCD I think, it does run in our family, but he's steaming ahead academically, if you can call it that - ie I can read his writing and still struggle to read ds1's, who is 9...

in short it can indicate a problem but doesn't always. Short of other flags I'd not be too concerned.

brettgirl2 Sun 13-Jan-13 08:38:57

I honestly can't remember when dd started imaginative play but it wasn't at 18 months. I think a lot of this stuff online is constructed via mummy imagination tbh.

Welovecouscous Sun 13-Jan-13 08:36:18

Brett that's what I thought about it being v young but apparently it's expected! Some children just grow up faster than others, though and mine is definitely not doing it yet.

The pointing thing is definitely not one to google!

brettgirl2 Sun 13-Jan-13 08:34:22

18 months is surely very young for imaginative play? I clicked on this because googling pointing innocently (I just wondered when they started doing it without knowing its significance) made me worry about my seemingly 12 month old hmm note to self never google anything. She now seems to be pointing with her thumb..... very strange!

Also my nearly 4 year old hated loud noises until about 3 I think that's normal, she certainly shows no signs of ASD. They all seem to run away from the loud hand dryer at our local soft play smile

Welovecouscous Sat 12-Jan-13 22:30:20

DS started to point today!! smile

I have been doing pointing myself to show him and we went to the farm today and I pointed at each animal and said "mummy is pointing at the cow" etc

This evening he started pointing at toys. He is just 18 months (and 4 days!) and has around 40 words, so I think his vocabulary is fine.

Now I just want to see him start to do imaginary play and I can put the whole worry behind me. Maybe that will happen tomorrow smile

Whiteshoes Sun 09-Dec-12 10:36:17

It sounds to me like you two communicate really well with each other. You are both sensitive souls and you're very attuned to his needs. Mine had a very large number of words (stealth boast anyone?) before she got round to "water" or "pasta", which I thought was funny, but my mum suggested was down to me being so good at second guessing her needs that she didn't need to bother with useful words. Could something similar be going on here?

Goldmandra Sun 09-Dec-12 10:11:04

Welove I think you need to hang on to the fact that you didn't have any concerns yourself. Your own instincts are usually a really good indicator of whether your child has a problem.

You've had a bit of a heads up about a small possibility. In all likelihood it will come to nothing. If he does have problem,s later on you will know where to start which puts you one step ahead of many parents.

Lots of children want to be carried a lot. Your DS is lucky that you are happy to do attachment type parenting.

You're doing everything right to give a sensitive child the best start in life. Try not to let someone else's pretty flimsy concerns about his possible future development spoil this precious time for you.

Welovecouscous Sun 09-Dec-12 09:22:05

No Daisy - I thought he was doing really well and was just sensitive - definitely wants to be carried more than other children his age etc etc

SolomanDaisy Sun 09-Dec-12 08:09:32

I think there is a problem with your former nanny, not your son! Would you have had any concerns at all if she hadn't said anything?

Welovecouscous Sat 08-Dec-12 23:43:13

He has bonded with his current carer absolutely fine btw - goes up to her and hugs her, smiles when he sees her, cries when she leaves.

lisad123 Sat 08-Dec-12 23:43:04

If your worried, keep a diary for a few weeks, keeping track of his social skills ect.
It will either confirm that you think his fine, or give you something to discuss with Hv.

Welovecouscous Sat 08-Dec-12 23:35:07

He loved being in a sling Lisa and being carried and being on my knee are faves.

Welovecouscous Sat 08-Dec-12 23:34:19

What happened with the nanny was that she didn't really approve of my parenting style I don't think - very attachment parenting. She gave notice after a few weeks, saying he hadn't bonded at all. She made comments about his social skills. He was 14 months. I think she was trying to imply he had ASD in an earlier conversation.

lisad123 Sat 08-Dec-12 23:31:43

It's not about the pointing but more to do with shared interested, so he would point to show you something, which he is doing by physically bringing you things.
Both my girls have Asd and before they were two it was clear. They hated being carried in slings, that was way too close.

MrsMushroom Sat 08-Dec-12 23:25:15

He is very young.....he's not even two. I think you should chill out and enjoy him. If by the time he's two, he's not bringing toys to show you and you're still concerned, then speak to the HV or GP. What exactly did the Nanny say?

harrogatespring Sat 08-Dec-12 19:33:15

I worried about the same thing - and two weeks after he turned 17 months he very clearly pointed (had shrugged his hand in directions for things) and that was it...

And 17 months is too young for imaginative play
And lots of babies need time to settle in new places and are sensitive to noise

Problem is once you worry about one thing, it makes you scrutinise everything else - whereas he sounds like he's doing v well developmentally

They do it went they're ready - such a cliche but because its true - and you can be encouraging as you want but it doesn't change that. Plus if the encouragement is driven by anxiety it becomes a pressure for them, I think.

Try to thought stop, if you can. It's really exhausting, if nothing else

Welovecouscous Sat 08-Dec-12 16:26:59

Booby thanks so much for letting me know about the article - I've just found and read it and it seems to say 'showing' parents things a lot means a toddler is less likely to have ASD. DS is always bringing books over, thrusting them in front of me and sharing something about them eg that there is a cat or that the book is about hugging - saying hug hug hug.

You could argue that is him just wanting to be read to - saying 'I want you to read the book about the cat ', but it doesn't feel like just a demand to be read to.

Welovecouscous Sat 08-Dec-12 16:14:41

Booby he is great at responding to his name. If I ask him to come over and give me a kiss he will.

He is very independent - likes looking at board books by himself - but will also run over with a book of choice - eg run over with a book about a cat saying "miaou miaou" - then sit on my lap and want to read.

Off to look in the sn section for the stuff on pointing, but can you link if you have a chance??

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