Crying at either parent who's just come back

[daad]

Hi all,

I'm currently a full time dad and have a gorgeous 3 year old girl who's in general pretty well behaved (for a 3 year old). There's various things that I guess I could worry about but generally don't. Tantrums and grumps are regular but under control. There's just one thing that's bothering me.

Every time either her mum or me are away from her she becomes distressed when we come back. She hides her face and cries / moans. Her mum works full time and this happens almost every day when she gets home. The same is true for me when I'm out for the day or if her grandparents look after her for a few hours.

I would put this down as simply a phase that she'll get over but there is a complication in that we are going to be separating soon and we'll both be working full time. I'm really worried that if we don't get this issue sorted before the changes happen, it could escalate and really affect her.

Can anyone offer any advice?

Thanks :)

[amazingmumof6]

is she unhappy while being with the person looking after her?
if no, I wouldn't worry too much

there's probably some level of separation anxiety going on and the crying is her way of punishing you (not a conscious decision, mind you!)

children do this when starting nursery/school, she's perfectly happy all day long, but by seeing you she's reminded that you left her earlier and then she suddenly feels sorry for herself. (weird, huh?)

also she could just be exhausted at the end of the day

[rumbelina]

Ds does this, he's 2. Dh gets in after us every day and ds always goes 'no' and squeals away from dh when he gets in.

I rather naively thought he'd be different towards me when I worked late the other day and dh finished early.

Oh no. Despite being a bit of a mummys boy atm, ds was outraged to see me. I felt happy for dh though as he got proof that its not personal.

That's toddlers I suppose.

[madwomanintheattic]

This too shall pass.

I would be preparing her for the next childcare step though - with such a huge change imminent, she would benefit from easing in to the new arrangement... Nursery? Ft with GPs? Whatever it is...

[daad]

Thanks all for the responses. She's not upset when being looked after by just one of us, it is literally from the point when the other one gets back. I did think that it was some kind of punishment for leaving her, which is why I'm so scared of it happening more often. We're doing everything we can to make the transition as smooth as possible, but ultimately the changes will happen and are fundamentally pretty big. None the less, I do feel a bit happier that none of you have expressed any major concerns! Thanks :)

[footflapper]

My 2.6 yo ds has recently started nursery & he does it when I pick him up (he always has a good time there) Hopefully it wont last too long..