When DD2 arrived DD1 didn't appear to be phased. Lots of cuddles and "ahhhs".
Now I have 2 problems:
1)DD1 is v physical with DD2 in terms of "patting" face etc. Not sure if it is deliberate or just lack of awareness.
2)DD1 bites and sometimes grabs DD2 especially eyes/face.
I don't really know how to handle it. I've tried talking to DD1 & explaining she has hurt DD2; saying no firmly & removing DD1; lots of positive cuddles/time with DD1.
Today, after reading something on here, we all sat on the floor together rolling a ball (trying to get DD1 to see DD2 as someone to play with) and DD1 went over to DD2 and nearly bit her finger off. She was so quick & I feel crap that I let this happen to poor DD2. I shouted at DD1, who cried & I felt even more of a crap Mum.
Nothing has an effect if anything DD1 seems more jealous of DD2, especially when DD2 feeds.
DD1 isn't talking but understands most instructions/what's said but I can't really reason/explain.
DM suggests I keep them away from each other but I really don't want to do this.
First off, you aren't a crap mum and it's really common what your DDs are going through.
I can recommend a look at Siblings Without Rivalry. (Sometimes I can be seen calmly reading it while my two DSs scrap on the floor.) I found this helpful as it seems to be a lot of common sense.
What kind of a girl is your DD1, what does she like doing? I ask as it helped my DS1 to channel his frustrations - he is 6 now and has a book he writes and draws his angry jealous murderous feelings into which really helps. I know 22 months is too little for writing but there are loads of ways to help her express herself in a safer way.
I see what your DM means but I wouldn't want to do that either. Don't try an force the 'good' feelings but concentrate on helping her to find appropriate ways to express the 'bad' ones.
I'm sure you do this, but I often have to remind my 2 year old what it feels like to be touched 'gently', by stroking his face and hair and saying the word. He also has a doll that we got him when his little brother (now 8mo) was born, so he has a little baby of his own. We practise gentle touching on his 'baby' too.
i wouldn't want to keep them apart either, we play lots of chasing games where the baby 'chases' his older brother (with a bit of help!) and when he catches him we get the little one to stroke his face.
i suppose it's more about showing him how he CAN interact with his little brother and trying to keep things positive. It's tricky though!