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control cry a 4 month old(149 Posts)
Hi all. Need some advice. My 4 month old DD is in most ways a delightful baby, but she won't sleep at night more that 2 hours at a stretch. She was going for 5-7 hours but once she was 3.5 months it all went away. I am having some health issues and very high blood pressure and both her doctor and mine have recommended that we sleep train her via controlled crying. I used this method to perfect success with my older DD when she was 7 months. Do I do anything differently this time because she is 4 months? Any other tips??
And I actually got some helpful advice. I don't know why some of you even replied on a thread clearly not meant for you.
Who was the thread meant for? Only people who agree with you?
Dont you have anything better to do?! Is meant for people who have done sleep training before 6 months.
Not at the moment, no.
How odd that you are so defensive.
I'm not! I am I'll and exhausted. I'm done with this. Thanks to those who helped.
I don't agree with CC for a 4 month old either. On holiday with my sister and she left her 4 month old to cry to sleep. I ended up going in another room, as I hated hearing her cry.
BUT, if you're going to do it, please just try rocking, cuddling, singing your LO to sleep, rather than just being left alone. Try to give her other associations to get to sleep, so feed until she is still ever so slightly awake and put her down very gently, keeping her cuddled until she is asleep in her cot (so you are bent over). Put music on, give her a comforter etc. Build up other associations. But please don't leave her alone.
Please don't go all night without feeding. 4 months has a huge growth spurt, it is unusual to sleep through at that age, particularly breastfed babies. Rely on your OH to try to settle her through other ways, but if she is still upset, please do feed her, wind her, cuddle and rock her until she is asleep.
Cote, you've missed or ignored the bit where I said I have nothing against gentler methods of helping a child self soothe and nothing against guiding them and working with them at an appropriate time. Again, I never once said that it's not possible that a child is ready to sleep through and just unable to. And I repeat, I first posted to offer alternative advice, other methods etc with a clearer picture of what was actually happening but the op doesn't want any of that so I left it there. I am merely anti CC and CIO, especially for a 4 month old baby. This doesn't mean I've made any assertions whatsoever about your child or any other child and the reasons why they wake up. I happen to think there are better ways and that leaving a 4 month old to cry is unnecessary and unfair.
I can dig out the stuff about sleep being affected by developmental leaps if you want but not right now. I have a baby asleep on me! You might not have seen the changes in their brains while they were making developmental leaps and you might not have seen how they slept differently but this doesn't mean one, that it didn't happen or two, that it's not the truth. My dd had v interrupted nights when meeting major milestones. DS continued to sleep through however and to the untrained eye, nothing changed. BUT because I coslept I could see that he stirred more, was a bit more restless, practised movement in his sleep etc. You would have been asleep and unaware of some of this I suspect! I was a lot of the time too!
There have been so many replies to your thread that I'm not sure you're still reading!
I have used sleep training with my daughter and it has worked very quickly (never more than 15min of crying and after a week she dropped the habit of protesting loudly whenever we'd put her in her cot). However it seems difficult to me to do that and continue to exclusively breastfeed: how will you know she's not hungry during the night? Would it be an option to give her a bottle of formula with a bit of baby rice in to fill her up at 10-11pm? Also establishing daytime naps is essential. I followed the Gina Ford routines fairly loosely and it worked very well - there are lots of over the top things to be disregarded but the concept of a routine to me is the backbone of good night time sleeping.
Do whatever is needed to protect your health - what's the point of 100% breastfeeding if you're miserable, sleep deprived and ill?
Giulia please tell me you are joking about putting baby rice in a bottle? Dont be so bloody ridiculous. It is DANGEROUS.
It's normal for a 4 month old to feed all night long, it's what they do. I don't know any 4 month old that sleeps right through the night.
They are tiny for such a short time, it passes by so fast and is so precious. I've been through hell with my dds sleeping but one thing I can say is its such a short fleeting time that one day you may well look back and smile.
And my dd suffered horrendously with teething which was million times worse than the constant waking for feeds, she would only sleep if I held her and cried all night long.
It's all a distant memory now.
This too shall pass
Please enjoy your snugly newborn, it will be over before you know it
Really pilot ? my DS was the only baby in RL that I knew not sleeping through by 4 months, most did it by 10/12 weeks.
I'm new to MN and not posted before, but I have been reading with interest as I have just been through similar with my 5mo old. There is so much info about the 4 month sleep regression/growth spurt please google it as it sounds like what you are going through. Ours has been about 4 weeks, but we are over the worst of it now.
There are so many different opinions and experiences on here, but that is because every baby is different, so please don't compare one to another, just because others are 'sleeping through' at this age it doesn't mean they all will. You also cannot compare ff and bf babies.
I don't agree with any form of sleep training, they are babies not adults and we should not force them to fit onto our lives, they will get there when they are ready in their own time.
Crying is their only way to communicate, it should not be ignored.
I agree that older children who have done CIO or CC do not have any problems as they grow up, but they don't remember it. But at the time, in the moment when they are screaming their hearts out and no one comes (even for 5 mins) how scared and alone must they feel.
Just my thoughts on the topic.
Magoos how can you be sure that all the other babies were really sleeping through at that age?
Define sleeping through. For some people it's putting baby to bed at 7.30pm and baby getting up at 7am. For others its putting baby to bed and only having one feed through the night.
I could tell you my dd slept through from 8 weeks. I might not mention that she gets up for the day at 4am.
A four month old waking up at night is entirely normal. They NEED food and comfort.
The thought of withholding either of those disgusts me.
I'd recommend Baby Whisperer Shh/ pat method for that age. Should come up if you google. We had great success with it and dd is a great sleeper now. Good luck xx
Since we're talking about anecdotes, I have 4 dc and only one slept through at 4 months
Also agree about different ideas of constitutes 'sleeping through'.
To me sleeping from 12 to 5 is NOT sleeping through, but a lot of people will tell you that!
Iirc the 'medical' definition* of sleeping through s something silly like 5 hours straight sleep. Im sure most people would disagree with that
*i read that on here so not necessarily correct
OP you sound very defensive. ESP with your "martyr mother " comment.
Some mothers just want to go with the needs of their baby and are happy to do so.
Does your doctor honestly relate high blood pressure to night wakings with your baby?
If she sounds defensive, it's because she very clearly asked one specific question ('do I have to do something different when doing CC with a four month old?') and was met with a raft of anti-CC opinions, and was then treated like she had actively sought these (unwanted and often rudely expressed) opinions.
I really don't know why we can't take an each-to-their-own approach with CC. I'm not comfortable with women who actively choose not to even attempt breast feeding. I would never dream of flaming them for their decision, either IRL or on a public forum. I don't see why sleep training should be any different.
No one flamed her. Posters were giving her advice and options. You are not going to agree with all of them but no need to cut back with silly remarks about "martyr mothers". YOu can't expect a disclaimer on here that people only respond with advice you want to hear.
It is often the suggestions outside of the "box" that sometimes make us re-evaluate our rigid choices. It can be liberating to realise you don't HAVE to do it the way you thought you did, if that makes sense...
For the record: to me "shhh pat" and cc are the same to me other than I will have timed interval in between. 2 my health problem are none of our concern is notr there for you to judge. My bp is a side effect of something else but something that needs to be addressed ASAP 3 this has been flaming. I did not ask for a barrage of comments not related to my question. My "martyr mother" was heartfelt. Most of you are very judgemental and sow how feel the need to post comments on your mothering style when not asked for in the first place. I was even told to get some maternal instinct! Nice supportive place to be.
Shhh pat isn't the same as CC JPaav. Shhhh pat is that you sit with your child as long as necessary, shhing and patting, but not getting them out of the cot. You only leave when they are calm and settled (i.e. sleepy but preferably not quite asleep) and you come straight back if they start to cry again. Whereas CC you leave the room and return at intervals to give some comfort, but then leave again. With shhh pat, you could sit shhing and patting for 20 minutes, whereas with CC you would give a cuddle and go.
I appreciate it is your baby and I am not judging what you choose to do, but just so you know the options, they are different things. I know someone who had great success with pick up/put down at four months too.
I'm doing a combo of the two for now and feeding her of she starts "that cry". She is 19 weeks now so w doc instruction I will move to a more traditional cc at 5-6 months.
"babies should be able to sleep through by 6 months period unless there is a behavioural or emotional problem" what bollocks, where on earth did you read that?
Oh and the reason I see it as same is because my baby stops crying after just a few mins so i leave.
i would try the pantley pull off technique btw to get her used to falling asleep without the breast or offer her a dummy if she really needs to suck for comfort which many many babies do and is totally normal and natural.
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