WWYD if your DC was naughty at school but good at home?

[chicaguapa]

DS(8) isn't getting on very well at school. He's been unhappy for a while now and says he's always getting into trouble. He feels like the teacher doesn't like him because she's always telling him off. He's quite sensitive and prone to dramatics so we listened and comforted him but didn't get overly concerned.

DH went to the parents evening this week and the teacher didn't have a good word to say about him. She said he has a bad attitude, is always in trouble and misses quite a few playtimes. She said he's missed quite a few homeworks (DH challenged this as we're only aware he missed the one over half term as we had visitors), never completes his reading record (I filled it in at the beginning of term to say he reads every night in bed and was currently reading Harry Potter) and he doesn't try hard enough (he always used to as we noted he had much more drive than DD so this was a surprise.)

To start with DH thought she'd mixed him up with another DC as it sounded so unlike DS as he's fine at home. She's new to the school and DH didn't find her very warm so she didn't make a good impression on him. As a teacher himself he always tries to find something positive to say during parents evenings, but she clearly couldn't find a single thing! But we said we'd support her and would speak to DS about his behaviour at school.

Today he came home in tears as he was moved down on some chart and now has to miss playtime on Monday. But he's adamant that he doesn't know what for, only that the teacher turned round and said 'DS, that's inappropriate. Move your name down to whatever it was.'

Just looking for thoughts really. I've no idea why DS is getting into so much trouble and he feels like his teacher doesn't like him. He got glowing reports from the last 3 years saying he was a pleasure to have in the class etc. Just not sure what's gone wrong.

[GordonBrownTextureLikeSun]

In all honesty, from what you've written, it sounds like this teacher is terrible.
Given his last three years have been good, I would talk to the Headteacher and raise your concerns there, you never know, other parents may be in the same boat as you.
If nothing is done to improve the situation, I would seriously consider moving schools, it sounds like he is on a downward spiral with this teacher.

[deleted203]

I would be thinking the teacher was crap, TBH (and like your DH I'm a teacher myself). She couldn't find a single positive thing to say about an 8 yo who has been a 'pleasure to teach' for the last 3 years? I would make an appointment for both of you to go and see her and ask for specifics of what is so poor about his 'attitude'. I would want to know WHY he is always in trouble and WHY he has missed several playtimes. Obviously if my DS was behaving badly then I would be supporting the teacher and sorting out his behaviour - but I'm not sure that this is the case here. I would be prepared to say to her that he feels she dislikes him and that you are very concerned that she was so negative about him.

[deleted203]

x posted with Gordon. But we are on the same wavelength.

[chicaguapa]

Thanks everyone. This has made me feel better.

Our view is that no DC should feel that their teacher doesn't like them or is singling them out in this way. We'll ask to meet the teacher and say that we're sure she hasn't taken against him (give her the benefit of the doubt) but DS obviously feels this way and we would expect things to change so he doesn't.

We wondered if he was playing up because of tiredness from switching to KS1 to KS2 but I would have thought a year 3 teacher would know to take that into account. Also if he was bored as he's very able, but that's not an excuse for bad behaviour, just a reason IYSWIM.

More seriously, I'm concerned that she hasn't spoken to his previous teachers to see if this is in character. I would have thought that a 'lively boy but a pleasure to have in the class' turning into the class's token naughty boy would raise concerns about home life and child protection issues. Not suggesting that anything is going on of course but it is a flag and before this week she hadn't met either of us. Instead she just laid into DH before he had a chance to sit down.

[cornkeg]

she laid into dh how unprofessional
ds shouldn't be missing his playtimes - whatever she is doing clearly isn't working
Personally I would speak to the Head.

[SavoyCabbage]

I would go and talk to the head on the back of the parents evening to talk about how different your son is now compared to the previous years. The head might know there is something afoot with the teacher.

It must be horrid for you to have to send your boy to school every day.

[chicaguapa]

We have found from another child what the incident was on Friday. DS swears it was an accident (not major but it did break a rule), but my issue is that I had to find out from someone else what DS did to miss a playtime as DS didn't know himself. Surely the point of the sanction is to make the DC reflect on his behaviour, not spend it wondering what he'd done? DS says it doesn't matter as the teacher has to fill in a slip for him to take to the hall at playtime and it says on there what he's done wrong.

DH wants to speak to her in the first instance. If things don't improve, we'll definitely go to the head. Though he's pretty useless too by all accounts.