Nearly 1 year old sleeping nightmare PLEASE HELP

(20 Posts)
felixfelicis1 Mon 12-Nov-12 10:28:19

My DS has always been a bad sleeper but I managed to get him sleeping through the night (just). He has recently taken a massive turn. I'm a supporter of the cry it out method (sorry to those of you who think that's awful) and did that with him in the past. But I didn't find it too difficult because he has never been very interested in cuddles. When he cried in the night before picking him up only made it worse and he was just doing angry over tired cries. The best thing to do was just to leave him. He would never ever fall asleep in my arms. Now though he seems desperate for cuddles. He is crying proper tears and is absolutely desperate to be held. I know nothing's properly wrong because he stops as soon as I pick him up. The last few night's I've brought him into bed with us but I just don't sleep a wink when he is in there so I have to stop. I work full time and am starting to find it quite hard to keep going. I had terrible PND in the beginning (largely from the lack of sleep I think) and desperately don't want to turn my family back to that awful time.

He has also become a bit more clingy in the day. Sometimes crying and crying for no reason just to have a cuddle. He is only like that if it is just the two of us. If there are other people around or we are out and about he couldn't be less fussed whether I am there or not.

He is generally a very very jolly boy and nothing has changed in our lives that I can think of that might affect him in this way. None of his developmental changes have had much bearing on his sleep so I can't imagine it's that. Teeth maybe??

The main thing I want to know is, should I go back to crying it out? It doesn't feel right to me like it did before and so am struggling to bring myself to do it. Has anyone else had a similar experience or any tips?

Sorry for excessively long post but please please help if you can!

Wrenner Mon 12-Nov-12 10:52:32

I've recently done the cry it out method with my 20 month old son and it took 40min one night! Wish I'd done it before. I would say listen to your gut.. If he seems upset then is leave it a few weeks until he's happier then maybe try. Teeth can really upset them ALOT. Especially molars and canines smile

felixfelicis1 Mon 12-Nov-12 11:39:09

Thanks so much for your response. Can I ask what was your son's crying like when you did this? I'm trying to decide whether maybe the proper tears, shouting etc is just that he's getting older?

Cupcakemummy85 Mon 12-Nov-12 11:44:16

I had to let my dd (16 months) cry it out last night as I knew she was dry and fed etc so there was nothing more I could do as putting her in my bed just wakes her up even more. It was 45 mins before she got to sleep. A very long battle in the middle of the night sad I know how u feel

felixfelicis1 Mon 12-Nov-12 11:48:23

Thanks cupcakemummy can I ask your exact process? Did you go in a reassurre etc then do the 45 mins? Or did you just not go to her at all? Did she then sleep through?

Cupcakemummy85 Mon 12-Nov-12 12:42:37

Well he has been a little unwell an teething I think so normally I dot go in at all and she goes back to sleep after max five Mins but last night I checked her temp, nappy gave her some water and calpol and then have we a cuddle and put her in her cot said goodnight and put her lullaby sea horse thingy on. Normally though I would leave her for five mins an she would go back but I know even if I go in I would just stir her up even more so it would b counter productive. I know some people don't like doing the leave them to cry but my hv said its fine and I know she is perfectly safe. I don't know I that helps?

felixfelicis1 Mon 12-Nov-12 13:52:17

I'm not worried aobut it being safe. I did it plenty before. I'm more struggling with knowing whether he's causing a fuss for no reason because the way he is crying has suddenly changed so much. I'm not a mum who jumps at every murmur! So wondering on your night when it took 45 minutes what was it that you did? Did you leave her and she cried straight for 45 minutes or did you go in intermittently at all?

Cupcakemummy85 Mon 12-Nov-12 14:05:29

No I just left her. There wasn't much else I could do for her other than sit up with her and watch tv but that would totally defeat the object of going to sleep lol. I have to say it wasn't straight crying for 45 mins it was in and out of crying.

JuliaScurr Mon 12-Nov-12 14:08:39
felixfelicis1 Mon 12-Nov-12 14:19:33

Thanks Julia but link didn't seem to work? Is it another thread I can search?

Thanks cupcakemummy. I tried leaving for an hour the other night and it was straight hysterical crying which I just can't decide whether or not to persevere with. It seems so much more extreme than when I did it before.

JuliaScurr Mon 12-Nov-12 14:41:04
felixfelicis1 Mon 12-Nov-12 14:55:16

I just read a post elsewhere on MN saying that their DD was waking up because their feet was tangled in their sleeping bag. I have noticed that my DS is wriggling his feet and pushing them against his bag quite a lot. Any chance that might be a problem?

felixfelicis1 Mon 12-Nov-12 15:01:52

I just read a post elsewhere on MN saying that their DD was waking up because their feet was tangled in their sleeping bag. I have noticed that my DS is wriggling his feet and pushing them against his bag quite a lot. Any chance that might be a problem?

tiddleypompom Mon 12-Nov-12 15:10:21

Someone has already mentioned teeth - they can really upset my DS (13months) and we always have a week or so of bad nights before they cut & stop causing pain. Ear infections can also cause fussiness - worth a trip to HV to rule out?

Any big developmental leaps? My DS was super clingy for a good week (or rather a nightmare week) when he learnt to walk. It was v unusual behaviour for him as normally v chilled but I put it down to the huge change walking brought to everyday life - his world got bigger & he needed some comfort and stability before he was back to his regular sunny self.

If night waking is habitual (same time each night) & characterised by angry yelling then cry it out methods seem to work best. If the child is visibly upset/scared then I would suck it up and go comfort him till he fell asleep again. I know it's exhausting - but he may need you & he is still very young.

Just my opinion of course.

tiddleypompom Mon 12-Nov-12 15:11:48

By the way the kicking about at night could be sleep-walking practise?!

felixfelicis1 Mon 12-Nov-12 15:24:09

He's been walking for a few months so I don't think it can be that. And he actually started sleeping better when that started to happen. This has been going on for about two weeks and his has been a little poorly.

Ear infection could be a possibility. I do think it is worth a trip to the doctor (my HV is dreadful!).

He does seem really distressed and the proper tears are what is really worrying me. Or do they just not have proper tears when they are littler? (naive first time mum!). DH wants to CIO having been really against in when I did it before. But he is absolutely fine once cuddled. Does that happen with teeth? He's had bother with it before but never could be consoled by a cuddle.

Would it be an idea to go and sit in with him while he's crying so he can see me/knows I'm there but not actually picking him up or is that just madness?

Thanks so much for everyone's help

tiddleypompom Mon 12-Nov-12 18:51:49

Yes happens with teeth in my experience - but to be honest it's all a bit of a mystery & I think you've got to go with your instincts. Sounds to me as if you aren't comfortable with letting him cry at the moment and I completely understand that. Without setting you up for bad sleep associations etc I would personally go and settle him. These phases don't last long and there is a difference between angry & upset.

This too shall pass wink good luck!

Fifi2406 Mon 12-Nov-12 20:35:43

I could have written this post! I'm pulling my hair out! I've got no idea what to do! My son gets so angry he tries to hurt himself on the cot but I know he will stop crying and be asleep in seconds as soon as I pick him up?!! This is no help to you! But there's probably plenty of us going though the same thing! Watching this thread with great interest!

felixfelicis1 Mon 12-Nov-12 20:48:09

We're in exactly the same boat! What is tonight's plan? I'm going to try just rubbing his back (even for hours) basically do anything but pick him up I think. Feeling very nervous. Started having major anxiety every time I even hear him coughing in the night, living in fear he might wake up at any second!

littletomato Tue 13-Nov-12 15:23:43

What happens if your partner picks him up? DS (1 yr) awoke last night screaming - and I'm almost certain it was teething, as his top teeth are popping through. DH picked him up, but he continued to scream. However, as soon as he was in my arms, he was stopped crying and fell back asleep. I noticed the same thing with reflux, as well, that DS's reflux would stop if I were holding him. I guess my point is that he may actually be in pain, but your cuddles are so profoundly soothing to him that he is able to go back to sleep. I'd cuddle him and hope it's just a teething/a phase/etc...

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