hi, I really hope somebody can help me with some advise as i literally do not know what to do about this ... My DS is 2.1, he is my absolute world and I adore him, everyday he makes me smile. At home he is brillient, very loving, and has me in stitches laughing ......... BUT ...... take him out in public and he turns into the devil child!! He Hits and pushes other children, on purpose, for no reason at all. A child can be stood in his way and said child will get floored, or if a child is stood next to him, he will look a them and then hit them repeatidly in the face!
Needless to say it is absolutly mortifying, and on more than a few occasions i have left play centres/groups in tears. I have already stopped going to 1 play group, as it was a really big group and I though it was maybe too much for DS, i still take him to a small play group.
He did go through a terrible stage of hitting me and his dad but we have managed to stop that now but how do I stop him doing it in public? I do disipline him, very sternly if he does it to children, remove him from the others and make him sit on his own for 2 minutes and apologise to whoever was his victim! I am constantly hovering over him to try and stop anything happening.
His nursery have said today he has been really naughty with the other children and has spend most of the day on the "blue spot" and he wasnt allowed to play outside ...... it just makes me so sad
At that age, children can be very suggestible. You could say you'd like to go to soft play (or wherever) again soon, and ask him to let you know when he feels like he's a big enough boy to go there and not hit anyone. So you let him decide. When he tells you he's ready, be pleased but not overly so, go soon and reward him.
If he does hit, just say 'Oops, we got that wrong - you're not quite big enough yet. Let me know when you think you are ready to try again' and go straight home.
These are Positive Parenting techniques that take the drama and power struggle out of the equation and let the child see that he is responsible for his own behaviour, which is a powerful thing. Also shows, without the horror of punishments and reward charts, that life's more fun when we behave well.
It's possible to drip feed these ideas. If he's good, give him a cuddle and a small treat and later on say casually, at tea, 'we had a great time, didn't we? Life's more fun when we grow out of the hitting stage.' Let him know it's a stage.
If this doesn't work, it's worth looking to see if there's an underlying anxiety or problem. But usually these techniques work like a charm on difficult children. Adopting them made my life so much easier.
Hi racingheart, thank you for your reply and advise, I will try more of a positive approach to the situation.
Don't get me wrong he is by no means an angel at home and we have been through some pretty trying times with him learning to push boundaries, which it seems we are on the right side of now, it's just being out and playing with other children that we need to master now!! The thing that confuses me the most is that he is SO loving towards me, his teddies and animals, and even small babies, he kisses and cuddles them and knows he must be gentle, I am also due dc2 in 9 weeks and he is always cuddling bump and talking to it.
Anyway I am going to speak with his key worker at nursery tomorrow (he just does 1.5 days at nursery) and see if we can come up with something that we can do together so it's consistant for him x