What the hell has happened to my child since starting school!?

(22 Posts)
Sanguine Sun 18-Nov-12 15:37:56

Hello. Not posted since I was on mat leave... [3 hail marys for me]. And now my kind, considerate, gentle and caring preschooler has turned into a sullen, cheeky, disobedient, tantrum-throwing monster of a reception kid. We are tearing our hair out. He was FT at nursery before this 09:00 to 17:30 so didn't expect tiredness to be a big issue. How wrong can you be? TV is now banned, he doesn't seem to be able to cope with it ( too much input/tired brain?) it turns him into a monster. He doesn't talk any more, he whines. And any sort of imperative, from 'get dressed' to 'stop stabbing the sofa with scissors' is met with tantrum or mutiny. Bed time is getting earlier and earlier but he still looked pale with shadows under his eyes. We have just twigged that we are asking too much of him at weekends from reading this. Desperately trying to de-escalate and regain sanity! He's nearly 5, btw, and went to school already reading, writing and adding. I don't think it's that that's the issue, iťs more like social/emotional exhaustion. Uprooting a four year old and plonking him in a class of 30 kids he doesn't know, even a socially and academically adept child, suddenly seems cruel and unusual!

bossboggle Fri 12-Oct-12 10:04:53

My 3 all 'growed up' now!! Yes it does get easier but you have to stand firm - even when you want to scream from the roof tops!! I would totally agree - they are exhausted when they come in from school. A meal ready for them and then probably bath and bed by no later than 7 - 7.30pm!! I work in a school and school demands a lot from them - they have to listen, learn, be sociable, conform to rules and regulations - and yes adults suddenly say 'no' to them and for some of them it is a huge shock to their systems!! Put yourself in their shoes, you've been put in a place you don't know well, told that you have to do certain things at certain times whether you like it or not, try and cope with other people invading your space, trying to work out what you are meant to do and also why people suddenly don't seem to understand that you are the greatest thing on the planet?!! (Our mummy says I am!!). Yes been there done it and seen it!! Hopefully wait until your first parents night and your child's teacher comes to you and says they have developed into well behaved, wonderful little people who are a pleasure to teach and they are willing to learn - your self esteem goes through the roof!! Good luck to all of you will small people who are just at the beginning of the fascinating journey called 'school'!! smile

wildwestapplepie Fri 12-Oct-12 04:31:06

This forum if so fabulous. It makes me feel so much better just to share my problems and to know that there are other people out there who understand. We all love our children. I have 3 and each of them was truly wanted and “planed”. I never regret having them, either one. But boy is it hard, challenging, nerve racking, tiring, stressful, painful even, being a parent, no matter how handful or absolutely perfect your kids are. Every day is a battle; every day is a challenge. ...You all take care and hang on; everyone says it gets easier when they grow up. We will see.

speedygon Fri 12-Oct-12 04:00:13

Hello, first time on and so happy I found this thread as was ready to see my doc to get some counselling. My ds is 3.9 and started school nursery in Sept every morning for 3 hours. His behaviour has changed at home and I have found myself turning into a screaming banshee and then breaking down in tears. I can't stand being around him at the moment and have no idea what to do. I do give him a snack and drink and let him watch telly for a while but it doesn't seem to help much. Am losing it. Hope it changes.

wildwestapplepie Fri 12-Oct-12 02:48:01

My daughter was exactly the same. I was devastated, before that she was this sweet little thing, but then. Like she was possessed. Coming back from school became a nightmare. I also thought that she was tired, overwhelmed, scared and did my best to help her. I am very sorry to tell you this, but she is 11 years old now and she is...the same.

oxeye Fri 12-Oct-12 00:30:19

all sounds good but if you need quicker bed you could do bath and pjs before supper then time for a read and snuggle in bed before sleep so time with DH but still lights out by 7:15?

duchesse Thu 11-Oct-12 22:34:39

Sounds like a fine bedtime- you get the best of everything there- supper with both parents and perfectly decent bedtime. I'm sure she will adapt after a few weeks, but this whole reception year is difficult for them (and you, by extension)/. DS wasn't a great sleeper (as in he never needed that much) but by george did he need that quiet time when he got home!

neverwhere Thu 11-Oct-12 20:41:21

So glad to have found this thread!

My DS1 (June born) has been a nightmare for the last few weeks and he was in f/t preschool before that. We had our DS2 in August and I was wondering if he could be feeling jealous.

Having read this, I gave him a snack as soon as we came home and also brought bedtime forward. It was a bit better this evening.. no full blown tantrum.

pigleychez Thu 11-Oct-12 13:12:58

Dinner is usually ready for when DH walks in the door. Then its up stairs for bath and bed at 7pm.
Usually in bed with lights out by 7.30/7.45 latest.

Its worked fine as they have both had napped in the afternoon but I guess it will have to change. Really reluctant for bed before DH comes in as he really doesn't want to only see them at the weekends.

First full day today so see how well she fares this evening. smile

SizzleSazz Wed 10-Oct-12 22:54:10

My two (Y1 and R) have tea at 4.30 and in PJ's ready for bed by 6.15, then TV till 7pm. If this doesn't happen the plot is lost!

What time is bedtime if you are not eating till 6.30?

oxeye Wed 10-Oct-12 22:50:26

I would give her slack! My boy is in year 2 and still gets very cross. My tips are: food - as soon as you pick up or as soon as home - drink and toast or malt bread - something with some sweetness and also a bit of carb
then relax - dont expect or demand things - supper at 5:30 (yes only about 1 1/2 hours after tea) and then bed by 7
why not have main supper and have pudding/ fruit/ yoghurt with DH at 6:30 so they have some time together but not too much
good luck!

duchesse Wed 10-Oct-12 22:49:45

She is tired! Very very tired. I used to send DS to his room for 1/2 hour when he got home because he needed a time of calm and quiet after spending the day cooped up with 34 other 4 year olds. In France your DD would still be in maternelle (nursery) (being 4 she would still have the best part of 2 years of it ahead of her) and would be having an afternoon nap at least until the end of this academic year. I think we push our little children horribly fast in this country, quite unnecessarily.

pigleychez Wed 10-Oct-12 22:45:21

Thanks everyone.

She's only been doing part time (half days) up until now and starts full days tomorrow. Im really starting to dread it as she is going to be beyond tired!

I can see her being asleep on the sofa after being in the door 5 minutes! I think I might let her have 30 mins on the sofa if she wants it. Im sure she will as this is the child who will happily take herself off for a 2hour nap after lunch.

We usually wait for DH to get in from work at 6.30 for dinner but I guess we will have to see if that needs to change for a while.

Its very hard as I want to give her some slack but also dont want her to think this rudeness and the strops are ok. Guess its finding a good balance.

IwishIwasmoreorganised Wed 10-Oct-12 22:36:46

Ds1. Was like this, ds2 is faring much better.

Food and a snack as soon as you can on collecting her from school.

No questions until then, and even then just a few. Let her relax in front of the tele or play with her own choice of toys.

Nice stodgy tea, bath and bed no later than 7Pm

Don't plan too much for half term. And be prepared for this to get worse in the run up to Christmas.

The reception year is very tough for them.

maresedotes Wed 10-Oct-12 22:32:42

Mine is exactly the same. This is what I do: don't ask loads of questions when I pick her up (limit to one, did you have a good day?), I give her a snack and drink when she gets home (only a 5 minute walk) and then ask her what she fancies doing (varies from watching telly to playing with her dolls). Then I leave her alone!

I'm not saying this works every time, it depends how tired she is, but she gets nicer once she's been home a little while.

piprabbit Wed 10-Oct-12 22:25:01

They get so tired - and that has a huge effect on their behaviour.
Can you bring bedtime forward by an hour?

It may well get worse as you get closer to half term. Don't plan too much excitement for the first few days of the holiday - lots of rest and relaxation before the cycle starts again.

naturalbaby Wed 10-Oct-12 22:21:19

My calm and loving 4year old has spent the afternoon head butting and shoving his little brother. I am not impressed and have a sore throat from shouting sad.

pigleychez Wed 10-Oct-12 22:18:31

oohh thanks for that link!

Glad to see its not just DD
smile

beanandspud Wed 10-Oct-12 21:36:07

Have a look at this thread on the Primary board.

You're not alone, I put a lot of it down to the fact that DS is trying so hard during the day to listen and behave as well as deal with the new routines that by the time he gets home he just needs to let off steam.

MigGril Wed 10-Oct-12 17:09:49

I'd say she's tired, DD was like this to in reception. Good luck for the end of term.

oh and apparently it makes no differences if they have been to nursery previously. school seems a lot more tiring.

I've had exactly the same, my ds started in reception and now he's year 1 well there are no words for the mood swings and vile attitude he has some evénings! Its exhausting isn't it!
My dd just started nursery and she's rather demanding and loopy when she arrives home.

pigleychez Wed 10-Oct-12 13:32:03

DD started school recently and since then has turned into the stroppiest, rudest, annoying little madam!

Not saying she was perfect before but this is just ridiculous!
The moment she comes home she's rude and stroppy and generally a nightmare. She's 4 going on 14!

Im guessing its a knock on effect from the formality of school, Influences of other children and the new routines.
Anyone else suffering the same or is it just my DD?
Tell me it gets better!! Please!!

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now